SAM NEILL ('THE TUDORS,' 'JURASSIC PARK'), SEAN BEAN ('THE LORD OF THE RINGS') AND JOSS ACKLAND ('LETHAL WEAPON 2') TO JOIN THE CAST OF NBC'S NEW FALL ADVENTURE DRAMA SERIES 'CRUSOE'          NBC announced that Sam Neill ("The Tudors," "Jurassic Park"), Sean Bean ("The Lord of the Rings") and Joss Ackland ("Lethal Weapon 2") will join the cast of NBC's new landmark series, "Crusoe".         (Read More)

JIM CRAMER HEADS FROM WALL STREET TO NASCAR'S PIT ROAD FOR HIS FIRST NBC SPECIAL: 'THE AMERICAN DREAM WITH JIM CRAMER'      Jim Cramer heads to Pit Road to do what he does best—inspire, educate and empower everyday people to be smart about their money.         (Read More)

NBC REVEALS FALL SERIES PREMIERE DATES            NBC unveils the Fall 2008 series premiere dates for new programs and returning favorites.         (Read More)

"THE 51ST ANNUAL GRAMMY (R) AWARDS" WILL BE BROADCAST LIVE FROM STAPLES CENTER IN LOS ANGELES, SUNDAY, FEB. 8 ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK          THE 51ST ANNUAL GRAMMY® AWARDS will return to STAPLES Center in Los Angeles, Sunday, Feb. 8  (8:00-11:30 PM, live ET; delayed PT) on the CBS Television Network.         (Read More)

ABC.COM FULL EPISODE PLAYER TO ADD NEW CUSTOMIZATION AND ENHANCED VIEWING FEATURES THIS FALL          ABC.com unveil a new full episode player. The new player will feature a completely redesigned user interface and will incorporate several enhancements to allow for user customization, interactivity and improved viewing capabilities.         (Read More)

TEN AMERICAN PLAYERS ANNOUNCED FOR "I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW," PREMIERING TUESDAY, JUNE 24 ON ABC          "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" has completed shooting in Japan for a premiere TUESDAY, JUNE 24. The final winner will take home $250,000.         (Read More)

QUOTABLES FROM NBC'S 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN' MAY 19 – MAY 23          Published: May 27, 2008.         (Read More)

OPENING REMARKS FROM THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK         Monday, May 12 - Friday, May 16, 2008.         (Read More)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Signs You're Not Going to Win 'American Idol' "           As presented on the Tuesday, May 20 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN.         (Read More)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Excuses of the Naked Pilot"          As presented on the Wednesday, May 21 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN.         (Read More)

UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK          May 29 & 30, June 2, 3, 4, 5, 6         (Read More)

UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK            May 29 & 30, June 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10 & 11.         (Read More) 

"THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO" LISTINGS           May 29 & 30, June 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.     (Read More)

LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'           May 29 & 30.     (Read More)

"THE VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW" TO RETURN TO THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK IN FALL 2008

This year's Victoria's Secret Fashion show will take place at the legendary Fontainebleau Miami Beach.  The iconic resort, originally designed by Morris Lapidus, is poised to re-open after a $1 billion renaissance and will set the stage for the sexiest night on television.  Victoria's Secret Supermodel Heidi Klum, along with Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and a bevy of other Victoria's Secret Angels, will star in this holiday infused lingerie runway show, which will also include musical performances, red carpet interviews, model profiles and a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the world's most celebrated fashion show.

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CAMERON MATHISON AND SHERRI SHEPHERD TO HOST "THE 35TH ANNUAL DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS," LIVE, JUNE 20 ON ABC

SOAPnet's Original Series "MVP" to Air on ABC Immediately Following the Awards Cameron Mathison ("All My Children" and "Dancing with the Stars") and Sherri Shepherd ("The View") have been tapped to host "The 35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards," live from Hollywood's Kodak Theater, FRIDAY, JUNE 20 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET -- tape-delayed to the West Coast) on ABC. The announcement was made today by Brian Frons, president, Daytime, Disney-ABC Television Group and executive producers Ricky Kirshner and Glenn Weiss. Frons also announced that the first episode of SOAPnet's new original scripted series, "MVP," which follows the on and off-the-ice drama surrounding the Mustangs hockey team and the women in their lives, will air on ABC at 10:00 p.m., immediately following the Daytime Emmys.

"Cameron and Sherri both have such an inviting way about them. Viewers will feel like they're in the Kodak and part of the excitement and enthusiasm surrounding this year's broadcast," said Frons. "They bring the perfect vibe to the celebratory atmosphere of this show." In commenting about "MVP," Frons said: "the Daytime Emmys are the perfect springboard into SOAPnet's new original series. We have a unique opportunity to leverage the strength of the division and showcase a great new dramatic series to a broad audience that loves serialized drama."
 
"We are excited to have two of the biggest supporters of daytime programming as our hosts," said Mr. Kirshner and Mr. Weiss. "The audience - both in the Kodak and at home - is in for a very entertaining evening, courtesy of Cameron and Sherri."

Mathison currently portrays Ryan Lavery on ABC's "All My Children," a role he created. He is also the host of SOAPnet's reality show "I Wanna Be a Soap Star," and was featured as a celebrity dancer on the fifth season of ABC's hit competition series, "Dancing with the Stars."

Shepherd is a co-host of ABC's "The View." In addition to stand-up shows and roles in several sitcoms, she had a regular supporting role in the ABC primetime comedy series "Less than Perfect."

If you miss the June 19 premiere of SOAPnet's new original series "MVP," you can catch it on the ABC Television Network at 10:00 p.m., ET/PT on June 20, immediately following the two-hour Emmys broadcast. All-new episodes will premiere Thursdays at 11:00 p.m., on SOAPnet. The pilot episode, entitled "Game On," opens with a shocking tragedy with one of the team's star players and the aftermath that sends shock waves throughout the organization and his family. The series is produced by Screen Door Inc., with Mary Young Leckie and Heather Haldane serving as executive producers.

Seats are still available for "The 35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards" and can be purchased directly from all Ticketmaster locations, including the company's website at ticketmaster.com. Tickets can also be purchased Monday through Saturday, from 10:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m., and Sunday from 10:00 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. at the Kodak Theater Box Office, 6801 Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood. Press credentials for "The 35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards" red carpet and post-show media rooms will be available beginning Wednesday, May 28 at www.abcmedianet.com.

Presenters, performers and guest stars will be announced in the coming weeks. Talk show host Regis Philbin ("Live with Regis & Kelly") will receive the Lifetime Achievement Award during the ceremony. "The 35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards" will be broadcast live on ABC FRIDAY, JUNE 20, from Hollywood's famed Kodak Theatre. This year marks the third time in the ceremony's history the Daytime Emmy broadcast will be presented from Hollywood. White Cherry Entertainment will produce the show, with Ricky Kirshner and Glenn Weiss serving as executive producers.

The awards recognize outstanding achievement in all fields of daytime television production and are presented to individuals and programs broadcast from 2:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. during the 2007 calendar year. "The 35th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards" is a presentation of the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.

