FOX
ANNOUNCES FALL PREMIERE DATES
FOR THE
2008-2009 SEASON
Thursday,
June 5, 2008
FOX
has set the fall premiere dates for its new and returning series and
will kick off the 2008-09 season with special two-hour premieres of
PRISON BREAK Monday, Sept. 1 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT); BONES Wednesday,
Sept. 3 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT); THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Thursday, Sept. 4
(8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT); and ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th
GRADER? Friday, Sept. 5 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT).
FRINGE,
the highly anticipated new thriller from J.J. Abrams (“Lost”),
Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (“Star Trek,” “Mission:
Impossible III,” “Alias”) and starring Joshua Jackson, Anna Torv
and John Noble, will debut with a two-hour premiere Tuesday, Sept. 9
(8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT). DO NOT DISTURB, the new workplace comedy
starring Jerry O’Connell and Niecy Nash, will premiere Wednesday,
Sept. 10 (9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT).
New
series and returning favorites’ premieres are listed below in
chronological order. All times are ET/PT.
Monday,
Sept. 1
8:00-10:00
PM
PRISON BREAK (2-Hour Season Premiere)
Wednesday,
Sept. 3
8:00-10:00
PM
BONES (2-Hour Season Premiere)
Thursday,
Sept. 4
8:00-10:00
PM
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (2-Hour Season Premiere)
Friday,
Sept. 5
8:00-10:00
PM
ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER? (2-Hour Season
Premiere)
Saturday,
Sept. 6
8:00-8:30
PM
COPS (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00
PM
COPS (Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00 PM
AMERICA’S MOST WANTED: AMERICA FIGHTS BACK (Season Premiere)
Monday,
Sept. 8
8:00-9:00
PM
TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES
(Season
Premiere)
9:00-10:00
PM
PRISON BREAK (Time Period Premiere)
Tuesday,
Sept. 9
8:00-10:00
PM
FRINGE (2-Hour Series Premiere)
Wednesday,
Sept. 10
8:00-9:00
PM
BONES (Time Period Premiere)
9:00-9:30
PM
‘TIL DEATH (Season Premiere)
9:30-10:00
PM
DO NOT DISTURB (Series Premiere)
Thursday,
Sept. 11
8:00-9:00
PM
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (Time Period Premiere)
9:00-10:00
PM
KITCHEN NIGHTMARES (Season Premiere)
Friday,
Sept. 12
8:00-9:00 PM
ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER? (Time Period
Premiere)
9:00-10:00
PM
DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS! (Season Premiere)
Saturday,
Sept. 13
11:00
PM-Midnight
MADtv (Season Premiere)
Midnight-12:30
AM
TALKSHOW WITH SPIKE FERESTEN (Season Premiere)
Tuesday,
Sept. 16
8:00-9:00
PM
HOUSE (Season Premiere)
9:00-10:00
PM
FRINGE (Time Period Premiere)
Sunday,
Sept. 28
8:00-8:30
PM
THE SIMPSONS (Season Premiere)
8:30-9:00
PM
KING OF THE HILL (Season Premiere)
9:00-9:30
PM
FAMILY GUY (Season Premiere)
9:30-10:00
PM
AMERICAN DAD (Season Premiere)
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“TERMINATOR:
THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES” REBOOTS WITH SEASON ONE MARATHON
BEGINNING SUNDAY, AUGUST 10, ON FOX
Tuesday,
June 10, 2008 Take
back the first season of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES (T:SCC)
this August on FOX. Beginning Sunday, Aug. 10 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT),
encore episodes of the entire first season of T:SCC will air Sunday
through Wednesday from 9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT. The action-packed season
finale cliff-hanger that left Cameron’s fate unknown will air
Sunday, Aug. 24 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT).
The
Season One reboot kicks off the countdown to the Season Two premiere
Monday, Sept. 8 (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.
TERMINATOR:
THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES reveals what happens when Sarah (Lena
Headey) stops running and goes on the offensive against an
ever-evolving technological enemy bent on destroying her life, and
perhaps the world. Her son, 16-year-old John Connor (Thomas Dekker),
is only now taking steps towards embracing his destiny as the future
savior of mankind. John finds himself caught between his fearless
protector, the sexy but sweet cyborg CAMERON (Summer Glau), and his
uncle DEREK REESE (Brian Austin Green) who refuses to accept Cameron
as an ally. Former FBI agent JAMES ELLISON (Richard T. Jones) has been
transformed into a believer. Accepting Sarah’s reality that “no
one is ever safe,” he’s now bent on figuring out his role in this
ever-evolving fate.
The
T:SCC marathon will feature the following episodes in original air
order:
Sunday,
Aug. 10 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Pilot”
In the
series premiere, Sarah Connor struggles to keep her son John Connor
safe from an enemy Terminator from the future and John makes a
surprising discovery about his new friend Cameron.
Monday, Aug. 11
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Gnothi
Seauton”
Sarah
makes contact with an old friend to ask a favor, while John decides to
pay a visit to Sarah’s ex and Cameron makes a new friend.
Together they infiltrate a resistance safe house and discover they are
not alone.
Tuesday,
Aug. 12
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“The
Turk”
Sarah
pays a visit to Miles Dyson's widow looking for Skynet's creators. Her
search leads her to Andy Goode, a cell phone salesman who also happens
to also be the inventor of a chess playing computer known as "The
Turk."
Wednesday, Aug. 13
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Heavy
Metal”
When
Sarah, Cameron and John track down stolen cargo, they become separated
from John leading him to discover the future isn’t as safe as he had
hoped.
Sunday,
Aug. 17
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Queen’s
Gambit”
When
Sarah’s friend submits his computer into a chess competition, she
revaluates his computer’s capabilities and worries where it could
all lead. During the chess match, Sarah comes face-to-face with
a stranger whose history is closely tied to hers.
Monday, Aug. 18
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Dungeons
and Dragons”
While
fighting for his life and moving in and out of consciousness, Derek
Reese remembers life in the future and his personal battle against the
machines.
Tuesday, Aug. 19
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“The
Demon Hand”
When
Sarah breaks into Agent Ellison’s apartment looking for a missing
endo-arm, she discovers dossiers, files and video from her stay in the
mental hospital. The files lead her to hospital psychiatrist Dr.
