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Editor's Blog

FOX Will Use The Summer To Recover From The Strike And Get Ready For Fall

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          FOX has announced a summer schedule filled with game shows, reality shows and other low budget, non-scripted, shows that suggests to this reporter that the network is recovering from a tough 2007-08 season and a strike that cost the Television industry billions of dollars in revenues. The smaller primetime schedule offered by the network means smaller operating costs and their summer schedule shrinks the budget even further. After a season that could have spelled ratings success for the network, the summer allows them the time to regroup with a strong schedule in the fall.

          Here's the line-up you can expect this summer on FOX:

MONDAYS, beginning June 2:

8:00-9:00 PM           BONES

9:00-10:00 PM         HOUSE 

TUESDAYS, beginning May 27:

8:00-9:00 PM          THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (All-New Episodes)

9:00-10:00 PM         HELL’S KITCHEN (All-New Episodes)

WEDNESDAYS, beginning May 28:

8:00-10:00 PM            SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (All-New Episodes)

 

THURSDAYS, beginning May 22:

 

8:00-10:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

THURSDAYS, beginning June 12:

8:00-9:00 PM ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5^th GRADER?

9:00-10:00 PM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE 

FRIDAYS:

8:00-10:00 PM FOX MOVIE SPECIAL

SATURDAYS:

8:00-8:30 COPS

8:30-9:00 COPS

9:00-10:00 AMERICA’S MOST WANTED

11:00 - Midnight MADTV

Midnight - 12:30 TALKSHOW WITH SPIKE FERESTEN

SUNDAYS, beginning June 1:

7:00-8:00 PM            DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS!

8:00-8:30 PM            THE SIMPSONS

8:30-9:00 PM            KING OF THE HILL

9:00-9:30 PM            FAMILY GUY

9:30-10:00 PM            AMERICAN DAD

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NBC Abandons Traditional Fall Season Launch In Favor Of Year-Round Series Debuts

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          NBC unveiled its new Fall lineup for the 2008-09 television season on April 2nd, 2008, introducing a schedule earlier than ever that combines some of the most acclaimed and popular returning series on television with four new programs that will join the schedule in the opening weeks of the season, including "Kath & Kim", "Knight Rider", "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Crusoe".

          In the first of a series of presentations to key advertisers at 30 Rockefeller Center in New York City, NBC also unveiled Winter and Summer schedules for the 2008-09 broadcast year, allowing the advertisers to plan their media strategies for the upcoming year based on a 52-week schedule. Presentations will continue in New York this week and continue in Chicago and Los Angeles through the coming weeks.

          The result is that NBC will deliver almost twice as much original entertainment in 2008-09 than it did 10 years ago. There will be year-round original programming on five nights a week at 10-11 p.m. (ET). In addition, NBC has allowed for a better scheduling flow with family shows at 8 p.m., blockbusters at 9 and dramas or mature-themed programs at 10 p.m.

          In response to an evolving media marketplace and the changing needs of its advertisers, NBC Universal has created a more innovative, client-centric approach to its traditional Upfront presentation. It will include the announcement of a year-round programming schedule in April; a series of one-on-one client meetings in New York, Los Angeles and Chicago; and a spotlight event on May 12 that will showcase the full scale of the NBCU offerings in a unique, multi-media, interactive environment that will allow advertisers to experience the broad spectrum of marketing opportunities available within the company.

          The roll-out of NBC’s 52-week lineup begins in the Fall, as the debuting drama series "My Own Worst Enemy", starring Christian Slater, joins "Chuck" and "Heroes" on NBC’s Monday lineup; "Kath & Kim", a new comedy starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, based on the hit Australian series, teams with "The Biggest Loser: Families" on Tuesdays; and on Wednesdays, "Knight Rider" goes to series, building on the success of last February’s "Knight Rider" movie, the highest-rated movie telecast on any network in three years in adults 18-49. The mid-season dramedy "Lipstick Jungle" will return in the Fall, also on Wednesdays. Drama series "Crusoe", the hit game show "Deal or No Deal" and "Life" are scheduled to join NBC’s Fall Friday lineup. In addition, NBC will introduce "SNL Thursday Night Live", which will share time on Thursdays with "The Office" at 9:30-10 p.m. (ET).

          Through the winter months, NBC plans to add to its Sunday lineup "Kings", (starring Golden Globe winner Ian McShane) the ambitious new drama from the producer of "Heroes", along with the returning drama "Medium" and the exciting fantasy series "Merlin". On Mondays, NBC adds "The Philanthropist", a drama concerning a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people. Tuesdays introduces a brand new cycle of "The Biggest Loser: Couples". "Law & Order" returns to Wednesdays for the series unparalleled 19th season. On Thursdays, comedy reigns with the addition of a new series spinning off the NBC hit "The Office". "The Celebrity Apprentice" returns in its popular new format on Thursdays. Sundays will be highlighted by special events, including the "66th Annual Golden Globe Awards", the four-hour miniseries "The Last Templar" (starring Oscar winner Mira Sorvino) and "XIII" (starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff).

          Key launches and series events will be timed to make maximum promotional use of the big events coming up on the NBC primetime schedule, including the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in August, "NBC Sunday Night Football" throughout the fall, the "Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade" in November, NFL Wild-Card playoff games and the "66th Annual Golden Globe Awards" in January as well as Super Bowl XLIII in February 2009.

          In Summer 2009, NBC is slated to introduce "The Listener", a new Thursday drama, as well as two new reality series from executive producer Thom Beers ("Ice Road Truckers"), "America’s Toughest Jobs", an action-reality series on Mondays and "Shark Taggers", an action-adventure reality series on Wednesdays. "Chopping Block" will premiere on Fridays to complement a strong slate of original summer programming. Returning shows that Summer will include "American Gladiators", "America’s Got Talent", "Last Comic Standing", "Monk" and "Nashville Star".

          Sophomore dramas "Chuck", 'Life", and "Lipstick Jungle" will benefit from an aggressive re-launch in the Fall, and the hit "Heroes" will come back with a bang owing to a major event in the Fall.

          Joining the cast of "Life" is Donal Logue ("Grounded for Life") as Captain Brian Tidwell, Crews’ (Damian Lewis) and Reese's (Sarah Shahi) new boss. Tidwell is a seen-it-all New York cop whose weaknesses include the track and the ladies. He isn't going to fit in Los Angeles, and he could care less.

          Specific dates for most season and series premieres and other schedule changes will be announced at a later date. In addition, NBC Digital Entertainment today announced its full slate of content for the Summer and Fall seasons.