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NBC'S 'AMERICAN GLADIATORS' GOES GREEN AND 'HULKS OUT' WITH SPECIAL 'THE INCREDIBLE HULK'-THEMED EPISODE MONDAY, JUNE 9

BURBANK, Calif. – May 28, 2008 - In addition to heart-pounding action, NBC's "American Gladiators" will celebrate the explosive new chapter in the Super Hero franchise that's captivated the world for more than 40 years with a special "THE INCREDIBLE HULK"-themed episode on Monday, June 9 (8-9:00 p.m. ET), it was announced today. The film roars into theaters on June 13.

Not only will guest star Lou Ferrigno (who played The Hulk in the popular 1970s TV show) make a special appearance in the green-hued "Hulked Out" Gladiator Arena, the world will meet a very different Titan. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry…

The competition is as fierce as ever in this special episode, as science teacher Tony Tolbert goes up against inspirational Columbine High School survivor Landon Jones. On the women's side, Army veteran Chuanda Mason goes toe-to-toe with gritty crime reporter Rochelle Gilken. Fans will also get an exclusive, never-before-seen clip from the upcoming "THE INCREDIBLE HULK" before the final contestants battle it out in the Eliminator.

ABOUT "AMERICAN GLADIATORS"
Hulk Hogan ("Hogan Knows Best") and Laila Ali ("Dancing with the Stars") host "American Gladiators," the iconic competition series, with a fresh modern reinvention for the 21st century. The show features new events and new gladiators in a new state-of-the-art Gladiator Arena. Using splashy twists including special effects, water skills and the latest technology, the classic Gladiator games have been upgraded with even higher thrills, impact, energy and spectacle.

Celebrating the everyday, true American heroes -- weekend warriors who excel and take pride in their physical fitness -- 40 contenders will go up against the show's gladiators, charismatic and eclectic warriors -- in the ultimate David & Goliath battle. Everyday amateur athletes compete against the gladiators in contests of physical strength and endurance. The gladiators are action-adventure stars ready to take down the everyday challengers with hard knocks and explosive attitudes.

All contenders will have a unique story to tell and a compelling reason why they need to win. These unsung heroes combine brawn and heart in their effort to be worthy competitors, winning over the audience and turning them against the villainous gladiators.

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PRODUCTION HAS BEGUN ON ABC'S SUMMER SERIES "WIPEOUT," WHERE FEARLESS CONTESTANTS COMPETE ON THE WILDEST OBSTACLE COURSE EVER SEEN ON TV

Production has begun in Los Angeles on "Wipeout," a painfully funny new reality series featuring 24 thrill-seekers who will compete in the world's largest extreme obstacle course designed to provide the most spills, face plants and wipeouts even seen on television. "Wipeout" premieres TUESDAY, JUNE 24 (8:00-9:00 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network.

Each week 24 daring new contestants of all ages, shapes and sizes will go head to head through four rounds of grueling and physically demanding but wildly hilarious obstacle courses to win the title of "Wipeout Champion" and the grand prize of $50,000. The contestants and the courses change every week, with over-the-top obstacles including "Dizzy Dummy" the "Dirty Balls" and "The Dreadmill" - which will have contestants jumping hurdles on a 40-foot long treadmill at warp speed. In the end, only one contestant will win, while everyone else will Wipeout!

"Wipeout" is hosted by John Anderson (ESPN's "SportsCenter") and John Henson
(E! Entertainment's "Talk Soup"). Jill Wagner is co-host. Executive producer is Matt Kunitz. Scott Larsen is co-executive producer.

"Wipeout" is produced by Endemol USA. David Goldberg is the president of Endemol USA, a leading producer of television programming specializing in reality and non-scripted genres for network and cable television. The company produces the break-out hits "Deal or No Deal," "1 vs. 100," "Fear Factor," "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "Big Brother." Endemol USA is a division of Endemol Holding, a prominent international content developer, producer and distributor of television and online programming. The company, headquartered in the Netherlands, has subsidiaries and joint ventures in 21 countries, including the major European markets, the U.S., South Africa, Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and Australia. Endemol Entertainment is a fully owned subsidiary of telecommunications giant Telefónica S.A., one of the largest companies in Spain. ABC Media Relations Contact: Virginia Mastroianni (818) 460-6989, Virginia.m.mastroianni@abc.com Endemol USA Contact: Chris DiIorio (310) 854-4866, cdiiorio@bncprolcom Photography is available at www.abcmedianet.com or at (818) 460-6611

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SAM NEILL ('THE TUDORS,' 'JURASSIC PARK'), SEAN BEAN ('THE LORD OF THE RINGS') AND JOSS ACKLAND ('LETHAL WEAPON 2') TO JOIN THE CAST OF NBC'S NEW FALL ADVENTURE DRAMA SERIES 'CRUSOE'

BURBANK, Calif. - May 22, 2008 - NBC announced that Sam Neill ("The Tudors," "Jurassic Park"), Sean Bean ("The Lord of the Rings") and Joss Ackland ("Lethal Weapon 2") will join the cast of NBC's new landmark series, "Crusoe" an epic and ambitious take on Daniel Defoe's legendary tale.

"Crusoe" finds the dashing and resourceful Crusoe (Philip Winchester, "Thunderbirds") after many years of being a castaway on a desert island with his companion Friday (casting to follow). Written by Stephen Gallagher ("Eleventh Hour") and directed by Duane Clark ("CSI: NY"), "Crusoe" follows the adventures of the two island dwellers while looking in flashback at Crusoe's life before he was thrown into an isolated existence filled with danger and adventure.

Among those are his tragic childhood with widower father James (Bean), the blossoming relationship with the love of his life, Susannah (Walton) and his endeavor to transform entrepreneurial aspirations into a business empire under the watchful eye of family friend, Jeremiah Blackthorn (Neill). Overcoming marauding militias, hungry cannibals, wild cats, starvation and apocalyptic lightning storms on his seemingly idyllic island, Crusoe dreams of the day he will be reunited with his beloved family.

Due to film in the United Kingdom, South Africa and the Seychelles, "Crusoe" is a distinctive, dramatic and daring story, laced with humor and plenty of high-octane action.

Neill has been acting, directing, producing and editing for over 30 years. His first feature film was "Sleeping Dogs " in 1977. He then moved to Australia and his performance in "My Brilliant Career" in 1979 was noticed by British actor James Mason who lobbied for him to get the lead role in "The Final Conflict" in 1981. Because of this, Neill moved to England where he also became famous as the title character in "Reilly: Ace of Spies" in 1983. In 1993, Neill achieved commercial and critical success with the feature films "Jurassic Park "and "The Piano. " Most recently Neill has been seen in "The Tudors."

Sean Bean is one of England's most versatile actors and has held a stellar career spanning every medium for approximately 20 years, including theater, radio, television and movies. Bean's roles have been varied and convincing such as the angst-ridden villain in "Clarissa," passionate lovers like Mellors in "Lady Chatterley's Lover," a rough-and-ready soldier in "Sharpe's Honor," a heart-wrenching warrior in "The Lord of the Rings," and noble Odysseus in "Troy."

Joss Ackland is a distinguished English actor who has appeared in over one hundred movies, scores of plays, and a plethora of television programs in his six-decade career. Ackland is best known for his role in the feature "White Mischief, the TV production of "Shadowlands" in 1985 in which he played writer C.S. Lewis, and in Lethal Weapon 2 " in 1989 as the South African heavy. On December 31, 2000, Ackland was named a Commander of the British Empire on the New Year's Honours List for his 50 years of service to the English stage, cinema and television.