Silberman, a doomsday convert who made Sarah’s hospital stay
unbearable.
Wednesday, Aug. 20
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“Vick’s
Chip”
John
defends Cameron against a damning accusation by Derek while Sarah gets
too close to a Terminator.
Sunday, Aug. 24
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT)
“What
He Beheld”
Sarah
and Derek attempt a business transaction with a questionable man,
while John and Cameron find themselves in a precarious situation
during a school trip. Meanwhile, Agent Ellison discovers a nemesis at
the agency.
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"JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE" STUDIO AUDIENCE WINS $100,000 DURING GAME NIGHT
PRIMETIME SPECIAL
Wednesday,
June 11, 2008 During
last night's primetime special, Jimmy Kimmel's Aunt Chippy tried her
luck to win big for the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" studio audience
with just three hands of blackjack at the San Manuel Indian Bingo and
Casino. Aunt Chippy began the night with a single $10,000 bet and
increased her lot to $20,000 after winning her first hand. She then
bet $40,000 on her last and final hand as the audience rooted her on
via satellite. When the dealer flipped over Aunt Chippy's cards to
reveal the coveted "blackjack," the audience was stunned to
learn they would be splitting the $100,000 winnings. Eligible members
of the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" studio audience will each receive
a check of nearly $1000.
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CHEF
GORDON RAMSAY NAMES TOP 4 CHEFS ON “HELL’S
KITCHEN”
Corey
Earling, Jen Gavin, Christina Machamer and Louis Petrozza
Compete for Coveted Position Tuesday, June 17, on FOX.
The
competition has been simmering all season and last night Chef Gordon
Ramsay announced the Top 4 chefs who will compete for a senior chef
position at Gordon Ramsay at The London West Hollywood.
Corey
Earling, Jen Gavin, Christina Machamer and Louis Petrozza have sliced
and diced their way to the Top 4, but will need to continue to sharpen
their skills if they want to be the last chef standing in HELL’S
KITCHEN. Ramsay describes the Top 4 chefs as “some of the best
we’ve ever had…ambitious, very determined and very focused
individuals.”
The
final four chefs compete head-to-head as they race to feed 80 very
hungry, very picky and very pregnant moms-to-be Tuesday, June 17
(9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Renowned chefs Mark Peele from Campanile
and Ben Ford from Ford’s Filling Station prepare dishes and offer
advice to the challenge winner.
The
Top 4 chefs had this to say about what they learned from the
experience and from Chef Ramsay:
Corey Earling
– “…to be humble in life and in the kitchen. Being overly
confident takes away all the energy and creativity you need to get the
job done.” Earling is a private chef from Brooklyn, NY.
Jen Gavin
– “...that simplicity is the key. I’m super-creative, and I
sometimes try to put too much on a plate. Chef Ramsay taught me to
keep it clean and simple.” Gavin is a line cook from Chicago, IL.
Christina Machamer
– “…this whole experience taught me what I was made out of and
what standards mean in relation to food. I have not found that
level anywhere else.” Machamer is recent culinary school graduate
from St. Louis, MO.
Louis Petrozza –
“…to evolve my entire style of cooking. Bigger is not always
better. It’s about concentrating on smaller-portioned, stand-alone
items with great flavor combinations.” Petrozza is a catering
director from Charlotte, NC.
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'CHEERS'
STARS GEORGE WENDT & JOHN RATZENBERGER AND KATE FLANNERY &
BRIAN BAUMGARTNER FROM 'THE OFFICE' SCOUT TALENT ON NBC’S 'LAST
COMIC STANDING
BURBANK,
Calif. – June 10, 2008
– America's top comics have only one more shot at comedy's biggest
prize as NBC's "Last Comic Standing" airs its final U.S.
audition episode on Thursday, June 12 (8:30-10:00 p.m. ET).
"Cheers" stars George Wendt and John Ratzenberger return to
NBC to scout for comics, along with "The Office" stars Brian
Baumgartner and Kate Flannery.
This year's celebrity talent scouts – all comedy stars from NBC hit
shows past and present – have been north, south, east, west and
everywhere in between searching for the funniest comedians in the
country. The show's last two U.S. stops will take George Wendt and
John Ratzenberger, who played barflies Norm and Cliff on
"Cheers," to Nashville, while Kate Flannery and Brian
Baumgartner, who play Meredith and Kevin on "The Office,"
will go looking for laughs in Minneapolis. Viewers will see who the
last group of U.S. comics will be to compete for the coveted title of
"Last Comic Standing."
On the next episode airing June 19, there will be one additional stop
in Miami, the host city for comedians coming in to audition from all
over the globe. Then the best of the best will come to Las Vegas to
perform for a huge crowd at the Paris Las Vegas, where the top 12
comedy acts will be chosen as finalists. They'll move on to the
challenge rounds for a comedy showdown week by week, until the
funniest comics return to the Paris Las Vegas for the finals and the
finale. The "Last Comic Standing," as determined by
America's vote, will win a $250,000 grand prize including an exclusive
talent deal with NBC, a brand new Honda, and a starring appearance in
Jubilee! at Bally's Las Vegas.
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NBC'S
'DAYS OF OUR LIVES' TO TELL PROFOUND STORY OF COUPLE WHO DISCOVER
THEIR SON HAS AUTISM
BURBANK,
Calif. – June 10, 2008 – The growing
autism crisis – which has recently drawn increasing national
attention -- is addressed in a personal manner beginning in the June
24 episode of NBC's daytime drama "Days of our Lives" in an
insightful story based on the experiences of the series' head writer,
Dena Higley, who, with her husband has raised an autistic child of
their own. NBC joins with Autism Speaks, the nation's leading autism
advocacy organization, to help convey a message of hope and useful
information during the course of the storyline.
In the creative arc to continue through the summer, Dr. Lexie Carver
(Renee Jones) and Commissioner Abe Carver (James Reynolds), are told
their 3-year-old son, Theo, has autism. The news of Theo's diagnosis
is understandably hard for the couple to comprehend, but through the
love and support of family and friends, and the love for their son,
they learn a lot about their family and how to cope with this
tremendous, new challenge.