NBC PRIMETIME SCHEDULE FOR FALL 2008-09

*New programs in UPPER CASE (with the exception of "ER")

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. "Chuck"
9-10 p.m. "Heroes"
10-11 p.m. "MY OWN WORST ENEMY"

TUESDAY
8- 9:30 p.m. "The Biggest Loser: Families"
9:30-10 p.m. "KATH & KIM"
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. "KNIGHT RIDER"
9-10 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
10-11 p.m. "Lipstick Jungle"

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. "My Name Is Earl"
8:30-9 p.m. "30 Rock"
9- 9:30 p.m. "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. "The Office"/ "SNL THURSDAY NIGHT LIVE"
10-11 p.m. "ER"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. "CRUSOE"
9-10 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
10-11 p.m. "Life"

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. "Dateline NBC'
9-10 p.m. "KNIGHT RIDER" (Encores)
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (Encores)

SUNDAY
7- 8:20 p.m. "Football Night in America"
8:20-11 p.m. "NBC Sunday Night Football"


NBC PRIMETIME SCHEDULE FOR WINTER 2009

*New programs in UPPER CASE (with the exception of "ER")

MONDAY
8- 9 p.m. "Chuck"
9-10 p.m. "Heroes"
10-11 p.m. "THE PHILANTHROPIST"

TUESDAY
8- 9:30 p.m. "The Biggest Loser: Couples"
9:30-10 p.m. "KATH & KIM"
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. "KNIGHT RIDER"
9-10 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order"

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. "My Name Is Earl"
8:30-9 p.m. "30 Rock"
9- 9:30 p.m. "The Office"
9:30-10 p.m. "THE OFFICE" SPINOFF
10-11 p.m. "ER" / "The Celebrity Apprentice"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. "Deal or No Deal"
9-10 p.m. "Friday Night Lights"
10-11 p.m. "Life"

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. "Dateline NBC"
9-10 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (Encores)
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order" (Encores)

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. Specials/"Dateline NBC"
8-9 p.m. Specials/"MERLIN"
9-10 p.m. Specials/"Medium"
10-11 p.m. Specials/"KINGS"


NBC PRIMETIME SCHEDULE FOR SUMMER 2009

*New programs in UPPER CASE

MONDAY
8-9 p.m. "American Gladiators"
9-10 p.m. "AMERICA’S TOUGHEST JOBS"
10-11 p.m. "Dateline NBC"

TUESDAY
9-10 p.m. "America’s Got Talent"
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (Encores)

WEDNESDAY
8-9 p.m. "SHARK TAGGERS"
9-10 p.m. "America’s Got Talent" (Results Show)
10-11 p.m. "Law & Order" (Encores)

THURSDAY
8- 8:30 p.m. "The Office" (Encores)
8:30- 9 p.m. "THE OFFICE" SPINOFF (Encores)
9-10 p.m. "Last Comic Standing"
10-11 p.m. "THE LISTENER"

FRIDAY
8-9 p.m. "CHOPPING BLOCK"
9-11 p.m. "Dateline NBC"

SATURDAY
8-9 p.m. Drama Encores
9-10 p.m. Drama Encores
10-11 p.m. Drama Encores

SUNDAY
7-8 p.m. "Dateline NBC"
8-9 p.m. "Monk"
9-10 p.m. "Nashville Star"
10-11 p.m. "KINGS" (Encores)


2008-09 NEW SERIES DESCRIPTIONS:

NEW DRAMAS

MY OWN WORST ENEMY - Henry Spivey (Christian Slater, "Bobby") is a middle-class efficiency expert living a humdrum life in the suburbs with a wife, two kids, a dog, and a minivan. Edward Albright is an operative who speaks 13 languages, runs a four-minute mile, and is trained to kill with his teeth. Henry and Edward are polar opposites who share only one thing in common -- the same body. When the carefully constructed wall between them breaks down, Henry and Edward are thrust into unfamiliar territory where each man is dangerously out of his element. "My Own Worst Enemy" explores the duality of a man who is literally pitted against himself. And it raises the question: who can you trust when you can't trust yourself? The series is produced by Universal Media Studios. Jason Smilovic ("Kidnapped") is the executive producer; David Semel (director of the "American Dreams", "Heroes" and "Life" pilots) is the director and executive producer.

KNIGHT RIDER - On the heels of NBC's hit movie, the iconic 1980s television classic comes roaring back to life as an updated drama series showcasing the new customized KITT (Knight Industries Three Thousand) Ford Mustang. As the sequel resumes, KITT is absolutely the coolest car ever created: its supercomputer capable of hacking almost any system; its weapons systems efficient; and its body -- thanks to its creator's work and nanotechnology -- is capable of actually shifting shape and color. It is the ultimate car -- and someone will be willing to do anything to obtain it. "Knight Rider" stars Justin Bruening ("Cold Case"), Deanna Russo ("NCIS"), Sydney Tamiia Poitier ("Veronica Mars") and Bruce Davison ("Breach"). David Bartis ("Heist," "The O.C."), Doug Liman ("Mr. and Mrs. Smith," "The Bourne Identity") and Gary Scott Thompson ("Las Vegas", "The Fast and The Furious") are executive producers and David Andron serves as supervising producer and writer. Based on characters created by Glen Larson, "Knight Rider" is from Universal Media Studios and Dutch Oven Productions.

CRUSOE - Based on the legendary novel by Daniel Defoe, this is the tale of Robinson Crusoe. A young man leaves his true love to embark on an adventure -- only to end up shipwrecked on a remote tropical island for 28 years, completely detached from the life he once knew. His desire to return to his wife and his strong and unlikely friendship with Friday are the only things that keep him sane. While stranded, Crusoe encounters enemies and braves the elements. Equal parts "MacGyver", "Castaway" and "Pirates of the Caribbean", this series is an inspirational tale of survival rife with action and comedy. "Crusoe" is produced by Power. Juston Bodle is the executive producer.

KINGS -- "Kings" is an inspiring exploration of the timeless David vs. Goliath struggle. The show is set in a modern metropolis under siege where the fighting has gone on for too long and cost far too many lives. When David Shepherd (Christopher Egan, "Resident Evil: Extinction"), a brave young soldier, rescues the king’s (Golden Globe winner Ian McShane, "Deadwood") son from enemy territory, he sets events in motion that will finally bring peace. Suddenly, David is thrust into the limelight, earning the affections of women -- including the king’s daughter. When he’s promoted to captain, he becomes the reluctant poster boy for hope. But for David, the line between his allies and enemies will blur as the power players in the kingdom go to great lengths to see him fall. From the director (Francis Lawrence) of the blockbuster movie "I Am Legend" comes the ultimate story of David vs. Goliath, and there’s no telling who will win. Sebastian Stan ("Gossip Girl") also stars. "Kings" is a production of Universal Media Studios; Michael Green (NBC’s "Heroes") is the executive producer. Francis Lawrence ("I Am Legend") is the director and executive producer and Erwin Stoff ("I Am Legend") also is executive producer.

MERLIN - "Merlin" brings to life a new legend for a modern audience. "Merlin" is an exciting, hour-long fantasy series set in the mythic city of Camelot -- but inspired by 21st Century storytelling. Before Merlin (Colin Morgan, "Doctor Who") and Arthur (Bradley James, "Lewis") became legends, they were ambitious young men looking for adventure, hoping to live up to their family’s expectations, discovering love and finding their own true destiny, making mistakes along the way. The innovative, action-packed drama has cross-generational appeal and paints a picture of Merlin and Arthur’s early life that audiences have never witnessed before. Anthony Head ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer"), Richard Wilson ("A Passage to India"), Angel Coulby ("Magicians") and Katie McGrath ("The Tudors") also star. A FremantleMedia Enterprises distribution of a Shine production for BBC.

THE PHILANTHROPIST -- This one-hour drama is about a rebel with a cause. Teddy Rist loves women, money and power. After the tragic death of his only child, Teddy has an awakening and becomes the world's first vigilante philanthropist -- a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth, connections and power to help people in need. He'll do anything to achieve his goals -- bargain with the self-righteous, trade with the nefarious and even tell the truth. Instead of spending $25,000 a plate at a fundraiser, he’s dodging bullets in third-world countries to hand-deliver vaccine. It's a global adventure that will take viewers to the ends of the Earth and will inspire them as well. "The Philanthropist" is produced by Universal Media Studios, Original Media and the Levinson/Fontana Company. Tom Fontana ("Homicide: Life on the Street"), Barry Levinson ("Homicide: Life on the Street") and Charlie Corwin ("L.A. Ink") are the executive producers; Jim Juvonen is a co-executive producer.