Crusoe is written by Stephen Gallagher, directed by Duane Clark and executive producers are Justin Bodle for Power, Michael Prupas for Muse and Genevieve Hofmeyr for Moonlighting.

Founded in 1995, Power has produced an impressive, premium slate of feature-film quality mini series over the past six years and has been distributing television programming internationally for 12 years. Power's current slate includes XIII: The Conspiracy starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff.

Collaborating with the world's most respected broadcasters, Power's productions include the International Emmy Award-winning miniseries "Henry VIII" (ITV), the original action-packed epic disaster mini series "Flood" (ITV) starring Robert Carlyle, International Emmy-nominated "Virgin Queen" (BBC), World War II epic "Colditz" (ITV), the adaptation of Robert Harris' contemporary thriller "Archangel," starring Daniel Craig (BBC), lively drama "Casanova," starring David Tennant and Peter O'Toole (BBC), and the multiple award-winning "The Incredible Journey of Mary Bryant" (ITV/Network TEN).

Power's ongoing TV movie productions, 'Power Thrillers', include six newly commissioned movies for the Lifetime Channel in the US last year. The company supplies primetime drama to more than 100 broadcasters and millions of TV viewers across the world and has produced more than 125 million worth of high quality TV drama to date. Visit www.powcorp.com.

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START YOUR ENGINES…CNBC's JIM CRAMER HEADS FROM WALL STREET TO NASCAR'S PIT ROAD FOR HIS FIRST NBC SPECIAL: 'THE AMERICAN DREAM WITH JIM CRAMER'

NEW YORK AND ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS, NJ — May 22, 2008 — NASCAR is the number one spectator sport in the country with fans representing a true cross-section of America, which is why CNBC's Jim Cramer heads to Pit Road to do what he does best—inspire, educate and empower everyday people to be smart about their money.

On Sunday, July 13th at 7PM ET, NBC broadcasts "The American Dream with Jim Cramer." The one-hour NBC special, hosted by CNBC's Jim Cramer, gives viewers and NASCAR fans the straight-talk on the economy from one of the greatest minds on Wall Street and features unprecedented, behind-the-scenes access to NASCAR in order to help them discover the wealth of money-making opportunities everywhere, even in their favorite pastime.

Broadcasting from Lowe's Motor Speedway in Charlotte, N.C in front of an audience of die-hard NASCAR and "Mad Money" fans, the one- hour special is the perfect vehicle to tap into America's conversation about money and the topics that weigh heavily on all of our minds including high oil prices, plummeting home values and shrinking nest eggs.

Cramer will get the full NASCAR experience from a ride-along at 180 mph to pit tours to interviewing two of the brightest and most magnetic stars of the sport, drivers Carl Edwards and Kyle Busch. Edwards is an entrepreneur as the owner of an independent record label. Busch currently leads the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series and is known for his "take no prisoners" driving style—a perfect match for Cramer and his "take no prisoners" approach to investing.

"Jim Cramer has the unique ability to find the business opportunity hidden in everything. He demystifies the market, unlocking investment opportunities using real examples that everyone can understand," said Mark Hoffman, President, CNBC. "And what better venue to relay his message than NASCAR, whose loyal fans mirror the die-hard enthusiasm Jim's fans have for the markets."

Jim Cramer is the host of "Mad Money w/Jim Cramer," which airs weeknights at 6PM & 11PM ET on CNBC. Regina Gilgan is the executive producer "The American Dream with Jim Cramer" and "Mad Money w/Jim Cramer."

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NBC REVEALS FALL SERIES PREMIERE DATES

BURBANK -- May 23, 2008 -- NBC unveils the Fall 2008 series premiere dates for new programs and returning favorites including a three hour launch of the hit drama "Heroes" on Monday, September 22, the Thursday night debut of the new comedy "Kath & Kim" (9:30-10 p.m. ET) on October 9. "America's Toughest Jobs," the new extreme competition series, will debut with a two-hour premiere this Fall on September 12 (8-10 p.m. ET). In addition, the new drama series premieres include "Knight Rider" on September 24 (8-9 p.m. ET), "My Own Worst Enemy" on September 29 (10-11 p.m. ET) and "Crusoe" on October 17 (8-10 p.m. ET).

The announcements were made by Ben Silverman, Co-Chairman, NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios.

On April 2, NBC previously announced Fall, Winter and Summer nightly schedules for the 2008-09 broadcast year, allowing the advertisers to plan their media strategies for the 52-week schedule.

The eagerly anticipated return of "Heroes" launches with three hours in primetime on Monday, September 22 (8-9 p.m. ET) with an hour-long compilation show that will lead into a spectacular all new, two-hour premiere (9-11 p.m. ET). Second-year drama "Chuck," starring Zachary Levi as an unlikely security risk, returns on Monday, September 29 (8-9 p.m. ET) preceding the series premiere of the new drama "My Own Worst Enemy" (10-11 p.m. ET), starring Christian Slater as a seemingly simple man with a radically split personality.

The new comedy "Kath & Kim," starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, joins the comedy block on Thursdays, beginning October 9 (9:30-10 p.m. ET). The series is based on the most successful comedy in Australia of the same name. An expanded two-hour edition of "The Biggest Loser: Families" (8-10 p.m. ET) will air on Tuesdays, after "America's Got Talent" concludes its run.

Also new to the Fall schedule is "America's Toughest Jobs" (previously announced for Summer 2009), a new extreme competition series from creator/executive producer Thom Beers ("Ice Road Truckers") and executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun. The series will debut with a two-hour episode on Friday, September 12 (8-10 p.m. ET) and return the next week at 8-9 p.m. (ET) for five weeks before resuming from 9-10 p.m. (ET) beginning October 24.

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (10-11 p.m. ET) will round out the night with its 10th season premiere beginning September 23.

The new drama "Knight Rider" (8-9 p.m. ET) will kick off Wednesdays starting September 24 followed by the dramedy "Lipstick Jungle," starring Brooke Shields, Kim Raver and Lindsay Price, which returns for its second season on the same night (10-11 p.m. ET). NBC's hit game show "Deal or No Deal" also returns with fresh episodes on Wednesdays after "America's Got Talent" concludes.

Thursday night comedy favorites return with a one-hour premiere of the fourth season of "My Name Is Earl" on September 25 (8-9 p.m. ET) followed by the one-hour season premiere of the Emmy Award-winning "The Office" (9-10 p.m. ET). "ER" begins its 15th and final season on Thursday, September 25 (10-11 p.m. ET). The new comedy "Kath & Kim," starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair premieres Thursday, October 9 (9:30-10 p.m. ET) and the Emmy-winning "30 Rock," starring Tina Fey ("Baby Mama") and Emmy winner Alec Baldwin, begins its third season on Thursday, October 30 (8:30-9 p.m. ET).

Preceding the premiere of "30 Rock" will be three consecutive weekly "Saturday Night Live" special election editions of "SNL Thursday Night Live" (8:30-9 p.m. ET) on Thursday, October 9, 16 and 23.

"Life" resumes its second season on Friday, October 3 (10-11 p.m. ET) in the drama starring Damian Lewis as a wrongly imprisoned police detective who returns to the force searching for justice. "Crusoe," the action-adventure, contemporary re-telling of the classic Daniel Defoe novel "Robinson Crusoe," will debut on in a special two-hour premiere on Friday, October 17 (8-10 p.m. ET). "America's Toughest Jobs" will air in its regularly scheduled timeslot (8-9 p.m. ET) on Fridays leading up to the premiere of "Crusoe."