The Higleys' son, Connor, was diagnosed at age three. Now 19 years
old, he recently graduated from high school. Higley and her husband's
personal struggles and triumphs of raising a son with autism, plus
three other children, are why she is so passionate about sharing her
story -- one that hundreds of thousands of other American parents are
also currently experiencing.
"We're telling the profound and life-altering story of a child
with autism from his parents' point of view," said head writer
Higley. "Their pain, their struggle -- and ultimately, their
ability to find life-affirming hope in the midst of learning how to
live day to day with this disability. This is a personal story for
me...as my husband and I have walked in the shoes Abe and Lexie are
now about to walk in."
"I am thrilled that 'Days' has decided to take on this very
important topic," said Bruce Evans, NBC's Senior Vice President
of Daytime and Drama Programming. "We are hopeful that this
storyline will serve as a resource for our viewers, many of whom have
already been touched by this critical issue."
"This storyline realistically portrays the emotional trauma that
every family faces when a child is diagnosed with autism, yet it also
opens a window for viewers to see the hope and achievements that are
possible as a family pulls together," said Alison Singer,
Executive Vice President of Communications and Awareness for Autism
Speaks. "We are honored to work with 'Days of our Lives' and
applaud the show's commitment to shine a bright spotlight on the
autism crisis and its effects on the whole family."
In order to share the storyline responsibly, "Days of our
Lives" has joined with Autism Speaks, the nation's leading
nonprofit organization devoted to autism. The partnership between
"Days of our Lives," whose loyal audience extends across
generations for over 42 years, and Autism Speaks will help promote
awareness about a disorder that is diagnosed in one in every 150
children in the United States.
Seven-time Emmy-nominated writer, Dena Higley, began her career at
"Days of our Lives" in 1985, where she was a staff writer
for 19 years. In 2008, she returned to "Days of our Lives"
to become head writer.
Higley is married to Mark, her husband of 21 years, and together they
have raised four children -- two biological and two adopted. Their
eldest, son Connor, was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. Now 19,
Connor drives his own Mustang, has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do,
recently graduated from high school and is preparing to go to college
in Florida in the fall. Jensen, their second oldest, now 18 years old,
is about to enter USC as a theater major. Helio, their third eldest,
was adopted in 2003 from Ethiopia at age 8, and is now 13 years old
and going into 7th grade. Adelle, the youngest, was adopted from
Vietnam at 17 months in 1997 with her right leg missing below the knee
and her fingers fused together. She is now a cheerleader, plays
volleyball and is graduating from sixth grade.
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NBC
CELEBRATES 'MACY'S 4th OF JULY FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR,' FRIDAY, JULY
4th (9-10 p.m. EST)
Published:
June 9, 2008
Natalie
Morales, NBC's "Today" National Correspondent and Tiki
Barber, "Today" Correspondent and "Football Night in
America" Studio Analyst Co-Host the Live Telecast
NEW YORK – June 9, 2008 - NBC celebrates the nation's 232nd birthday
extravaganza with performances by chart topping Natasha Bedingfield,
country music superstar Kenny Chesney, 'American Idol's' recording
artist/actress Katharine McPhee, and pop sensation Jordin Sparks on
the live broadcast of the "Macy's 4th of July Fireworks
Spectacular." Hosted by Natalie Morales, NBC's "Today"
National Correspondent and Tiki Barber, "Today"
Correspondent and "Football Night in America" Studio
Analyst, the show will air in high definition on Friday, July 4th,
9-10 p.m. EST (all time zones).
UK sensation Natasha Bedingfield, has blasted her way up the American
pop charts. Her song "Unwritten," was the most played song
on mainstream American radio in 2006, and she's back with more hits
from her new album, "Pocketful of Sunshine" which she will
perform on this year's fireworks extravaganza. Still taking the USA by
storm, Bedingfield was nominated for "Best Female Pop Vocal
Performance" at the 2007 Grammy Awards.
Country music recording artist Kenny Chesney will be performing his
hit single "Never Wanted Nothing More." Chesney has produced
more than thirty Top Ten singles on the U.S. Billboard Hot Country
Songs charts, over thirteen of which have reached Number One. His
newest album "Just Who I Am: Poets & Pirates" has
already had two hit singles, "Never Wanted Nothing More" and
"Don't Blink." Chesney was recently named the Academy of
Country Music's "Entertainer of the Year" for the fifth
consecutive year and has received the American Music Award for
"Entertainer of the Year" for the past two years. Chesney is
currently headlining his national tour with LeeAnn Rimes.
Katharine McPhee will be performing "Save The Last Dance For
Me" during the fireworks spectacular. Best known for her success
on "American Idol," McPhee was the 2006 runner-up and went
on to debut her first album "Katharine McPhee" on RCA/19
Recordings which reached number 2 on the Billboard 200. Her first
single "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"/"My Destiny"
debuted at number 2 on Billboards Hot Singles Sales chart. McPhee is
currently working on her second solo album with 15 time Grammy winner,
producer/writer David Foster and will next star in "The House
Bunny" which will be released by Sony Pictures on August 22nd.
McPhee will soon begin production on Robert Angelo Masciantonio's
"The Storyteller" opposite Wes Bentley for Feverpitch
Pictures.
Performing her newest single "One Step at a Time," Jordin
Sparks is the youngest 'American Idol' winner, and has gained even
more recognition with her self-titled debut album, "Jordin
Sparks." Sparks has already spawned two chart topping hits,
"Tattoo" and "No Air," her duet with Chris Brown
for which she has been nominated for the 2008 BET "Viewer's
Choice Award". She recently received an NAACP Image Award in the
category of "Outstanding New Artist" and has toured with
Grammy winner Alicia Keys. Sparks continues to be consistent in her
mission of telling meaningful stories through songs.