THE LISTENER -- In this one-hour drama, Toby Logan (Craig Olejnik, "The Runaway") is a 24-year-old paramedic living with a secret: he can read people’s minds. This telepathic procedural takes viewers into the heart of a tortured hero who struggles to solve crimes with his unique gift. Week-to-week, "The Listener" balances high-stakes drama with irreverent humor and sends Toby on an intellectual and emotional adventure. Ennis Esmer ("The Path to 9/11") also stars. "The Listener" is a production of Program Partners and Shaftesbury Films. The executive producers are Christina Jennings, Scott Garvie, Michael Amo, Russ Cochrane, Glen Davis and Bill Laurin.


NEW COMEDIES

THE OFFICE SPINOFF - From Greg Daniels, the executive producer of the Emmy Award-winning American version of NBC’s "The Office", comes the most highly anticipated comedy of the season in "The Office" spinoff. Audiences will follow another comic journey, complete with new faces and new locations, but with the same unique sense of humor and brand of quality from Daniels and his creative team. It's the next chapter of what viewers have come to know and love about "The Office".

KATH & KIM -- They’re the most dysfunctional duo in suburbia. Kath Day (Molly Shannon, NBC’s "Saturday Night Live") is the mom, a foxy, 40-something divorcée who finally has time for herself and her valiant search for love. Kim Day (Selma Blair, "Hellboy", "Hellboy II") is the daughter, a self-absorbed princess recently separated from her husband who finds consolation in stuffing her face. When Kim decides to move back home, Kath reluctantly agrees -- but to Kim’s chagrin, Kath is not about to cater to her every whim as she has in the past. Based on the most successful comedy in Australia of the same name, Kath and Kim are two brassy women who prefer the finer things in life like acrylic nails, big hair and faux diamond chips. The series is produced by Universal Media Studios and Reveille. The executive producer/writer is Michelle Nader ("The King of Queens") and the executive producer/director is Paul Feig ("Freaks and Geeks", "The Office"). Gina Riley, Jane Turner and Rick McKenna also are executive producers.

SNL THURSDAY NIGHT LIVE - Dubbed "TV's funniest and most influential political player" by Entertainment Weekly, "SNL" expands its "Weekend Update" coverage to Thursdays in primetime for three live half-hour shows beginning October 16. With all of the excitement and attention around "Saturday Night Live" during the presidential primaries, the anticipation for the show's take on this Fall’s election will be at a fever pitch, "SNL Thursday Night Live" will keep the momentum -- and the laughs -- going. The program is a production of Broadway Video in association with SNL Studios. Lorne Michaels is the executive producer.


NEW ALTERNATIVE

CHOPPING BLOCK -- It’s time to sharpen your knives! It’s not just about the meal, it’s about the business of food. From the producers of "Hell’s Kitchen", original rock-star chef Marco Pierre White comes to America to host the ultimate food fight on NBC -- a new reality competition set in the high-drama, high-stakes world of New York City restaurants. The cooks are given a grilling over the course of the series. The teams, which are made up of couples, will be tested in challenges that vary from having less than a week to design and revamp a restaurant space to planning a menu and creating a signature dish. The winning couple will get a chance to have their dreams come true -- opening their very own restaurant in Manhattan. The series is produced by Granada America.

AMERICA’S TOUGHEST JOBS - From creator/executive producer Thom Beers ("Deadliest Catch", "Ice Road Truckers") and executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun, "America’s Toughest Jobs" is a new extreme competition series that will test 12 people who venture out of their safe, comfortable careers and are injected into some of the most challenging, dangerous and demanding jobs on earth. From logging high in the Oregon Forest to oil drilling on the Texas range, or from driving icy roads to extreme fishing -- each job requires guts and stamina, and they'll have to live up to the same standards as the pros. In the end, their new boss and co-workers will determine success or failure, and those who don't make the grade get sent home. Upping the ante, the annual salary of each job will be thrown into the pot until the finale, where one rookie will take home the well-earned cash. "America's Toughest Jobs" is created by executive producer Beers and is produced by Original Productions and BermanBraun.

SHARK TAGGERS -- From creator/executive producer Thom Beers ("Deadliest Catch", "Ice Road Truckers") and executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun, "Shark Taggers" is a one-hour reality series that follows daring marine biologists as they track down the ocean’s top predators and hand-tag them with cutting-edge satellite transmitters or investigate bull sharks’ sudden attacks on surfers. The series is produced by Original Productions and BermanBraun.


NEW EVENTS/MINISERIES/MOVIES

THE LAST TEMPLAR -- In this four-hour miniseries, Oscar winner Mira Sorvino ("Mighty Aphrodite") stars in an epic action-adventure tale about the greatest mystery of our time. At the New york Metropolitan Museum, four horsemen dressed as 12th century knights storm the gala opening of an exhibition of Vatican treasures and steal an arcane medieval decoder. For archaeologist Tess Chaykin (Sorvino) and FBI agent Sean Daly (Scott Foley, "The Unit"), this is just the start of a suspenseful game of cat and mouse as they race across three continents in search of the enemy -- and the lost secret of the Knights Templar. The miniseries is produced by MUSE Entertainment Enterprises. Victor Garber ("Alias") and Omar Sharif ("Doctor Zhivago") also star. Emmy Award-winning television impresario Robert Halmi Sr. ("Tin Man," "Gulliver's Travels"), Robert Halmi, Jr. ("The Poseidon Adventure," "The Christmas Card"), and Michael Prupas ("Human Trafficking") will executive-produce the miniseries.

XIII - "XIII" is a high-stakes cat-and-mouse thriller starring Val Kilmer ("The Doors") and Stephen Dorff ("World Trade Center"). This adrenaline-charged miniseries begins dramatically as the first female U.S. President is shot dead by a sniper during her Veteran’s Day speech. Three months later, a wounded man is found tattered in a forest with no memory of his identity. The only clue is a tattoo on his neck, "XIII". Could his lightning-fast reflexes and killer instincts betray him as the presidential assassin that the U.S. is desperately searching for? Submerged in a far-reaching conspiracy, which threatens to overthrow the entire government, XIII’s identity becomes the key to unraveling a complex and dangerous secret that will shock and excite. From the first bullet, this gripping action-thriller will leave audiences gasping for more. "XIII" is produced by Prodigy Pictures and Cipango.

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ABC Is Holding Open Casting For "High School Musical: Summer Session"

  (April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          Millions of young people can vie to be part of Disney's "High School Musical" global sensation when the ABC Television Network launches a nationwide casting search for its new summer series, "High School Musical: Summer Session." The series debuts on ABC on Sunday, July 20 (8:00-9:00 p.m., ET) and runs Sundays and Mondays (8:00-9:00 p.m., ET) for three weeks, then continues Mondays at 8:00 p.m., ET through mid-September. The producers welcome anyone and everyone ages 16-22 who has dreamed of being center stage. From the high school quarterback who's never tried out for a play but has a song in his heart, to the drama club extrovert looking to break into the big time, someone looking to trade the chess club routine for a dance routine, all are invited to try to "Get'cha head in the game," as the hit song says.