Following is NBC's Fall 2008-09 premiere schedule (all times ET):

*New programs in UPPER CASE (with the exception of "ER")

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12
"AMERICA'S TOUGHEST JOBS"
Series premiere (8-10 p.m.)
Returns on September 19 (8-9 p.m.) for five weeks; then resumes from 9-10 p.m. on October 24

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22
"Heroes" clip show (8-9 p.m.)
Season premiere (9-11 p.m.)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (10-11 p.m.)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
"KNIGHT RIDER" (8-9 p.m.)
"Lipstick Jungle (10-11 p.m.)

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
"My Name Is Earl" -- one-hour premiere (8-9 p.m.)
"The Office" -- one-hour premiere (9-10 p.m.)
"ER" (10-11 p.m.)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 29
"Chuck" -- (8-9 p.m.)
"MY OWN WORST ENEMY" -- (10-11 p.m.)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3
"Life" -- (10-11 p.m.)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9
"KATH & KIM" (9:30-10 p.m.)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17
"CRUSOE" -- two-hour premiere (8-10 p.m.)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30
"30 Rock" -- (8:30-9 p.m.)


NEW SERIES DESCRIPTIONS:
In "My Own Worst Enemy," Henry Spivey (Christian Slater, "Bobby") is a middle-class efficiency expert living a humdrum life in the suburbs with a wife, two kids, a dog, and a minivan. Edward Albright is an operative who speaks 13 languages, runs a four-minute mile, and is trained to kill with his teeth. Henry and Edward are polar opposites who share only one thing in common -- the same body. When the carefully constructed wall between them breaks down, Henry and Edward are thrust into unfamiliar territory where each man is dangerously out of his element. "My Own Worst Enemy" explores the duality of a man who is literally pitted against himself. And it raises the question: who can you trust when you can't trust yourself? Mike O'Malley ("Yes, Dear") and Saffron Burrows ("Boston Legal") also star. The series is produced by Universal Media Studios. Jason Smilovic ("Kidnapped") is the executive producer; David Semel (director of the "American Dreams," "Heroes" and "Life" pilots) is the director and executive producer.

On the heels of NBC's hit movie, the iconic 1980s television classic comes roaring back to life as a reinvented, updated and super-charged action series showcasing the new KITT (Knight Industries Three Thousand). Absolutely the coolest car ever created, KITT is equipped with "AI" (artificial intelligence) that is capable of hacking almost any system. Its weapons systems matches that of a jet fighter, and its body is capable of actually transforming into other vehicles and uses sophisticated holographic imagery to elude villains. "Knight Rider" stars Justin Bruening ("Cold Case"), Deanna Russo ("NCIS"), Sydney Tamiia Poitier ("Veronica Mars") and Bruce Davison ("Breach"). David Bartis ("Heist," "The O.C."), Doug Liman ("Mr. and Mrs. Smith," "The Bourne Identity") and Gary Scott Thompson ("Las Vegas," "The Fast and The Furious") are executive producers. Based on characters created by Glen Larson, "Knight Rider" is from Universal Media Studios and Dutch Oven Productions.

The new landmark series "Crusoe" is an epic and ambitious take on Daniel Defoe's legendary tale that finds the dashing and resourceful Crusoe (Philip Winchester, "Thunderbirds") after many years of being a castaway on a desert island with his companion Friday (casting to follow). Written by Stephen Gallagher ("Eleventh Hour") and directed by Duane Clark ("CSI: NY"), "Crusoe" follows the adventures of the two island dwellers while looking in flashback at Crusoe's life before he was thrown into an isolated existence filled with danger and adventure. Among those are his tragic childhood with widower father James (Sean Bean, "The Lord of the Rings"), the blossoming relationship with the love of his life, Susannah (Anna Walton "Hell Boy: the Golden Army") and his entrepreneurial aspirations under the watchful eye of family friend, Jeremiah Blackthorn (Sam Neill, "The Tudors," 'Jurassic Park"). Overcoming marauding militias, hungry cannibals, wild cats, starvation and apocalyptic lightning storms on his seemingly idyllic island, Crusoe dreams of the day he will be reunited with his beloved family. The executive producers are Justin Bodle for Power, Michael Prupas for Muse and Genevieve Hofmeyr for Moonlighting.

For "Kath & Kim," they're the most dysfunctional duo in suburbia. Kath Day (Molly Shannon, NBC's "Saturday Night Live") is the mom, a foxy, 40-something divorcée who finally has time for herself and her valiant search for love. Kim Day (Selma Blair, "Hellboy," "Hellboy II") is the daughter, a self-absorbed princess recently separated from her husband who finds consolation in stuffing her face. When Kim decides to move back home, Kath reluctantly agrees -- but to Kim's chagrin, Kath is not about to cater to her every whim as she has in the past. Based on the most successful comedy in Australia of the same name, Kath and Kim are two brassy women who prefer the finer things in life like acrylic nails, big hair and faux diamond chips. The series is produced by Universal Media Studios and Reveille. The executive producer/writer is Michelle Nader ("The King of Queens") and the executive producer/director is Paul Feig ("Freaks and Geeks," "The Office"). Gina Riley, Jane Turner and Rick McKenna also are executive producers.

From creator/executive producer Thom Beers ("Deadliest Catch," "Ice Road Truckers") and executive producers Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun, "America's Toughest Jobs" is a new extreme competition series that will test 12 people who venture out of their safe, comfortable careers and are injected into some of the most challenging, dangerous and demanding jobs on earth. From logging high in the Oregon Forest to oil drilling on the Texas range, or from driving icy roads to extreme fishing -- each job requires guts and stamina, and they'll have to live up to the same standards as the pros. In the end, their new boss and co-workers will determine success or failure, and those who don't make the grade get sent home. Upping the ante, the annual salary of each job will be thrown into the pot until the finale, where one rookie will take home the well-earned cash. Hosted by Josh Temple, "America's Toughest Jobs" is created by executive producer Beers and is produced by Original Productions and BermanBraun.

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"THE 51ST ANNUAL GRAMMY (R) AWARDS" WILL BE BROADCAST LIVE FROM STAPLES CENTER IN LOS ANGELES, SUNDAY, FEB. 8 ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

THE 51ST ANNUAL GRAMMY® AWARDS will return to STAPLES Center in Los Angeles, Sunday, Feb. 8  (8:00-11:30 PM, live ET; delayed PT) on the CBS Television Network, it was jointly announced by Jack Sussman, Executive Vice President, Specials, Music and Live Events, CBS, and Neil Portnow, The Recording Academy President/CEO.

"The GRAMMY Awards are unique for their once in a lifetime musical surprises," said Sussman. "What better place to host Music's Biggest Night^TM than the STAPLES Center right in the heart of the great city of Los Angeles. We are looking forward to launching GRAMMY's next 50 years right here on CBS in our own backyard."

"The next 50 are here, and we are delighted to be in our hometown," said Portnow.  "We will continue to offer a weeklong series of GRAMMY events that showcase various genres of music, educational programs and charitable activities.  Additionally, we look forward to working with the city of Los Angeles and our great partners at CBS and STAPLES Center on another memorable GRAMMY show."

Nominations for THE 51ST ANNUAL GRAMMY AWARDS will be announced in Los Angeles on Dec. 4, 2008.