Macy's Fireworks, the country's largest Fourth of July fireworks
extravaganza will feature more than 35,000 brilliant shells exploding
over New York City. 1,100 pyrotechnic shells are fired every minute,
when the first shells explode and begin their choreographed
pyrotechnic dance. Dancing in the sky this year will be new shells
from around the globe with fantastic moments including the highlight
of the Macy's Fireworks, the famed Golden Mile, a multi-layer
explosion which stretches across the skyline filling it with a golden
sparks from 1,200 feet in the air to the water's edge. Always a
patriotic show celebrating America's independence, its strength and
history, this year's Macy's Fireworks will also pay tribute to Macy's
150th Anniversary with a special moment. The special tribute is set to
help commemorate the great R.H. Macy whose legacy gave America the
World's Largest Store, the nation's largest 4th of July Fireworks and
the spectacular Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
"Macy's 2008 4th of July Fireworks will kick-off a season of
special events nationwide celebrating Macy's 150th Birthday. The
nation's biggest fireworks show begins with a resounding musical
fanfare accompanied by a dazzling pyrotechnic salute to the World's
Largest Store," says Robin Hall, Macy's Fireworks Executive
Producer. "America Dances, the theme and musical score, assembled
by our Creative Director Bill Schermerhorn and performed by the New
York Pops features a mix of American dance music and the patriotic
standards that give emotional resonance to the show." He
continued, "Macy's Fireworks is always rated the #1 show in
America by the American Pyrotechnic Association, and we're convinced
the 2008 show will be no exception."
Providing the music for the pyrotechnic dance is the show's musical
score. This year's show theme America Dances, will have the fireworks
twist, hop, jump and sway to patriotic standards and classic dance
themed tunes from our long history. Performed by The New York Pops
under the direction of Rob Fisher, the score will feature such
classics as "Good Golly Miss Molly", "The Twist",
"Save the Last Dance for Me", "Rock Around the
Clock", and the "Tennessee Waltz". In addition, the
score will also feature patriotic standards including "The Star
Spangled Banner" and "God Bless America". Lending her
talents to America Dances is pop music sensation Katherine McPhee, who
will be the guest soloist on the sultry "Save the Last Dance for
Me".
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SUBMISSION
WINDOW OPEN FOR NBC UNIVERSAL'S THIRD ANNUAL COMEDY SHORT CUTS FILM
FESTIVAL
BURBANK,
Calif. – June 5, 2008 – As part of
its ongoing commitment to discover diverse voices both behind and in
front of the camera, NBC Universal is currently accepting submissions
for its Third Annual Comedy Short Cuts Film Festival. The film
festival is a showcase of short, comedic films with culturally diverse
production teams, casts, or themes. The deadline for submissions is
August 15, 2008.
"Our Comedy Shorts Festival has continued to serve as a pipeline
for a variety of NBC Universal divisions for discovering and
developing diverse talent," said Kendra Carter, Director, Talent
Diversity Initiatives, NBC Universal.
Semi-finalist's films will be screened before an industry audience in
New York in September in conjunction with the New York Television
Festival. Finalists will be sent to Los Angeles for an exclusive
industry screening in October at Universal Studios.
The winning filmmaker will have the opportunity to meet with NBC
Universal's top network, studio, cable, and film executives to pitch
their projects and ideas. Additional prizes and opportunities are soon
to be announced.
At last year's festival, the film "A Fat Girl's Guide To
Yoga" captured top honors and a blind script commitment with
Universal Media Studios. Tajamika Paxton, former film executive at MTV
Films and Gregory M.T. Colleton, the writing/directing team created
the comical short about Wendy, an oversized African-American woman,
and her yoga journey to lose weight.
Further
information including a complete list of partners and prizes from our
2007 festival can be found at the Comedy Short Cuts Web site:
www.comedyshortcuts.net
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EIGHT
YEARS AFTER THE GROUNDBREAKING SERIES "HOPKINS 24/7," ABC
NEWS IS BACK WITH "HOPKINS," A FRESH AND GRIPPING LOOK
INSIDE ONE OF AMERICA'S TOP HOSPITALS
Tuesday,
June 10, 2008 Six-Part
Series Premieres Thursday June 26 at 10:00 p.m., ET Nearly eight years
after the critically acclaimed series, "Hopkins 24/7," ABC
News returns to Baltimore's Johns Hopkins Hospital for a new six-part
documentary entitled "Hopkins," which delves even deeper
into the world of caregivers at this hospital. "Hopkins"
offers a rare look at the impact this high pressure profession can
have on doctors' personal lives. For four months ABC News' high
definition cameras had unparalleled access to this legendary hospital
and to more than a hundred caregivers and patients who gave their
consent to be filmed. "Hopkins" captures astounding scenes
of medical crisis, with young doctors forced to make life and death
decisions on the fly. The result is a stunningly intimate portrait of
the men and women who call this hospital home. "Hopkins"
premieres THURSDAY, JUNE 26 (10:00-11:00 p.m., ET), and will continue
for five subsequent Thursdays through July on the ABC Television
Network.
Culled from nearly 1500 hours of footage, "Hopkins" contains
scenes that are remarkably raw and private. Viewers will watch as
doctors pose the wrenching question to the family of a nearly drowned
little girl about whether to disconnect life support, since her brain
function is minimal. They'll experience the tension when a young
surgical resident punctures a woman's lung during a routine procedure,
and will also learn about the unlikely journey of an illegal migrant
worker picking tomatoes in California who rises to become one of the
nation's top brain surgeons. "Hopkins" examines the
interplay between the public and private worlds of the men and women
who wear the white coats. A young cardiac surgeon and his wife allowed
ABC News' cameras to witness some of their most difficult and
sensitive moments as they confront a crisis in their marriage. There
are no narrators in "Hopkins"; the voices belong to the
patients and doctors. Interwoven storylines unfold in cinéma vérité
sequences.
Since "Hopkins 24/7" aired in 2000, there has been a
revolution within the culture of the hospital. During the first
series, the chief of surgery told ABC that women didn't have "the
stamina" for his field. Today women at Hopkins have breached the
walls of medicine's most macho preserve. The chief of surgery is
female, and roughly 20% of incoming surgical residents are female. And
even though residents' workloads have dropped by a third since ABC
News' last visit, in "Hopkins" young doctors are still
struggling to balance quality of life issues. Additionally, while
America's preeminence in medicine partly depends on a handful of
academic medical centers like Hopkins, the future is far from secure
for these great hospitals, which face budget cuts that jeopardize
their mission of training, research and innovation.
"Hopkins" is a revealing look at life inside the walls.