          Two epic open casting calls will be held to help narrow the field, one in southern California and one at Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida on May 7. Both of these open auditions will be a part of the early episodes of the series. Anyone between the ages of 16 and 22 is welcome to give it a shot at the open calls (if you are under 18, you must bring your parent or legal guardian) and can download an application and view eligibility requirements at www.abc.com/hsmsummersession.

          The finalists will ultimately participate in a summer music program to hone their skills, and one talented newcomer will receive the opportunity of a lifetime, becoming a part of the "High School Musical" family. The winner will receive a grand prize-details will be announced separately.

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Fox Orders a 13th Season Of "King Of The Hill"

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          FOX has ordered an additional season of the hit animated series "King Of The Hill". One of the longest-running comedies currently on primetime television, the series depicts the life and times of Hank Hill, his family and his neighbors in the fictional town of Arlen, TX. "King Of The Hill" airs Sundays (8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT).

          Hank (voiced by Mike Judge) is a hard-working, loyal family man and proud Texan whose Rock of Gibraltar is his wife, PEGGY (Kathy Najimy). Peggy thinks of herself as a true Renaissance woman: realtor, substitute Spanish teacher, journalist, fast-pitch softball hurler, local Boggle champion and notary public. Hank and Peggy’s pride and joy is their 13-year-old son, BOBBY (Pamela Adlon). Rounding out the family is Hank’s 18-year-old niece, LUANNE (Brittany Murphy), who recently got married to LUCKY (Tom Petty). Hank is the undisputed alpha male among his neighborhood buddies, DALE (Johnny Hardwick), BILL (Stephen Root) and BOOMHAUER (Judge).

          "King Of The Hill" has received numerous accolades over the past 12 years, including an Emmy Award for Outstanding Animated Program in 1999, a Nancy Susan Reynolds Award in 1997, a Women’s Image Network Award in 2004 and Environmental Media Awards in 2001, 2003 and 2005. The series has also garnered numerous nominations for Annie Awards, Prism Awards and Shine Awards. The animated series is also translated into numerous languages and licensed in almost 50 countries around the world.

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ABC Brings "Start Fresh Quickies" Of Their Most Popular Dramas To ABC.Com

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          ABC.Com has released a series of brief video presentations designed to bring a new viewer up to speed on the plot of many of the networks one hour drama series. Catch up on the previous seasons and episodes of "Brothers & Sisters," "Desperate Housewives," "Grey's Anatomy," "Lost," "Samantha Who?" and "Ugly Betty" in minutes with the short presentations provided on the site.

          Get all of the latest Walker Family drama from "Brothers & Sisters" before its return Sunday, April 20 (10:00 p.m., ET). A first-hand account of the entire series is retold through the eyes of Rebecca Harper, the illegitimate child of William Walker and the newest sibling of the Walker Clan.

          The ladies of Wisteria Lane are back! Get their complete history in the Desperate Housewives Gazette from an innocent bystander, the neighborhood's paperboy. Don't miss a moment of suburbanite gossip on "Desperate Housewives" when it returns Sunday, April 13 (9:00 p.m., ET).

          Grey's Anatomy Quick Cut looks back at all the happenings at Seattle Grace Hospital before your favorite doctors return on an all-new episode of "Grey's Anatomy," Thursday, April 24 (9:00 p.m.. ET).

           Why is Michael back? Who are the Oceanic Six? Find out the answers to these questions and more in Lost In 4:24 before the show returns Thursday, April 24 (10:00 p.m., ET).

          Pillow Talk with Samantha Who? features Samantha's best friend, Andrea, explaining the retrograde amnesia that's left Samantha rediscovering who she is. New episodes of "Samantha Who?" begin Monday, April 7 (9:30 p.m. ET).

          Are Betty and Henry back on track? Who is Amanda's father? Is Daniel really seeing Wilhelmina's sister? Find out all of the drama at Mode before new episodes return of "Ugly Betty" Thursday, April 24 (8:00 p.m. ET).

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CBS Sports Adds Two Extra Holes To Online Coverage Of The 2008 Masters Golf Tournament On CBSSports.com

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          CBSSports.com in conjunction with masters.org, CBS Sports and the Masters Tournament, announced that coverage of holes Nos. 15 & 16 from the Augusta National Golf Club would be added to Masters Live for the 2008 Masters Tournament.

          Online coverage of the Masters Tournament on CBSSports.com debuted in 2006 with Amen Corner Live, live streaming video of the 11th, 12th and 13th holes from the Augusta National Golf Club. Amen Corner Live returned in 2007 and was joined by Masters Extra, live streaming video of the entire field and course from the Masters Tournament for one hour prior to television coverage.

          Bobby Clampett, Billy Kratzert and Ian Eagle will provide commentary and analysis for Amen Corner Live as well as the debut of 15 & 16 Live. In 2007, users of Amen Corner Live viewed over four million video streams of live golf action with an average time spent viewing of approximately three hours per visit.

          Masters Extra will be again be produced by CBS Sports with the complete Masters announcer lineup of Jim Nantz, Nick Faldo, Peter Oosterhuis, Verne Lundquist, David Feherty, Bill Macatee, Peter Kostis and Ian Baker-Finch and will provide live streaming video of the entire field and course from the 2008 Masters Tournament for one hour prior to television coverage.

           All elements of Masters Live will be available free of charge and only at cbssports.com as well as www.masters.org and will be presented all four days of the 2008 Masters Tournament, April 10-13. In total there will be over 48 hours of live video from Augusta National Golf Club.

 Schedule for Masters Live Video on CBSSports.com and masters.org in 2008

 Amen Corner Live

Thursday, April 10:        10:45 AM - 5:45 PM

Friday, April 11:             10:45 AM - 5:45 PM

Saturday, April 12:         11:45 PM - 5:45 PM

Sunday, April 13:           11:45 PM - 5:45 PM

 

15 & 16 Live 

Thursday, April 10:        11:45 AM - 6:45 PM

Friday, April 11:             11:45 AM - 6:45 PM

Saturday, April 12:         12:45 PM - 6:30 PM

Sunday, April 13:           12:45 PM - 6:30 PM

 

Masters Extra

Thursday, April 10:        3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

Friday, April 11:             3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

Saturday, April 12:         2:30 PM - 3:30 PM

Sunday, April 13:           1:30 PM - 2:30 PM

 Start and end times are subject to change. All times eastern standard.

          Hole Nos. 15 and 16 from the Augusta National Golf Club have provided many unforgettable moments in Masters Tournament history. In 1935, Gene Sarazen hit the "shot heard 'round the world" when he holed a 4-wood from 235 yards for a double eagle on the Par 5 15^th in the fourth round of the event. The shot propelled Sarazen on to victory in just the second Masters Tournament.

          While the Par 3 16^th has seen 10 hole-in-ones in Masters Tournament history, no shot on this hole was more memorable than Tiger Woods chip-in in 2005 en route to securing his fourth Green Jacket.

           The name Amen Corner refers to hole Nos. 11, 12 and 13. Amen Corner was first coined in a 1958 Sports Illustrated article by Herbert Warren Wind. Wind was searching for an appropriate name for the location where the critical action had taken place that year. He borrowed the name from an old jazz recording "Shoutin' in that Amen Corner". (Courtesy masters.org)

          The Masters, the most renowned tournament in golf, will be broadcast on CBS for the 53^rd consecutive year, a record for the longest-running sporting event broadcast on one network. This year marks the 72^nd Masters Tournament, one of the most highly-anticipated sporting events of the year.