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DISNEY-ABC TELEVISION GROUP'S EMMY AND WEBBY AWARD-WINNING ABC.COM FULL EPISODE PLAYER TO ADD NEW CUSTOMIZATION AND ENHANCED VIEWING FEATURES THIS FALL  

Dedicated to expanding its network and channel brands across multiple platforms and connecting viewers with their favorite shows anytime and anywhere, Disney-ABC Television Group announced today that this fall it will unveil a new version of the award-winning ABC.com full episode player. The new player will feature a completely redesigned user interface and will incorporate several enhancements to allow for user customization, interactivity and improved viewing capabilities.

"Over the past two years, we've been squarely focused on creating  a high quality consumer experience that combines ABC's most popular shows within a network-branded environment, effectively monetizing it through an interactive advertising model, and distributing it openly throughout the Internet from wherever consumers search for our content," said Albert Cheng, executive vice president, Digital Media, Disney-ABC Television Group. "Our leadership position in the online video space is the result of the tireless efforts of our digital media team. Our desire to continually push the envelope to create 'what's next' delivers a widely accessible, world class viewing experience to consumers and unparalleled returns to advertisers."
 
Building upon its success, the player's new features will include:

* True full-screen viewing
* Enhanced navigation and powerful video search capabilities that will allow users to search for series graphically, alphabetically, by genre or popularity
* Content sharing tools providing users the ability to send and share video links from full episodes with others through email or by embedding links on other websites, blogs and social networks
* Content recommendation functions
* Closed captioning
* Parental ratings information for all full episode content

Combining sleek, modern design with superior user-friendly functionality, the player will continue to offer users episodes of ABC's most popular series, many of them available in HD and in a variety of viewing sizes to provide the best online video viewing experience currently available. Users will also have the continued ability to launch the player off of ABC.com, affiliate sites, portals and video aggregator sites, as well as social network sites via the ABC.com full episode widget.

"Since we launched ABC.com full episode player in 2006, we've been continually looking at ways to make a great product even better," said Alexis Rapo, vice president, Digital Media, ABC Entertainment. "The clean, new user interface, powerful search tools and other enhanced functionality features, like true full screen and closed captioning, are examples of how we're again raising the bar when it comes to online video."

Featuring a unique interactive advertising model designed for high ad retention, ABC.com's full episode player continues to deliver a premium to advertisers, attracting a young, highly educated and loyal user base. Since launching in 2006, over 300 million episodes have been initiated through the ABC.com full episode player and over one billion ads have been served. Based on research conducted earlier this year, users of the full episodes player are highly satisfied with the viewing experience, with 88% rating it positively and over 90% reporting that they were likely to recommend watching full-length episodes on ABC.com to others.

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TEN AMERICAN PLAYERS ANNOUNCED FOR "I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW," PREMIERING TUESDAY, JUNE 24 ON ABC

"I Survived a Japanese Game Show" has completed shooting in Japan for a premiere TUESDAY, JUNE 24 (9:00-10:00 p.m., ET) on ABC.  This unscripted reality/game show takes an eye-opening, behind-the-scenes look at 10 Americans (listed below) - many of whom have never traveled outside the United States -- who were whisked away to Japan to compete in the ultimate Japanese game show...with hilarious results. The final winner will take home $250,000.
 
Guiding the American players through their stay in Japan will be host/interpreter Tony Sano ("Touch Wood," "Beating Vegas"), an American actor fluent in Japanese; a house mother and resident pot-stirrer, Mamasan; and the witty game show host Rome Kanda ("Pink Panther," "Saturday Night Live"), who leads the contestants through all of the zany challenges.

The ten players are:

MARY GREENAWALT (23)
Occupation: Gym membership sales rep
Matthews, North Carolina
Education: BFA Acting
With her bright red hair and devil-may-care attitude, Mary is the epitome of a fireball. Admittedly vain, this vixen has a healthy love of herself and a low opinion of others. She's incredibly silly and relies on her pixieish charm to get by, and even gets paid for being a "party motivator" -- a job tailor made for this wild child.

ANDREW KELLY-HAYES (28)
Occupation: Radio sales consultant
Boston, Massachusetts
Education: BA Journalism/Communication
With his hilarious stories and off-the-wall energy, this flip flop-wearing funnyman could be a long-lost Belushi brother. Whether he's schmoozing old ladies at Bingo, harassing strangers while on "Smile Patrol" or joining his college cheerleading team to meet hot girls, Andrew has a reputation for being a nut.

BELINDA MADISON (38)
Occupation: Veterinarian
Charlotte, North Carolina
Education: BS in Marine Science and DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine)
This independent, career focused woman is a feisty veterinarian who puts making money and friends before any romantic relationships. Belinda's confidence is evident in her vivacious and spunky -- yet poised -- persona.

CATHY NARDONE (21)
Occupation: Affiliate manager
Staten Island, New York
Education: Bachelors Degree
Happily born and raised in Staten Island, New York, Cathy is "Staten Island for life" with no plans or desires to ever leave. This brutally honest tough chick has a mouth like a sailor and will "swear to God" she's not to be messed with in the slightest.

DARCY SLETAGER (31)
Occupation: Photo editor
Sandpoint, Idaho
Education: BFA Visual Arts
This small town, single mom is in desperate need of an escape from her lackluster life of the cubicles and from the dating scene of Sandpoint, Idaho. Always putting her kids first, Darcy feels it's time to take herself off the back burner and get back to the fiery blonde she used to be.

DONNELL PITMAN (32)
Occupation: Real estate appraiser
Chicago, Illinois
Although Donnell is usually loud and energetic, this "All American" dad is struggling to provide for his family and fulfill his shattered dreams of playing pro football. Donnell has competition coursing through his veins and would love the opportunity to prove to his family that he can be greater than what they've seen so far.

JUSTIN WOOD (24)
Occupation: Financial representative
Trussville, Alabama
Education: Attending Community College
Charming and good looking, Justin describes himself as a "divine, fine and genuine-grade-A piece of southern beast." A true southern gentleman, complete with the "twang," Justin is a fish-loving, hunting, girl-chasing guru at heart.

MEAGHAN COOPER (22)
Occupation: Bartender
San Antonio, Texas
Education: AA degree
Despite being born and raised in San Antonio, Meaghan is the spitting image of a blonde California Valley girl. Hot, ditzy and free-spirited, she uses her sex appeal to her advantage in both her work and personal life. And, of course, she loves to be the center of attention.

OLGA MEDVEDEV (26)
Occupation: Waitress
Medford, Massachusetts
Education: BA in Broadcast Journalism
Olga's "don't-mess-with-me attitude" comes off quite abrasive, if you're not ready for it, but who can blame her, coming from a Russian family with eight brothers? Not easily forgotten, this opinionated waitress is hilarious and comical with her "tell it like it is" way of life.

BEN HUGHES (44)
Occupation: Punxsutawney Phil's handler / hospital VP
Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
Education: MS Human Resources
He's lovable, he's comical, admittedly in the midst of a mid-life crisis, and he's the official handler of Punxsutawney Phil, the ground hog. Who wouldn't fall in love with this modest, cheerful and quirky character?

Some of the games/challenges will include:

WHY IS THIS FOOD SO HARD TO EAT? -- Why? Because the food is attached to the head of a teammate who must run in place on a fast-moving treadmill, while the first teammate leans over a platform and tries to eat from the moving dish.
 