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ABC
ANNOUNCES "WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY" MOVIES WITH SPECIAL
HOSTS AND TRIBUTES ALL SUMMER LONG
Tuesday,
June 10, 2008 ABC
announces special guest hosts and tribute segments airing during
"The Wonderful World of Disney" movies on Saturday evenings
this summer. Disney favorites include "Monsters, Inc.,"
"The Haunted Mansion," "The Princess Diaries 2: The
Royal Engagement," "Freaky Friday," "Peter
Pan" and the Disney Channel Original Movie featuring Jonas
Brothers, "Camp Rock."
MONSTERS, INC. - SATURDAY, JUNE 14 (8:00-11:00 p.m., ET) -- John
Goodman (voice of Sulley, "Monsters, Inc.") is hosting the
evening with a celebration of Pixar, showing five Pixar animation
shorts along with all of the Pixar-themed attractions at the Disney
parks. The broadcast premiere of the Pixar animation shorts will
include the Academy Award-winning "For the Birds" and the
Academy Award-nominated shorts "Luxo Jr.,"
"Lifted," "Mike's New Car," as well as the Hugo
Award-nominated "Jack-Jack Attack."
CAMP ROCK - SATURDAY, JUNE 21 (8:00-11:00 p.m., ET) - Jonas Brothers
are hosting the evening with a special Cheetah Girls behind-the-scenes
segment and their "One World" music video, a sneak peek at
"High School Musical: Get in the Picture" and an exclusive
"Making of the Jonas Brothers Burnin' Up" segment, as well
as the premiere of the "Burnin' Up" music video from their
new album, "A Little Bit Longer."
THE HAUNTED MANSION - SATURDAY, JUNE 28 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) - Miley
Cyrus ("Hannah Montana") hosts a short segment featuring a
behind-the-scenes look at the making of her new music video for
"7 Things." Then Miley and music video director Brett Ratner
introduce the video.
THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2: THE ROYAL ENGAGEMENT - SATURDAY, JULY 12
(8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) - A short segment featuring the Walt Disney
classic, "Sleeping Beauty," and a behind-the-scenes look at
the film's restoration will be presented in coordination with the 50th
Anniversary 2-Disc Platinum Disney DVD & Blu-ray Disc™.
FREAKY FRIDAY - SATURDAY, JULY 19 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) -- Jamie Lee
Curtis (Tess Coleman, "Freaky Friday") will host the evening
and discuss her new film, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."
PETER PAN - SATURDAY, AUGUST 2 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) - Raven-Symoné
("That's So Raven" & "College Road Trip") is
hosting the evening, which features an exclusive sneak peek and a
behind-the-scenes look at the all-new original film "Tinker
Bell," releasing on Disney DVD & Blu-ray Disc(tm) this fall.
For the first time in history Tinker Bell will speak, and Raven-Symoné
fills the illuminating role of Iridessa, a light fairy.
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STARS
CONFIRMED TO ATTEND "THE 35th ANNUAL DAYTIME EMMY® AWARDS"
Tuesday,
June 10, 2008 Hosted
by Cameron Mathison ("All My Children," "Dancing with
the Stars") and Sherri Shepherd ("The View"). Confirmed
to attend: (subject to change): Bradford Anderson, Tyra Banks, Brandon
Barash, Texas Battle, Brandon Beemer, Julie Berman, Blake Berris,
Nadia Bjorlin, Nazanin Boniadi, Roscoe Born, Tamara Braun, Darin
Brooks, Sarah Brown, Dylan Bruce, Rebecca Budig, Tyler Christopher,
Bradley Cole, Crystal Chappell, Shawn Christian, Claire Coffee, Jason
Cook, Daniel Cosgrove, Ewa de Cruz, Bryan Dattilo, Doug Davidson,
Eileen Davidson, Trent Dawson, Ellen DeGeneres, Kassie DePaiva, Don
Diamont, Josh Duhon, Bobbie Eakes, Michael Easton, Sonya Eddy, Beth
Ehlers, Melissa Egan, Judi Evans, Mary Beth Evans, Farah Fath, Nicole
Forester, Jennifer Gareis, Anthony Geary, Ricky Paul Goldin, Nancy Lee
Grahn, Van Hansis, Judge Glenda Hatchett, Winsor Harmon, Susan
Haskell, Richard Hearst, Carolyn Hennesy, Shelley Hennig, Jon Hensley,
Rebecca Herbst, Drake Hogestyn, Finola Hughes, Thorsten Kaye, Kent
King, Kelley Menighan Hensley, Leann Hunley, John Ingle, Jay Johnson,
Ashley Jones, Lesli Kay, Jimmy Kimmel, Maeve Kinkead, Lauren Koslow,
Jennifer Landon, John-Paul Lavoisier, Jessica Leccia, Kyle Lowder and
Susan Lucci.
Also attending: Stephen Macht, Billy Magnussen, Cameron Mathison,
Peggy McCay, Kimberly McCullough, Rachel Melvin, Alicia Minshew, Debbi
Morgan, Robert Newman, Stephen Nichols, Minae Noji, Tom Pelphrey,
Thaao Penglis, Regis Philbin, Jon Prescott, Peter Reckell, Robin
Riker, Kristen Renton, Jim Reynolds, Sebastian Roche, Suzanne Rogers,
Marcy Rylan, Judge Judy Sheindlin, Marnie Schulenburg, Chauntee
Schuler, James Scott, Melody Thomas Scott, Sherri Shepherd, Jake
Silbermann, Tina Sloan, Cornelius Smith, Jesse Lee Soffer, Kirsten
Storms, Alison Sweeney, Heather Tom, Gina Tognoni, Aiden Turner, Jack
Wagner, Barbara Walters, Megan Ward, Maura West, Darnell Williams,
Montel Williams, Marie Wilson, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, Laura Wright,
John J. York, Judge David Young, Kim Zimmer, Arianne Zucker, among
others.
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"AFV'S"
TOP 10 PRACTICAL JOKES COUNTOWN, ON "AMERICA"S FUNNIEST HOME
VIDEOS"
Monday, June 09, 2008 The
best practical jokes in the history of the show, including the video
deemed the greatest gag ever in 18 years of primetime hilarity, are
featured in "AFV's" Top 10 Practical Joke Countdown. Clip
highlights include a man scared by Dracula jumping out of a coffin, a
man who dresses as the Grim Reaper to scare his mom, practical jokes
that backfire, fake lotto pranks, a dad who fools his son into
thinking he's slept through the night and that it's time for school,
and a guy who teases his terrified buddy with a large iguana, on
"America's Funniest Home Videos," SUNDAY, JUNE 29 (7:00-8:00
p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. (Rebroadcast. OAD 2/10/08).