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Fastern Your Seatbelts And Prepare For Takeoff, Matt Lauer Is Departing On Another "Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?" Tour On Monday, April 28th

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          For the Ninth Time "Today" Viewers Can Take a Trip Around the World With No Delays, No Security Lines and No Lost Luggage

          He's logged over 210,721 miles, popped up in 39 different destinations, traveled by airplane, zip line, camel and gondola, and said hello to America in 20 languages. Starting Monday, April 28, Americans can once again ponder one of life's great mysteries, "Where in the World is Matt Lauer?" as it returns to NBC's "Today."

          This year's trip marks the ninth weeklong expedition for Lauer, whose past trips have taken him to such exotic locales as the royal kingdom of Bhutan, the cliffs of Moher in Galway, the mysterious Easter Island, the slopes of the Swiss Alps, the beaches of Rio de Janeiro, and The Great Wall of China. Following the tradition of the series, Lauer will show up in a different location every day, without any advance warning. Meredith Vieira, Al Roker and Ann Curry, as well as millions of viewers at home, will have no idea where he'll be each day, until he appears live on the air at 7 a.m.

          "Today" viewers are encouraged to dig deeper into the "Where in the World" series on TODAYshow.com, which will feature travel tips from Peter Greenberg, spectacular photos of the locations, and behind-the-scene stories about the making of "Where in the World" from "Today" correspondents and producers. Viewers can participate in the series by sharing photos of their own world travels on the "Where in the World Am I?" gallery, and by playing six new "Where in the World" games. TODAYshow.com also features a complete "Where in the World" archive for those who want to relive Matt's previous eight trips around the globe.

          Over the course of the past journeys, "Today's" critically acclaimed series has landed Lauer in virtually every corner of the globe, including Cape Town, Dubai, Galway, Bhutan, Easter Island, Panama, Shanghai, Innsbruck, Dubrovnik, Botswana, Hong Kong, Moscow, the Pyramids in Egypt, Venice, Athens, the Taj Mahal in India, Sydney, Mount Everest, Rome, The U.S.S. Theodore Roosevelt on patrols in the Mediterranean, The Great Wall of China in Beijing, an active volcano in Hawaii, Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, Pisa, Florence, Bilbao, the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, Machu Pichu in Peru, an oil rig off the coast of Scotland, Paris, Bangkok, Mykonos, Rio de Janeiro, Marrakech, Skibo Castle in Scotland, Angkor Wat, Monte Carlo and Cannes.

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NBC Sports Adds 30 Minutes To Coverage Of "The Kentucky Derby", May 3rd

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          NBC Sports has added 30 minutes of coverage to its exclusive broadcast of the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby from Churchill Downs in Louisville, Ky., on Saturday, May 3, live in high definition. Expanded coverage, two-and-a-half hours in total, will start at 4 p.m. ET with "Access at the Derby" which includes the "Kentucky Derby Red Carpet Show presented by Head and Shoulders."

          "Access at the Kentucky Derby" is the viewer's backstage pass to the greatest day in Horse Racing. "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush joins the NBC Sports' racing team to bring the spectacle of the Kentucky Derby home to viewers with behind-the-scenes access to the famous parties, celebrities and fashion surrounding the legendary Run for the Roses. The Red Carpet Show will feature celebrity interviews as the stars arrive to Churchill Downs to enjoy the greatest day in Horse Racing.

          At 5 p.m. ET, NBC Sports race coverage begins with Tom Hammond and Bob Costas co-hosting the Derby alongside three-time Derby winner Gary Stevens. NBC Sports' broadcast team also includes race-caller Tom Durkin; contributing analysts Mike Battaglia and Bob Neumeier; reporter Kenny Rice and on-track reporter Donna Barton Brothers, who retired in 1998 after an impressive 11-year career as a jockey. The Kentucky Derby on NBC is produced by Sam Flood and directed by David Michaels.

          The Kentucky Derby Red Carpet Special presented by Head and Shoulders will be simulcast on NBCSports.com. Immediately following the race broadcast on NBC, viewers can go to NBCSports.com and see race replays, including a start-to-finish isolation camera on the Derby winner. Additionally, users on the go can watch the Kentucky Derby live on their mobile phones through NBC2Go.

          NBC Sports and Churchill Downs are joining together to present "The Kentucky Derby Lucky U Game", a contest where a lucky fan can win a cash prize and a trip to the 2009 Kentucky Derby. Once the field for the Derby is set on Wednesday, April 30, horse racing fans will be able to vote for the horse that they think will win. The winner will receive $10,000 in cash and a 2009 Kentucky Derby VIP Experience provided by Churchill Downs, including tickets to the Derby and other Churchill Downs events, round-trip transportation, and accommodations. Viewers of NBC's Kentucky Derby broadcast and other horse racing fans will be invited to enter by sending a text message for their choice from their cell phone. Standard text messaging charges apply. Fans can also enter by going online to NBCSports.com.

          In the week leading up to the Derby, "Access Hollywood" will check in at the legendary pre-Derby parties and talk to celebrities attending the Derby on their preparations and why the Kentucky Derby is so special.

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Past And Present NBC Comedy Stars Will Act As Talent Scouts For The Latest Edition Of "The Last Comic Standing" When The Series Returns On May 22nd

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          When NBC's Emmy-nominated series "Last Comic Standing" returns for a sixth season on May 22 and joins Thursday's comedy night line-up, a parade of NBC comedy stars from past and present hit shows will come too for the first time ever, serving as talent scouts in lively audition shows that will air as the first five episodes. Bill Bellamy ("Def Comedy Jam," "Any Given Sunday") returns as host of the series, which will air in its regular timeslot of Thursdays from 8:30-10 p.m. ET following the Thursday, May 22 premiere from 9:30-11:00 p.m.

          Helping to "find the funny" this season are talent scouts Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Brian Baumgartner and Kate Flannery ("The Office"), Dave Foley ("Thank God You're Here!" "Newsradio"), Neil Flynn ("Scrubs"), George Wendt and John Ratzenberger ("Cheers"), Richard Belzer ("Law & Order: SVU"), Steve Schirripa ("The Tonight Show With Jay Leno"), Kathy Najimy ("Veronica's Closet") and French Stewart ("Third Rock From the Sun"). Josh Gomez ("Chuck"), Lonny Ross and Keith Powell ("30 Rock") also serve as talent scouts, along with Richard Kind and Fred Willard ("Mad About You") and Alfonso Ribeiro ("The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air").

          Top comedians from more than 20 countries, including England, Australia, Scotland, Sweden, South Africa, India, New Zealand, Norway, Japan and Israel, audition during the international search, which will take talent scouts to LA, NY, Toronto, Minneapolis, Houston, Tempe, San Francisco, Nashville and Miami. Plus, for the first time ever on the show, Bill Bellamy goes to eight additional cities on his own, including Boston, Denver, Seattle, Detroit, Honolulu and Atlanta, surprising the best comics at local venues with a direct pass to perform for the scouts in the closest audition city.

           Popular UK personality Fearne Cotton (NBC's "The Guinness Book of World Records, Live!," ITV2's "The Xtra Factor") also joins the show as a special correspondent, spicing up the search for the best aspiring and professional comedians around the world.