CRAZY CRANE FINDS FLUFFY BEAR -- This takes the American arcade game to the next level, as blindfolded teammates must operate a moving crane while another teammate precariously dangles trying to collect as many stuffed animals as he/she can.
 
CHICKEN BUTT SCRAMBLE -- The contestants create their own version of Japanese scrambled eggs as they attempt to smash goo-filled oversized eggs with only their butts... while wearing chicken suits.

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QUOTABLES FROM NBC'S 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN' MAY 19 – MAY 23

Published: May 27, 2008

"In a speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton said that John McCain 'couldn't be more out of touch.' Then Hillary said, 'Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to win the Democratic nomination.'"

"In a speech today, Barack Obama accused John McCain of trying to bankrupt Social Security. Not by voting against it - just by collecting it for 80 years."

"Microsoft is aggressively trying to stop Yahoo from striking a deal with Google. Experts are calling this the nerdiest fight since 'Stargate' went up against 'Battlestar Galactica.'"

"'Star Trek's' Commander Sulu, George Takei says he plans to take advantage of California's same-sex marriage law and marry his partner. As a result he plans to set his phasers to 'fabulous.'"

"The people who make Nintendo Wii started selling a new fitness game that is supposed to help users get in shape. When you turn the game on it says, 'Hey, go outside fat ass.'"

"This week, a senior at a high school in Great Falls, Montana was the only member of his graduating class. At the ceremony, the student said, 'if you think my graduation sucked you should have seen my prom.'"

"In Arkansas, a man was arrested for robbing a store because police traced him to a half-eaten Snickers bar at the scene of the crime. After hearing this, Kirstie Alley said, 'The real crime was leaving a half-eaten Snickers bar.'"

"In Tampa, Florida, someone has started a porn camp that will teach you how to be a porn star. The porn camp is like regular camp except the tug o' war is extremely painful."

"Tonight is a big night for the candidates. Hillary Clinton is expected to win in Kentucky; Barack Obama is expected to win in Oregon and John McCain is expected to win at Bingo."

"Yesterday Barack Obama visited an Indian reservation and the chief adopted him and gave him the name Black Eagle. The Chief also gave Hillary Clinton the name Runs Even After Losing."

"The White House has announced that next month, President Bush will be making a trip through Europe. President Bush says he's really excited to go to Europe because he's never seen a kangaroo."

"Tomorrow night, 'American Idol' will announce this season's winner. The winner gets a recording contract and the loser has to give Paula Abdul a ride home."

"'Star Trek' star George Takei announced he wants to have a same sex marriage with his long-term partner. After hearing about it, 'Star Trek' fans were shocked and asked, 'What's sex?'"

"Britney Spears is denying rumors she's pregnant. She says her weight-gain is from water-retention. Then Britney admitted that the weight-gain is also from Beef Jerky retention."

"This week, a senior at a high school in Great Falls, Montana was the only member of his graduating class. Afterwards the boy said, 'I can't wait to go to my 10-year reunion and see what I've been up to.'"

"The city of Canton, Ohio wants to impose jail sentences on homeowners who don't mow their lawns. Residents say this is unfair because watching grass grow is the most exciting thing to do in Canton, Ohio."

"Doctors are saying that because of the rise in obesity, many teenage boys are growing breasts - and deciding to have them surgically reduced. Apparently the boys got tired of telling their friends: 'Hey guys - I'm up here.'"

"Tonight was the season finale of 'American Idol' and for the first time in years, America had to choose between two men. When asked about it Ryan Seacrest said, "that's nothing, I have to choose between two men every night."

"Yesterday while campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. Then she picked up a newspaper and said: 'Holy crap - I gotta drop out of this thing!'"

"This week Barack Obama campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. The Indians prefer Obama to John McCain because they still remember when McCain took their land."

"While Barack Obama was visiting the Indian reservation the chief also gave him the Indian name 'Black Eagle.' Then the chief admitted that his Indian name is 'Big Chief Lazy Nick-namer.'"

"Next month, one of the last Democratic primaries will be held in the state of Montana. Barack Obama was expected to win the support of Montana's black voters, but they both moved to Idaho."

"NASA has developed a $250 million dollar device that will allow astronauts to convert their urine into drinking water. Which sounds impressive – but it's really just a urinal cake taped to a Brita filter."

"A new politically correct Bible is being sold where all the male references to God have been replaced by the gender-neutral name 'Eternal One.' Even better - the name 'Jesus' has been replaced by the more gender-neutral 'Terry.'"

"Charlie Sheen's ex-wife Denise Richards is denying rumors that she asked Sheen for his sperm in the hopes of getting pregnant through artificial insemination. Richards said, 'Why would I ask for Charlie Sheen's sperm, you can get that anywhere.'"

"Yesterday, the man who created the Backstreet Boys was sent to prison for 25 years on money laundering charges. Actually it was 5 years for money laundering and 20 years for creating the Backstreet Boys."

"The season finale of 'American Idol' was last night and viewers had the difficult decision of choosing either David Cook or David Archuleta. And Paula Abdul had the difficult decision of choosing between Jack Daniels and Jim Beam."

"This weekend, John McCain invited Louisiana's governor, Florida's governor, and Mitt Romney to a barbeque at his home in Arizona because he wants to choose one of them to be his running mate. McCain says he got the idea of choosing a running mate this way by watching 'Flavor of Love.'"

"This week, Barack Obama was endorsed by 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd. Byrd said, 'Obama will make a great president and if he doesn't I won't be around anyway.'"

"In Arizona, police discovered that a church had a portable meth lab on its grounds. Police realized the church had a meth lab when the priest managed to say the entire mass in 20 seconds."

"The city of Canton, Ohio wants to impose jail sentences on homeowners who don't mow their lawns. Residents say this is unfair because watching grass grow is the most exciting thing to do in Canton, Ohio."

"It's been revealed that Charlie Sheen pays his ex-wife Denise Richards $52,000 a month in child support. Sheen says, 'I've never paid that much money to a woman who didn't have a pimp.'"

"A new study that just came out has found that the chemicals in the liners in pizza boxes can cause obesity. As a result, consumers are being told to stop eating the liners of pizza boxes."

"A new Paris Hilton sex tape has surfaced and in this one, Paris is in a bathtub. So now, the only locations where Paris hasn't made a sex tape are a dumpster and a woodchipper."

"'Time' magazine says that former President Bill Clinton is pushing very hard for Barack Obama to choose Hillary as his Vice President. Bill says, 'Hillary would be a great Vice President – or a great Ambassador to any country that's far, far away.'"

"Earlier today, John McCain released 1200 pages of his medical records. Or - as his doctor calls it: 'Chapter 1.'"

"Speaking of McCain's medical records, John McCain's doctor says that McCain's service in the Vietnam War is unlikely to have an affect on his health. However the doctor says that McCain's health might be affected by his service in the Civil War."

"Yesterday, Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group and he told them that his name 'Barack' is the same as the Jewish word 'baruch' which means 'one who's blessed.' Obama had a harder time explaining his middle name, 'Hussein.'"

"'American Idol' announced their winner this week. After Ryan Seacrest announced that David Cook had won 'American Idol,' Cook hugged contestant David Archuleta and he said, "I love you." Then Ryan Seacrest hugged both of them and said: 'Three-way!'"