Tom Bergeron is host.
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TAYLOR
SWIFT, KELLIE PICKLER AND JULIANNE HOUGH WILL HOST "CMA MUSIC
FESTIVAL: COUNTRY'S NIGHT TO ROCK" ON ABC
Friday,
June 06, 2008 It's a
raucous girls' night out when reigning CMA Horizon Award winner Taylor
Swift, former "American Idol" finalist Kellie Pickler and
"Dancing with the Stars" champion Julianne Hough host
"CMA Music Festival: Country's Night to Rock," MONDAY,
SEPTEMBER 8 (9:00-11:00 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network.
Filming June 5-8 during the annual CMA Music Festival, the special
features today's most exciting Country Music stars during a four-day
party and music celebration in Nashville. Some of the artists already
announced to appear at the nightly concerts include Trace Adkins,
Rodney Atkins, Billy Ray Cyrus, Faith Hill, Alan Jackson, Jewel,
Miranda Lambert, Kellie Pickler, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, Josh Turner,
Carrie Underwood, Dwight Yoakam, plus surprise appearances by Country
superstars - a hallmark of the Festival.
What a difference a year makes. Swift has gone from high school
student to bonafide Country superstar with a treasure trove of
accolades and awards, including the coveted 2007 CMA Horizon Award.
She is consistently ranked Country's No. 1 artist on MySpace and was
named Country Music's Hottest Female Artist of 2007 by AOL Music and
Best New Artist of 2007 by the editors of iTunes. Her self-titled Big
Machine debut has surpassed sales of three million copies, and this
summer she is on tour with CMA Vocal Group of the Year Rascal Flatts.
Undoubtedly one of the most popular finalists on "American
Idol," Pickler's legion of fans continues to grow. She just
released her new single, "Don't You Know You're Beautiful,"
from her forthcoming sophomore album, which will be available in late
summer. Her Gold certified debut album, "Small Town Girl,"
includes the hit singles "Red High Heels" and "I
Wonder," a song that moved many in the audience to tears when she
performed it in November on the 2007 CMA Awards.
Most people know Hough as winner of two consecutive seasons of ABC's
"Dancing with the Stars," but her passion is Country Music.
She recently released her self-titled debut on Mercury Nashville, and
her current single, "That Song in My Head," is climbing
Billboard's Hot Country Songs. She will be on tour throughout the
summer with Brad Paisley. Hough is no stranger to the Festival; she
made her first CMA Music Festival appearance in 2007, when she
introduced Big & Rich.
The annual event is unlike any other: four days, 30 hours of autograph
signings, 100 hours of live music, hundreds of artists and
celebrities, and a party list of thousands of avid, singing and
dancing-till-dawn fans. This is the fourth time ABC will broadcast
this special - which invites the whole country to America's biggest
Country Music bash. Originally started as Fan Fair(r) in 1972, last
year the event experienced its biggest attendance to date - 191,000.
In addition to exciting, never-before-televised music performances,
viewers will also enjoy the ultimate Country Music fan experience. In
segments shot exclusively for the special, the cameras will capture
behind-the-scenes moments between the artist and their fans and follow
the stories of several passionate Country Music enthusiasts.
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SUPERSTAR
BETTE MIDLER TO PERFORM AND CHAT ABOUT HER MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA,
"THE SHOWGIRL MUST GO ON," AS "THE VIEW"
BROADCASTS FROM LAS VEGAS, JUNE 23-27
Thursday,
June 05, 2008 2008
"American Idol" Winner David Cook and Runner-up David
Archuleta, Jessica Simpson, Rihanna, Wayne Brady, Heidi Montag and
"Entourage" stars Kevin Dillon, Jerry Ferrara and Debi Mazur
Are Also Featured Superstar Bette Midler (a.k.a. "The Divine Miss
M") is the featured guest on "The View from Las Vegas,"
Friday, June 27, as the popular talk show broadcasts from legendary
casino resort Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, NV, JUNE 23-27. The
legendary entertainer's Las Vegas extravaganza "The Showgirl Must
Go On" opened to rave reviews and sold-out audiences. Jimmy
Kimmel (host, ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live") will make his
first-ever appearance on "The View," live Monday, June 23.
"The View from Las Vegas" is sponsored by Walgreens. This is
the first time, while on location, that "The View" will
broadcast in HDTV.
Pop superstar Jessica Simpson, 2008 "American Idol" David
Cook and first-runner-up David Archuleta, legendary entertainer Bette
Midler (Caesars Palace's "The Showgirl Must Go On!"),
R&B star Rihanna, "Entourage" stars Kevin Dillon, Jerry
Ferrara and Debi Mazur, "Don't Forget the Lyrics" host Wayne
Brady ("Making %@it Up"), "The Hills" star Heidi
Montag, comedienne Rita Rudner, Las Vegas' "Entertainer of the
Year" Danny Gans and magician Lance Burton will also be featured.
Viewers will also be taken on a private tour of show moderator Whoopi
Goldberg's bus on June 24.
Scheduled guests for the week of JUNE 23-27 are as follows (subject to
change):
MONDAY, JUNE 23 - Jimmy Kimmel (ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live");
Kevin Dillon, Jerry Ferrara and Debi Mazur ("Entourage");
musical guest Rihanna.
TUESDAY, JUNE 24 - Music from recently crowned "American
Idol" David Cook and first-runner-up David Archuleta; Las Vegas'
"Entertainer of the Year"
singer/comedian/impressionist/actor Danny Gans; a tour of Whoopi
Goldberg's private bus.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25 - Pop star Jessica Simpson performs a tune from her
soon-to-be-released country music CD; comedienne Rita Rudner.
THURSDAY, JUNE 26 - "Don't Forget the Lyrics" host Wayne
Brady ("Making %@it Up"); "The Hills" star Heidi
Montag hosts a fashion show of her "Heidiwood" collection.