           After the audition search is over, the best of the best will come to Las Vegas to perform for a huge crowd at the Paris Las Vegas, where the top 12 comedy acts will be chosen as finalists. They'll move on to the challenge rounds for a comedy showdown week by week, until the funniest comics return to the Paris Las Vegas for the finals and finale.

          Then America will vote to decide who will be the "Last Comic Standing" and win a $250,000 grand prize including an exclusive talent deal with NBC, a brand new Honda, and a starring appearance in Jubilee! at Bally's Las Vegas.

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"Today" And Al Roker Lend A Hand To Americans Across The Country

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)           The oil's been checked, the wheels are rotated and the cruise control is on  "Today's" Al Roker is packing up the Penske truck to hit the road once again for the annual "Lend a Hand Today" trip. In its seventh consecutive year, "Lend A Hand" continues its mission to help small charities across the country that work towards improving conditions in their communities. Roker's goodwill road trip kicks off Monday, April 14 in Boise, ID. The trip continues throughout the week in Boulder, CO (Tuesday), Albuquerque, NM (Wednesday), Oklahoma City, OK (Thursday), and Atlanta, GA (Friday).

           At each "Lend a Hand Today" stop, Roker will spend time throughout the broadcast at the city's charitable organization and introduce its efforts to "Today" viewers. Then Roker, with the help from several generous companies, including Columbia Sportswear Company, Nike, Chrysler, Lowes, General Mills, JC Penny and Scholastic will present the charity with scores of essential items it needs to continue helping and serving its community. So far, for this year's trip, "Today" has raised nearly $550,000 in donations with more on the way. After each stop, viewers will be directed to TODAYshow.com for more information on each organization and how they can help.
           Following the "Lend a Hand" tradition, Al will deliver the new supplies to the charities by way of a Penske trunk. This year, keeping with NBC Universal's green initiative, in at least two cities, "Today" will use environmentally friendly diesel-electric hybrid trucks created by Penske Truck Rental, the International Truck and Engine Corporation and Eaton Corporation. This new breed of truck, The International DuraStar Hybrid, will help significantly reduce emissions and fuel consumption for the nation's commercial trucks. During standard use, there is typically a fuel savings of 30-40 percent compared with traditional diesel trucks.

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NBC Picks-Up E.R. For A 15th And Final Season

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          NBC announced that it will pick up the classic and Emmy Award-winning medical drama "ER" (Thursdays, 10-11 p.m. ET) for a 15th and final season. The announcement was made today by Ben Silverman, Co-Chairman, NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios.

          "'ER' is one of the greatest shows of all time and we can't wait to deliver to the audience the fantastic stories the series is known for," said Silverman. "We will introduce new characters to the great ensemble."

          The series explores the inner workings of an urban teaching hospital and the critical issues faced by the dedicated physicians and staff of its overburdened emergency room. Currently concluding its 14th season, the highly acclaimed drama series now holds the distinction of being recognized as the most Emmy-nominated series in the history of television with 120 nominations. A winner of the prestigious George Foster Peabody Award, the series has also earned 22 Emmy Awards, including Outstanding Drama Series in 1996, among the many accolades. In addition, the cast has been honored with four Screen Actors Guild Awards for Outstanding Ensemble Performance in a Drama Series.

          The long-running series stars Maura Tierney ("Semi-Pro," "Welcome to Mooseport"), Mekhi Phifer ("Dawn of the Dead," "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "8 Mile," "Slow Burn"), Parminder Nagra ("Ella Enchanted," "Bend It Like Beckham"), Linda Cardellini ("Brokeback Mountain," "Scooby-Doo" movies, "Grandma's Boy," "Freaks and Geeks"), Scott Grimes ("Band of Brothers," "American Dad," "Party of Five," "Mystery, Alaska") and John Stamos ("A Raisin in the Sun," "Jake in Progress").

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NBC Universal Media Studios And DirecTV Form A Partnership To Renew "Friday Night Lights" For A 3rd Season

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)          NBC Universal Media Studios and DirecTV, the nation's leading satellite television provider, have formed a multi-platform partnership to launch a third season of the drama series, "Friday Night Lights," to be broadcast initially on DirecTV and subsequently telecast on NBC later in the 2008-09 season.

          NBC will begin broadcasting the Season 3 episodes of the Peabody Award-winning drama on Fridays (9-10 p.m. ET), starting soon after NBC's telecast of the Super Bowl in 2009. DirecTV would have exclusive rights to the season's 13 new episodes beginning Wednesday, October 1 on DirecTV's entertainment channel "The 101."

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NBC Will Use Post-SuperBowl Audience To Debut A New Spinoff From The Comedy "The Office"

(April 10th, 2008. - Editor)           NBC announced today that the most coveted time period of the coming season, the post Super Bowl slot, will be used to launch a spinoff of the network's hit comedy series, "The Office." Immediately following NBC Sports' coverage of Super Bowl XLIII, the network will first present an original episode of "The Office," followed by the debut of the new Greg Daniels comedy. The Super Bowl has been perennially the biggest television event of the broadcast season and was watched this year by a total audience of more than 148 million viewers. Giving this new series that coveted premiere slot will afford the show tremendous sampling from all demographic groups.
          Greg Daniels, Executive Producer of "The Office," said, "Who would have ever thought that Americans would be subjected to a mock-documentary after the Superbowl? What has happened to this country?"

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Quotables From "Saturday Night Live's" "Weekend Update" with Amy Poehler And Seth Meyers

As Performed On April 5th, 2008.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR AMY POEHLER "Hillary Clinton's campaign on Friday released her joint tax returns, showing $109 million in income over the last seven years. Though most of that comes from Bill Clinton's speaking engagements, book royalties and stud fees."

POEHLER "The Olympic torch arrived in Beijing Monday were it immediately suffered an asthma attack and died."

"WEEKEND UPDATE CO-ANCHOR SETH MEYERS "Hillary Clinton on Tuesday said she is not a quitter and compared herself to Rocky Balboa...the washed up, over-the-hill white contender, who despite a Herculean effort, is soundly beaten by the charismatic black guy"

MEYERS "In the wake of the expanding mortgage crisis, The Bush administration on Monday proposed the most far-reaching overhaul of the financial regulatory system since the Great Depression. On the downside, all banking transactions now begin with 'pick a card.'"

POEHLER "Senator John Edwards said this week that he would not consider accepting a nomination for vice-president, adding, [whispery] 'Yes, I would.'"

POEHLER "Employers who were concerned about a possible recession cut 80,000 jobs in March, the most in five years. 'This is an absolute dream come true,' said Doug Wentworth, a man who eats homeless people."

MEYERS "People in Cuba snatched up DVD players, pressure cookers and other appliances on Tuesday as a variety of consumer products went on sale for the first time. Unfortunately, this is causing massive lines at Cuba's outlet."

MEYERS "After Governor Bill Richardson switched his support from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama last week, an angry Bill Clinton said, 'five times to my face he said he would never do that.' Wow, so he just looked you right in the face and lied to you? What's that like?"

POEHLER "In an interview in Vanity Fair magazine, Madonna criticizes New York City saying that it 'doesn't feel alive, crackling with that synergy' in had in the 1980s. Said New York City, 'right back at ya.'"

POEHLER "According to a new study, the number of female hunters between the ages of 6 and 15 has increased 50% in recent years. Thanks in large part to the magazine, 'Guns & Ammo & Gossip & Shoes & Boys.'"

MEYERS "Scientists have discovered a fish that crawls instead of swims and has forward-looking eyes, which they believe is an entirely unknown family of fish. But, then after taking a second look…yeah, that's a squirrel."