"It's Memorial Day weekend, which means it's time for the Indianapolis 500. Unfortunately because of the high gas prices, none of the cars will be going over 40 miles per hour."

"One of the most popular Memorial Day traditions is barbecuing – but economists say that high food prices this year could lead to something that they're calling "barbeque shock." In a related story, 'the barbeque shock' is also the nickname of Kirstie Alley's favorite sexual position."

"An auto dealer in Missouri has a promotion that promises buyers a free handgun with every car. Of course, if you show up carrying your own gun, the car is free."

"The state of New Jersey is considering legalizing the use of medical marijuana. Residents say: 'Come on - we live in New Jersey - you gotta give us something.'"

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OPENING REMARKS FROM THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK         Monday, May 12 - Friday, May 16, 2008.

"That's very nice of you.  That's so nice.  That makes me feel great.  That really - that makes up for not being invited to Jenna's wedding."

"Talked about this earlier - Mother's Day this weekend.  I - something went haywire somewhere, and when my mom comes to the house for Mother's Day, it's always the same thing.  We always get into - I'm going to call it a quarrel, is what I'm going to call it.  I'm going to call it a difference of opinion, but what it really is is an argument.  It's really a fight.  It's the same thing every year.  She's screaming at me, and finally I have to say, 'Mom, Scientology is not a cult.'"

"But it was great, and I love my mom and I got her a lovely gift for Mother's Day.  I got her a $25 Exxon mobile gift card - that ought to get her about half a tank."

"Oh, how about that Presidential race - Hillary Clinton just won't quit.  Can you believe that, ladies and gentlemen?  She just - I mean, you have to admire somebody who, against all odds, just won't quit.  I mean, right now, she has absolutely no chance whatsoever of being President, but she won't quit, and they're running out of money.  Hillary Clinton, God bless her, is running out of money, and today she was wearing a certified pre-owned pantsuit."

"But if you look at this historically, it's not that difficult to believe that Hillary would still be campaigning.  Listen to this:  once a year, once a year in his basement, Al Gore gives a State of the Union address."

"Anybody go down to the Crawford ranch for the big Jenna Bush wedding over the weekend?  Anybody down there?  ...It was a lovely affair, and God bless the kids.  It's so nice, so sweet, romantic.  But do you know there's a rice shortage?  Are you aware of the fact you can't get rice in this country?  So, when the wedding was over, they threw carmelized onions."

"That was so sweet because at the reception, President Bush danced with his lovely daughter.  It's the first time he's led in eight years."

"Beautiful wedding down there in Crawford, Texas, and they had a great time, and everybody enjoyed a lovely reception, and Bush danced with all the guests, and then Cheney shot the cake."

"Are you excited Regis Philbin is on the show tonight?  Or, as he's known in Barbara Walters' new book, 'Iron Man.'"

"Have you been following the Barbara Walters - the big book that she's got about her life called Audition.   Have you been reading the book?  Man, it's crazy because all along, we thought that Barbara was just a regular kind of serious news journalist, kind of a dedicated, sort of - but, ooh, man.  That's right.  And last night, she was on the Larry King show, and Larry King interviewed Barbara Walters.  Listen to this - during a commercial, they were married and divorced."

"I mean, anybody ever fly JetBlue?  Anybody ever been on the JetBlue?  I mean, great airline, right? It's a great airline, but, I want to tell you, I wouldn't give their troubles to a monkey on a rock.  Remember a couple winters ago, they had passengers stranded on planes for, like, two weeks?  They wouldn't take off, they couldn't land. They were just out there living on a plane for two weeks, couldn't get to them - awful.  Well, listen to this.  A guy now is flying a JetBlue flight from New York to Los Angeles.  Ever been to Los Angeles?  Yeah, it's nice.  It's nice out there, isn't it?  So, the guy's flying out there, and guess what?  They make him ride all the way in the restroom.  They make him ride all the way on the JetBlue plane in the restroom.  And I'm thinking, 'Well, on JetBlue, that's an upgrade, right?"

"Now, let's talk for a second about the Presidential race, the Democratic campaign, the primaries - it's getting a little tiresome, don't you think?  A little tiresome, and the election is still three years off.  And they all have the Canadian primaries left.  Then, of course, they go to Europe.  And Hillary Clinton - and here's the thing that troubles me.  I mean, win, lose or draw, at the end of the day, the bottom line, cut to the chase, it's a lot of money.  It's a lot of money to elect a President, don't you think?  Really, it's an awful lot of money.  Hillary Clinton's campaign, right now, this very minute -- $20 million in debt.  Yep, yep, so now when she gets that 3 AM call, it's from a collection agency."

"But they're not even pretending.  Hillary Clinton is so broke now - and this is true.  Some friends of mine spotted her in the middle of the night last night at a laundromat - honest to God - with a hamper full of pantsuits."

"I was talking to the audience about this earlier - what a beautiful day it is today in New York City.  Oh, it's heartbreakingly gorgeous.  Isn't it a great early spring, summer?  Here's how nice it was:  it was so nice today that Sue Simmons was shouting obscenities in the park."

"Here's a great thing about New York City - never a dull moment in this town, and I don't care if you've been here for an afternoon, I don't care if you've been here all your life - never a dull moment in New York City.  Listen to this:  yesterday, hawks, dangerous hawks, predators, hawks, were attacking construction workers.  New York City construction workers being attacked by hawks.  However - it was very scary - however, thank God, thank God that thing on Donald Trump's head, thank God, at the last minute, swooped down and ate the hawks."

"Where is President Bush?  Well, I'll tell you where President Bush is today: President Bush is in Israel.  That's where he is today.  He is there looking for knishes of mass destruction."

"Hey, you know who was in town this morning?   John McCain - do you like John McCain?  He was on the 'Regis and Kelly' program this morning, and I don't know, maybe he was tired.  I don't know what the deal was.  He seemed a little confused.  He kept calling Regis 'Maury.'"

"Here's the reason - the day before, John McCain was in the Pacific Northwest, and one of the things he did, he strolled through a redwood forest, took a nice long walk through a redwood forest, and you know what?  He was the oldest thing in the forest."

"How about this Democratic Presidential campaign?  Don't you want it to stop?  I mean - and it's going to be - the election is, what, three years away?  And once they finish up in the United States, then they go to Mexico and campaign - they'll be campaigning in Mexico for another six months.  And Hillary won big in West Virginia, but here's the - Hillary won big, but here's the thing.  Her campaign is broke.  They're out of money -- $21 million in debt.  That's a lot of money to be in debt running for President, you know?  And here's how desperate it is - today, Hillary is so broke, she was shopping at Bob's Discount Pantsuits."

"But sure, it's a lot of fun, but listen to this:  her campaign is $21 million in debt.  Twenty-one million dollars in debt - so, her campaign is the world's most expensive fantasy camp."

"Hillary thinks there's a chance.  She's counting on her stimulus check to keep her going."

"It's sad because she's doing anything she can to raise money.  Earlier today, I saw her outside with a sign, wearing a sign that read, 'Will drop out for food.'"

"But finally some good news for Hillary - oh, I like good news.  Do you like good news?  I think everybody does.  And a bit of strategy now that I think could make Hillary Clinton unstoppable.  Today, listen to this:  today, a wealthy industrialist, a wealthy industrialist built her an iron pantsuit."

"Here's some great news - you know that Angelina Jolie?  Guess what?  She's pregnant with twins.  Not only that, listen to this:  she plans to adopt both of them."