FRIDAY, JUNE 27 - Musical guest Bette Midler (Caesars Palace's
"The Showgirl Must Go On!"); magician Lance Burton.
AUDIENCE TICKETS
Information on audience tickets for the Caesars Palace tapings (June
23-25) can be obtained by logging on to abc.com/theview. Audience
members must be 18 years of age or older.
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MICHELLE
OBAMA, WIFE OF PRESUMPTIVE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE SENATOR
BARACK OBAMA (D-ILLINOIS), TO CO-HOST "THE VIEW," LIVE, JUNE
18 ON ABC
Wednesday,
June 04, 2008 Michelle
Obama, wife of presumptive 2008 Democratic Presidential nominee Barack
Obama (D-Illinois), is scheduled to co-host "The View,"
live, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18 on ABC (11:00 a.m.-12:00 noon, ET). This
appearance will be Mrs. Obama's first as both guest and co-host. Mrs.
Obama will be seated alongside all five co-hosts.
History was made Tuesday when Senator Obama became the first
African-American to earn a major party's nomination after he clinched
the Democratic presidential nomination by gaining enough convention
delegates.
Senator Obama made a second guest appearance on "The View"
on March 28, 2008, garnering both local and national news coverage.
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CBS
NEWS' "THE EARLY SHOW" ANNOUNCES 2008 SUMMER CONCERT SERIES
06.10.2008
Rockers, rappers, R&B sensations and country music artists will
perform on THE EARLY SHOW as part of the broadcast's summer concert
series. Additional concerts will be announced at a later date.
THE EARLY SHOW is broadcast weekdays (7:00-9:00 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS
Television Network. Zev Shalev is the executive producer.
Following
is a list of performances that will be broadcast live from THE EARLY
SHOW's plaza, studio or from remote locations in various cities.
Thursday,
June 12 - R&B singer Patti LaBelle (studio)
Friday,
June 13 - The cast of the Broadway musical Xanadu (plaza)
Monday,
June 16 - The cast of the Broadway musical In the Heights (studio)
Tuesday,
June 17 - Dan Zanes (studio)
Friday,
June 20 - Chicago (Chicago, Ill.)
Tuesday,
July 15 - R&B singer Donna Summer (studio)
Monday,
July 21 - John Mellencamp (Chicago, Ill.)
Tuesday,
July 22 - Singer and songwriter Sarah Bareilles (plaza)
Friday,
July 25 - Journey (San Antonio, Texas)
Wednesday,
July 30 - Country singer Toby Keith (studio)
Monday,
August 18 - Billy Bob Thornton & The Boxmasters (studio)
Following
is a list of performances that will be taped at 12:00 Noon, ET on THE
EARLY SHOW's plaza and broadcast at a later date:
Thursday,
June 12 - Country singer Trisha Yearwood
Friday,
June 13 - Singer Cyndi Lauper
Friday,
June 20 - R&B singer Rihanna
Monday,
July 28 - Rapper LL Cool J
Friday,
August 8 - Singer Celine Dion
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UPCOMING
GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS
TELEVISION NETWORK
Monday
through Friday, 11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT
(*Denotes
changes and/or additions to previous schedule)
*Thursday,
June 12
Actor Sir Ben Kingsley; comedian Artie Lange; musical guest Emmylou
Harris
Friday,
June 13
Actress/talk show host Whoopi Goldberg, host of CBS' broadcast of
"The 62nd Annual Tony Awards"; reality television star
Spencer Pratt; comedian Nick Griffin
Monday,
June 16
Actor Mike Myers; musical guest Adele
*Tuesday,
June 17
Actor Steve Carell; cycling legend Lance Armstrong; musical guest Dr.
John; musician Stevie Wonder sits in with Paul Shaffer and the CBS
Orchestra
Wednesday,
June 18
Musical guest Martha Wainwright
Thursday,
June 19
Actor Jason Bateman; musical guest Keyshia Cole
Friday,
June 20
Actor Denis Leary; actress Teri Garr; musical guests The Baseball
Project
Monday,
June 23
Actor Will Smith; musical guests Wild Sweet Orange
Tuesday,
June 24
Actress Charlize Theron; actor Richard Belzer; musical guests Motley
Crue.
Wednesday,
June 25
Actress Abigail Breslin; director Barry Sonnenfeld; musical guest Tift
Merritt
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UPCOMING
GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON" ON THE
CBS TELEVISION NETWORK
(Monday
through Friday, 12:37-1:37 AM, ET/PT,
Following
Broadcasts of the "Late Show with David Letterman")
(*Denotes
changes and/or additions to previous schedule)
Thursday,
June 12
Actress Jenna Fischer; Chef Wolfgang Puck
*Friday,
June 13
Actress Elizabeth Perkins; comedian Bengt Washburn; music
by Coolio
*Monday,
June 16
Actor Alfred Molina; writer Salman Rushdie
Tuesday,
June 17
Actress Virginia Madsen; author Darin Strauss; music by John Hiatt
*Wednesday,
June 18
Actor Don Cheadle; actress Olivia Thirlby; music by
Ricky Skaggs & the Kentucky Thunder
*Thursday,
June 19
Actor/musician Billy Bob Thornton; comedian Lewis Black; music by
Billy Bob Thornton & the Boxmasters
*Friday,
June 20
Actor Jeffrey Tambor
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LISTINGS
FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'
Published:
June 6, 2008
**= updated
**Thursday, June 12 – Show 2596 – Producer/ host Randy Jackson,
musical guest Forever The Sickest Kids
Friday, June 13 – Show 2597 – comedian Brian Scolaro
Monday, June 16 – Show 2598 – Chef Mario Batali, musical guest The
Lordz
Tuesday, June 17 – Show 2599 – TBA
Wednesday, June 18 – Show 2600 – Actor Mike Myers, actress Jordana
Spiro
Thursday, June 19 – Show 2601 – Actress Anne Hathaway, actor
Romany Malco, musical guest My Morning Jacket
**Friday, June 20 – Show 2602 – Actor Jason Bateman, actor Masi
Oka, musical guest Alejandro Escovedo
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LISTINGS
FOR 'LAST CALL WITH CARSON DALY'
Published:
June 9, 2008
(Mondays-Fridays, 1:35 a.m.-2:05 a.m. ET/PT, Immediately
following "Late Night with Conan O'Brien")
**DENOTES CHANGES IN LISTINGS
Thursday, June 12 — 914 Verne Troyer also featuring Chris Osgood and
Nicklas Lidstrom with musical guests P.O.D
Friday, June 13 — 900 John Cho / Dean Edwards with musical guests
Your Vegas
Monday, June 16 — 915 TBD
Tuesday, June 17 — 916 TBD
NOTE: Listings are subject to change.