MEYERS "A German priest has developed a plan to help his parishioners relax from the stress of everyday life by having them lie in an open grave. And once again, Germany has managed to out-German itself."

POEHLER "Larry King this week was asked by the umpire to leave his son's little league baseball game. Partly because of his behavior and partly because his son is 81 years old."

POEHLER "A 43 year-old sand tiger shark died this week at the New York Aquarium in Coney Island, where it has spent that last 40 years in captivity. Tragically, for a rape it never committed."

MEYERS "A new study shows that people with a large potbelly are at an increased risk for dementia in their later years. So don't be shocked if Santa brings you a carrot on Flag Day."

MEYERS "According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. While the least popular is Osama bin Sniffin'."

POEHLER "New York State is considering doubling its cigarette tax to three dollars, which would make the cost of a pack of cigarettes in New York City almost 9 dollars. Said smokers, 'Oh-my-god-that's-outrageous-okay-we'll-pay-it.'"

POEHLER "Researchers say they have found the earliest known gold jewelry made in the Americas in a burial site in southern Peru. The researchers say this is the strongest evidence yet for the existence of 'cave guidos.'"

MEYERS "The Chinese Olympic Committee has published a new list of banned drugs, which include, turtle blood, root potions and deer penis. Wait, so, I did see Roger Clemens going down on a deer."

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Quotables From NBC's "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" From March 31st to April 4th, 2008.

"This weekend Bill Clinton said that Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. When asked why, Bill said, 'Because then she'd come home.'"

"This weekend, Senator Barack Obama tried bowling and his bowling score was a very low 37. Afterwards, Obama told reporters, 'That's it, no more white guy sports for me.'"

"The President of Cuba, Raul Castro announced that it is now legal for Cubans to have cell phones. Cubans were thrilled when they heard this and said, 'What's a cell phone?'"

"This week in Europe, Paris Hilton was slightly bruised after she was knocked down by a group of photographers. Paris wasn't seriously hurt because her fall was broken by the pile of guys she was having sex with."

"Police in Arizona arrested a man after they found 400 pounds of marijuana in his gas tank. The man defended himself by saying it was cheaper to fill up the tank with marijuana than with gas."

"A university in Toronto has started offering a course in fighting obesity. Apparently, the class is packed and it only has 3 students."

"In Oregon, a man who used to be a woman is claiming that he's pregnant - and doctors say it's actually possible that he could give birth. The man says: 'The more I think about giving birth - the more I regret getting rid of my vagina.'"

"Barack Obama went bowling this past weekend and scored an incredibly low 37 so today, Hillary Clinton challenged him to a bowl-off. Now, I've never seen Hillary bowl, but based on her haircut, I'm betting she's really good."

"The Washington Post reports that John McCain is having trouble raising enough money for his campaign. Plus everytime someone does donate money to McCain, he puts it in a card and sends it to his grandchildren."

"Cuban President Raul Castro says he wants to modernize Cuba's transportation system. Castro said, 'For instance, we just made a raft with cup holders.'"

"The CIA says they are creating a website similar to Wikipedia so that agents can post information about their investigations. The CIA is also creating a website similar to MySpace so agents can let everyone know that Stacy has been acting like a total bitch."

"The Vatican just announced this week that Islam has passed Catholicism as the most popular religion in the world. The Pope was a very gracious loser and said: 'You know, you gotta give the Muslims credit, that 72-virgins-in-the-afterlife thing was genius.'"

"In a new survey, Larry King was voted 'the unsexiest host on television.' Of course, that's bad news for Larry but a huge relief for the ladies of 'The View.'"

"In Florida, police arrested a 93 year-old man for trying to hire a prostitute. The man said he didn't want to have sex with her, he just wanted her to yell dirty things in his good ear."

"A new survey found that people from Southern New Jersey don't like people from Northern New Jersey. If things heat up between the two sides, it could lead to some ugly 'mullet-on-mullet' violence."

"Paris Hilton's grandfather has decided to snub Paris and donate her 2 billion dollar inheritance to charity. After hearing this, Paris said, 'I'm going to have to earn that money back the hard way.'"

"Hillary Clinton's campaign has come out with another ad with her answering the phone at the White House at 3 am. In this one, Hillary handles the crisis than asks, 'By the way, have you seen my husband?'"

"Yesterday on the campaign trail, John McCain gave a speech at the high school he attended in Virginia. McCain told the senior class, 'What a coincidence: you graduate in '08, and I graduated in '08.'"

"Donald Trump says he would like to hire Ashley Dupre, the prostitute in the Eliot Spitzer scandal, to appear on his new reality show. Apparently his new reality show is called 'Donald Trump Hires a Hooker.'"

"A professor at Jerusalem's Hebrew University says Moses was high on drugs when he received the Ten Commandments from God. Which finally explains why it took Moses 40 years to find his way out of the desert."

"Today, scientists announced that they have found the gene that causes people to become addicted to cigarettes. Apparently, it was hiding out in a high school bathroom."

"In Germany, a woman went to a plastic surgeon to have her wrinkles removed but when she woke up in the hospital the doctor had given her breast implants. Afterwards, the doctor said, 'Hey, no one's looking at her wrinkles anymore.'"

"In Ohio, a man was arrested outside his home because he was caught having sex with the umbrella hole in his patio table. In his defense, the man says: 'It was either the patio table - or the bug zapper.'"

"This week, the Chinese government canceled a Celine Dion concert in Beijing. After hearing about it, the Dalai Lama said, 'You know, maybe those guys aren't so bad after all.'"

"A brewery announced it's coming out with a beer named in honor of Barack Obama. They're also honoring Hillary Clinton by coming out with crushed beer nuts."

"John McCain has been campaigning all over the country this week and yesterday McCain gave a speech in Florida. The Florida speech was at 2:30 in the afternoon because McCain was the after-dinner speaker."

"In Michigan, someone bought a winning lottery ticket worth $135 million dollars at a gas station. The lottery winner says he's going to use the $135 million to buy a tank of gas."

"Yesterday NBC announced that from now on they'll offer new shows all year round. And when NBS says NEW shows, they mean 'The Apprentice 6,' 'American Gladiators 2' and a 4th night of 'Dateline'".

"According to a new sex survey, sexual intercourse should last from 3 to 13 minutes. Of course, this was a survey conducted by asking only men."

"In his new autobiography, Bobby Brown says that Whitney Houston drove him to drugs. Brown says that before Whitney when he wanted drugs he had to hitchhike."

"In Tampa, Florida, someone has started a porn camp that will teach you how to be a porn star. The porn camp is like regular camp except there's only one person in the three-legged race."

"The Clintons have released their tax returns - and it turns out that over the past 8 years - they've donated over $10,000,000 to charity. When Bill Clinton was asked why he gave so much money to Charity, he said: 'She's a really good dancer.'"

"Barack Obama's campaign office is giving away tickets to Dave Matthews concerts. Apparently this is Obama's attempt to win over REALLY white voters."

"President Bush is in Europe, and today he met with Romanian Prime Minister Popescu-Tariceu. Or as Bush calls him 'Pop Tart.'"

"John McCain says he has 20 names on a list of possible vice presidential candidates. Unfortunately, most of the names on the list are characters on 'Matlock.'"

"The New Kids on the Block have reunited and are planning to release a new album and go on tour. Experts say it was now or never for the New Kids – and unfortunately they chose 'now.'"