"Well, here's the story of the week, and it probably affects a lot of you folks, because I get the feeling a lot of you folks have traveled from other parts of the country.  Am I right about that?  Sure.  Over the weekend, a guy decides he wants to go to California, so he gets on a jetBlue flight and they take off and they say, 'I'm sorry, we're out of seats.  We've got no more seats.  You'll have to ride in the restroom, in the lavatory.'  Riding in a rest room - here in New York City, we call that taking a cab."

"Do you like going to ball games, baseball games and stuff?  I like going out there - you know, the rosin, the pine tar, and that's just the hot dogs."

"Here's the deal, and the food now, they've determined, at ballparks is unhealthy.  Ballpark food - unclean.  Unclean ballpark food - sorry, that's the way it goes.  But, you know, Yankee Stadium, they're reacting to this.  They're not sitting still.  Up at Yankee Stadium, they filled the ketchup pumps - you know the ketchup pumps?  They filled those with Purell."

"Yeah, I bought a hot dog at Yankee Stadium the last time I was there, and it came - honest to God, this is a true story - it came wrapped in a health code violation."

"Here's a story:  a man in Pennsylvania was arrested for getting drunk, getting drunk now, and rather than drive himself wherever he needs to go - he's drunk, you see, so he won't drive - he lets his son drive him.  His son is nine-years old.  Well, if you can't do that, what really is the point of having kids, honestly?

"You folks know who Barbara Walters is?  Tremendous woman, iconic in the world of broadcasting - Barbara Walters - tremendous, been on the show many times - got a brand-new book, it's called Audition.  And in the book - and I thought it's going to be about stuff, you know?  No, it's about - and she - yeah, she had a lot of affairs with a lot of important people in Washington, D.C., a lot of politicians.  In fact, she says that the Washington Monument - you know the Washington Monument?  Nothing compared to Morris Udall."

"You know that Cher - you know Cher?  She is opening a brand-new show in Las Vegas.  Anybody planning to go see the big Cher show in Las Vegas?  Yeah, I know, it's still early, it's still 2008.  But she's appearing at Caesar's Palace, and what's remarkable about this, the last time Cher appeared at Caesar's Palace, Caesar was there." 

"Now, here's stuff - I love stuff like this:  you know Pamela Anderson, and I didn't realize this, this is how dumb I am.  Pamela Anderson is Canadian.  She's from Canada.  And not so long ago, she became a United States citizen.  So, as a result of that, she's getting to do American kind of stuff, and over the weekend, out there in California, she tossed out the first pitch at a Dodgers game.  Great, huh?  But during the seventh inning, she also married and divorced a bat boy."

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From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Signs You're Not Going to Win 'American Idol' "

As presented on the Tuesday, May 20 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

10.       Judges harshly critique your performance before you sing.

9.         Most of the votes you received - wrong numbers.

8.         When you sing, that thing on Amy Winehouse's head starts yelping.

7.         Producers refuse to tell you where the finale is being held.

6.         Even Dick Cheney thinks what you do is cruel and inhumane.

5.         While talking to Ryan Seacrest, you nervously yell, "No deal, Howie!"

4.         Every time you hit a high note, your pants fall down.

3.         No number 3 - writer playing Grand Theft Auto 4 on Xbox - promises jokes tomorrow.

2.         Even Hillary admits you have no chance. 

1.         You're so desperate, you skipped Paula and slept with Randy.

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From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Excuses of the Naked Pilot"

As presented on the Wednesday, May 21 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

10.       "I was just helping her with her bags."

9.         "You don't say 'no' to Barbara Walters."

8.         "Well, Harrisburg is the 'city of love.'"

7.         "Come on - Amtrak engineers run around naked in the woods all the time."

6.         "Uh...a bear stole my pants?"

5.         "I always get aroused after browsing through the Skymall catalog."

4.         "So we can't fly drunk or have sex - what is this, Russia?"

3.         No number 3 - writer still playing Grand Theft Auto 4 on Xbox - will try very hard to have jokes tomorrow.

2.         "Airline lost my clothes. 

1.         "I thought it was a layover."

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

(Monday through Friday, 12:37-1:37 AM, ET/PT, Following Broadcasts of the "Late Show with David Letterman")  

(*Denotes changes and/or additions to previous schedule)

Tuesday, May 27                     Actor Jeff Bridges; actress Sophia Myles; music by Grand Archives

Wednesday, May 28                Actor Ewan McGregor; music by Morrissey

Thursday, May 29                    Actor Kal Penn; actress Lake Bell

Friday, May 30                        Actress Felicity Huffman; music by Mike Doughty

Monday, June 2                        Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus from the CBS comedy series "The New Adventures of Old Christine"; music by Matt Costa

*Tuesday, June 3                   Actress Kristin Davis; talk-show host Joel McHale; comedian Drake Witham

*Wednesday, June 4              Actress Jane Kaczmarek; actor Evan Handler; comedian Bengt Washburn

*Thursday, June 5                 Comedian/host Jeff Foxworthy; actress Poppy Montgomery from the CBS drama series "Without A Trace"  

*Friday, June 6                      Actor Michael Clarke Duncan; comedian/host Chelsea Handler

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

Monday through Friday, 11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT  

(*Denotes changes and/or additions to previous schedule)

Thursday, May 29                                Actor Robert Downey Jr.; musical guest Alicia Keys

Friday, May 30                                    Actor Al Pacino; New York Mets star David Wright; a Top Ten List presented by 2008 Masters golf champion Trevor Immelman

*Monday, June 2                               Indianapolis 500 winner Scott Dixon; actor Adam Sandler; musical guest Donna Summer

Tuesday, June 3                                    Actress Julianne Moore; documentary filmmaker Morgan Spurlock; a performance from the Broadway musical "South Pacific"

Wednesday, June 4                              Actor Jack Black; musical guest Esperanza Spalding

Thursday, June 5                                  Actress Julia Roberts; musical guest Al Green

Friday, June 6                                       Actress Jenna Fischer; author/CBS Sports' Jim Nantz; musical guest Gavin Rossdale

*Monday, June 9                               Musical guests Gnarls Barkley

*Tuesday, June 10                             Actor Mark Wahlberg; musical guest Alanis Morrissette

*Wednesday, June 11                        Actress Zooey Deschanel; musical guest Jakob Dylan

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"THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO" LISTINGS

Published: May 23, 2008

Thursday, May 29: Guests include Jack Black and Clay Aiken

Friday, May 30, 2008: Guests include Conan O'Brien, Anderson Cooper and musical guest Allison Moorer

Monday, June 2: Guests include William Shatner, Chelsea Handler and musical guest Newton Faulkner

Tuesday, June 3: Guests include Liv Tyler, Judd Apatow and musical guest Usher

Wednesday, June 4: Guests include Jeff Foxworthy, Arianna Huffington and musical guests N.E.R.D.

Thursday, June 5: Guests include Dustin Hoffman, Gordon Ramsey and musical guests Flobots

Friday, June 6: Guests include Will Smith, Pete Sampras and musical guest Ed Harcourt

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LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN' UPDATED May 23

Published: May 23, 2008

**= updated

**Thursday, May 29 – Show 2537 – Will Ferrell, Rashida Jones, Fred Simmons

**Friday, May 30 – Show 2540 - Christina Ricci, Jason Sudeikis, Shooter Jennings

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