"Yesterday in London, Naomi Campbell was arrested for assaulting a police officer. Afterwards she apologized and said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you worked for me.'"

"Earlier this week, instructors at a ski resort in California announced that Stevie Wonder has been taking ski lessons. When he heard about it, Stevie said: 'Seriously? I thought it had just gotten really windy.'"

"Historians say they have found the oldest voice recording ever, dating back to 1860. The recording says, 'Welcome to the program, this is Larry King.'"

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Opening Remarks From The Late Show With David Letterman

As Performed Between Monday, March 31-Friday, April 4, 2008.

"Spring in New York City, is there anything better than spring in New York City?  Here's a sure sign that it's spring in New York City:  this weekend, Eliot Spitzer spent the entire weekend with a girl named Robin."

"I love the spring in New York City because everybody gets into the spring spirit.  The Department of Public Works, this is what they do every spring:  they put salt around the outside of, like, potholes, you know?  And then they fill them with tequila."

"Hey, today is opening day at Yankee Stadium, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.  Here is a pointer:  this year at Yankee Stadium, they are limiting alcohol sales at Yankee Stadium, so they're advising all fans to show up drunk."

"And the old Yankee Stadium - final season there.  This time next year, you know what it's going to be?  Starbucks." 

"And yesterday down in Washington, D.C., President Bush threw out the first pitch at the Nationals game.  Did anybody see that?  He stayed and then left in the seventh inning and I thought, ‘Well, great, at least he has an exit strategy for that.'"

"By the way, speaking of baseball, you know who is on the program tonight?  Jose Canseco is on the program tonight.  In his new book, he claims that in 1998, he introduced John McCain to Metamucil."

"You know who I like is that John McCain.  You folks like John McCain?   He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys.  He looks like the guy who can't stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing...He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine.  He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places.  He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash."

"You folks been following the Presidential race?  You know, Hillary now is behind in states, behind in delegates and behind in the popular vote and also in the polls.  And, today, she said to Obama, ‘Are you ready to throw in the towel?'"

"And they make a big deal out of everything.  She was talking about she was visiting Bosnia years ago and they had to crawl to the airport under sniper fire. And then they dig out the footage and everything was ‘Hey, how you doing?  Nice to see you.' Well, she says the reason she said that was because of sleep deprivation.  Sleep deprivation, so I'm thinking, ‘Well, she'll be great on those 3 AM phone calls, won't she?'"

"But don't kid yourself, this campaigning for President is rugged stuff, and they're saying now that Hillary's campaign is having money troubles.  They're running out of dough.  And it's expensive - it's like literally a billion dollars to run a campaign.  And now she's having trouble paying her bills.  As a matter of fact, it's ugly.  Earlier today, a repo guy shows up, honest to God, and confiscated her pantsuit."

"You getting excited about the Presidential campaigns?  Well, as you know, the election is only three years away.  Hillary Clinton - oh my gosh, what a battle the Democrats are having.  Hillary Clinton and that Barack Obama, it's exciting, though, but here - it's costly.  And they say that Hillary Clinton's campaign is out of money. Out of money, and as a matter of fact, it may be true.   Earlier today, she was shopping at ‘Pantsuits for Less.'"

"Hey, here's good news, ladies and gentlemen:  the circus is in town at Madison Square Garden.  You seemed mildly insulted there for a minute - ‘Oh, yeah, what is the circus doing in town?'  Everybody gets excited about the circus except for you folks.  And, Hillary Clinton claimed that once she was shot out of a cannon."

"But, boy, I'm telling you, Hillary is getting knocked around pretty good here lately.  Every time she says something, people are jumping all over her.   She compared herself to Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone's Rocky.  She said, ‘I'm just like Rocky,' is what she said.  And I was thinking, ‘Well, if Hillary is Rocky, then John McCain is the old cut man in the corner, remember that guy?'" 

"John McCain right now - hey, John McCain was on the show last night, as a matter of fact.  I like John McCain.  He reminds me of a guy who spends a lot of time in the yard with a hose.  He is looking for a vice presidential running mate.  Looking for a vice presidential candidate to be his running mate, and he needs a guy who is conservative, understands the economy and knows how to operate a defibrillator."

"Boy, oh boy, how about that Hillary?  Are you following the campaign, ladies and gentlemen?  If the election were held tomorrow, who would you vote for?  Would you vote for John McCain?  Or would you vote - yeah, would you vote for John McCain?  Or would you vote for Barack Obama?  Or would you vote for Hillary Clinton?  And if the election were held tomorrow, man, what a surprise, huh?  Anyway, Hillary here lately has been comparing herself to Sylvester Stallone's Rocky Balboa. Yep, she calls herself Rocky, and today, she was wearing an Everlast pant suit."

"Are you familiar with the Hillary Clinton 3 AM phone call commercial that she has been running during her campaign?  The idea is the phone rings at 3 AM, ‘Oh my God, who do you want to be the President?'  Well, she's got another one of those and it's, the phone rings and it's 3 AM, Hillary answers the phone and she picks it up and says, ‘Stop bothering me, President Obama.'"

"And John McCain, by God, has one of those 3 AM campaign commercials.  In this one, it's 3 AM and he just gets up to go to the bathroom."

"Ladies and gentlemen, big news in the world of television:  Kathie Lee Gifford, you remember Kathie Lee Gifford?  Who was on the Regis Lee show with Kathie Lee Gifford, is returning to television.  She's going to be on the ‘Today' show, returning to television.  Now, here's the scary part:  President Bush knew about this, but failed to act."

"Tax season, ladies and gentlemen - just a reminder.  Are you ready?  You got an accountant?  Is everything ready to go?  And you've got to be careful, and this is why I always ask my dates for receipts because you just never know."

"Here's a reminder:  just a few days away from tax time.  I hope everybody has filed their taxes for 2007.  Are you getting ready to file?  I thought this was great.  It's tax season, and Governor and Mrs. McGreevey had a four way with H&R Block."

"Hey, you like science?  Are you like me, do you like science?  This is crazy, listen to this:  scientists now in England, here's what they done.  They've put together a half a human and half a cow, and they've created, honestly, a half-human, half-cow embryo.  Think about that, they have an embryo that is half-human, half-cow, and I got to thinking about this and I said, ‘Jeez, if I could milk myself, I would never have to leave the house.'"

"But I think that's pretty scary.  It may be the scariest thing that has happened in the world of science until a few years ago - remember this?  Scientists combined a human and a raccoon and came up with that thing on Donald Trump's head."

"But seriously, half human, half cow, and what they came up with now is a guy who can swat flies with his own tail."

"Here, ladies and gentlemen, is a study about sex, and I think everybody's interested in sex.  According to this study, optimal sexual activity - three to 13 minutes.  Yeah, well, maybe if you're Superman."

"Three to 13 minutes, and I'm very proud.  When I read this, I said to myself, ‘By God, I go the full 13.'  Here's - let me break this down for you - one minute for sex, 12 minutes apologizing."

"Another anniversary - folks like snack food?  Today is the 78^th birthday of the Twinkie.  Seventy-eighth birthday of the Twinkie, and they have the first one, and right there on the wrapper, back there 78 years ago, right there on the wrapper it says, ‘Best by 2012.'"

The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, a production of Worldwide Pants Incorporated, is broadcast weeknights (11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.  Barbara Gaines, Maria Pope, Jude Brennan and Rob Burnett are the executive producers.

 

 

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