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QUOTABLES
FROM NBC'S 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN' JUNE 2– JUNE 6
Published:
June 9, 2008
"Yesterday
in California, a huge fire broke out on the back lot of our parent
company NBC Universal. By the way, the fire is the first thing to
catch on at NBC in years."
"President Bush's former press secretary wrote a book. In his new
book, President Bush's former press secretary said that Bush has a
'lack of inquisitiveness.' When he heard this, Bush said, 'I don't
know what he's saying and I don't care.'"
"Speaking of President Bush. Yesterday during a speech, President
Bush said that his economic stimulus package is working because when
people use extra money to buy a machine that creates jobs at 'the
machine-making place.' Then Bush introduced his new speechwriter, a 6
year-old boy named 'Timmy.'"
"A group called 'The Fathers Day Council' is naming 'American
Idol' judge Randy Jackson 'Father of the Year.' Apparently Jackson got
the award for keeping his children away from Paula Abdul."
"The other day, Charlie Sheen got remarried. Sheen said, 'She's
the perfect woman for me, she hasn't read a newspaper in 15
years.'"
"It's been reported that a corporation called InBev wants to buy
the company that makes Budweiser for $50 billion. Apparently InBev
will wait in the parking lot while his older brother goes inside and
buys Budweiser for him."
"This weekend, a man in Australia was trying to go the bathroom
when a snake bit his penis. The man is in good condition, and the
snake has finally told his parents that he's gay."
"The Associated Press reported today that Barack Obama has won
enough delegates to clinch the Democratic Presidential nomination. As
a result, Hillary Clinton will concede some time in the next 30
years."
"A new article in Vanity Fair magazine hints that former
President Bill Clinton may have had an affair with actress Gina
Gershon. The Vanity Fair article also hints that John McCain may have
had an affair with Estelle Getty."
"The astronauts onboard the International Space Station may have
to return to Earth early - because the toilet is malfunctioning.
Because there are 2 things that should never ever go together - an
overflowing toilet and a zero-gravity environment."
"In Colorado, a man who robbed a Starbucks was arrested when he
came back 2 days later to buy coffee. The man said he came back to buy
coffee because it was Starbuck's turn to rob him."
"In New York City, Dunkin' Donuts is in trouble because it hasn't
posted its calorie information. Instead, Dunkin' Donuts put up a sign
that says: 'Everything here makes you fat.'"
"In Oregon, a blind man climbed 11,000-foot Mount Hood. When told
he was on the top of Mount Hood, the blind man said, 'I am? I'm going
to kill that dog.'"
"In Australia, doctors at an emergency room recently had to
remove 16 bolts that were attached to a man's penis. The man says he's
glad they removed the bolts, but he wants his nuts back."
"Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are
going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the
71-year-old John McCain. In other words, it's a choice between: The
Hillary Defeater or the Wal Mart Greeter."
"There's been a lot of speculation about John McCain's possible
running mate, experts say he wants somebody who's not afraid to attack
Barack Obama. Which explains why McCain has decided to pick Hillary
Clinton."
"In California, a high school student who's an illegal immigrant
is about to be deported but since he's the school's valedictorian he's
asking President Bush to help. Bush told the valedictorian,
"Don't worry, I'll never let them send you back to Valedictoria.""
"Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan has written a
tell-all book – and it's full of inside information about how the
public was mislead prior to the invasion of Iraq. The title of the
book: "Stuff That Would Have Been Really Helpful 5 Years
Ago.""
"Actress Gina Gershon is denying reports that she had a sexual
relationship with former President Bill Clinton. When Bill Clinton was
asked to comment he said, "Give it time.""
"This week, a new reality show debuted about middle-aged women
who are trying to become models. It's the perfect show for anyone who
likes models – but wishes they weren't so young and hot."
"Tiger Woods has caused a controversy because he said,
"Nobody watches hockey any more." Woods added,
"American's want the fast-paced adrenaline rush you can only get
from watching golf.""
"Today is Angelina Jolie's 33rd birthday. This morning Brad
surprised Angelina by giving her a box of chocolates and a dozen third
world children."
"Ed McMahon's is behind on his mortgage payments so his bank is
threatening to foreclose. In fact today he received a letter from his
bank that said, "Congratulations, you may already be
homeless.""
"Clay Aiken announced that he is going to be a father by
artificially inseminating a woman. Aiken assured his fans, "don't
worry, we won't be doing it the icky way.""
"Barack Obama clinched the Democratic presidential nomination
this week and it's been reported that Hillary Clinton is going to
concede on Saturday. That's Saturday, December 15th, 2017."
"Hillary Clinton announced the news to her supporters that she's
going to concede by sending them an e-mail at 2 in the morning.
Hillary's supporters were shocked because usually the only person on
the Internet at two a.m. is Bill Clinton."
"Yesterday on the campaign trail, John McCain said that he's in
favor of change. McCain said, "For example, I just switched from
Cialis to Viagra.""
"This week, the man who invented the Pringles can passed away –
and per his wishes, he was cremated and his ashes were buried in a
Pringles can. That's true. Believe me, it went a lot better than the
funeral for the guy who invented the Pez dispenser."
"A nightclub in Las Vegas is honoring Kevin Federline by naming
him Father of the Year. It was a tight race – the runner up was that
dad in Austria who kept his kids in the basement."
"K-Mart has started selling sweatpants that promote chastity that
have the words "True Love Waits" written on them. The real
reason they work is because no one wants to have sex with anyone who
wears sweatpants from K-Mart."
"Scientists say they've found a new link between depression and
obesity. Not surprisingly it's a sausage link."
"Police in San Diego say that a surfer turned in 70 pounds of
marijuana that he found on a beach. When asked why he turned in 70
pounds of marijuana the surfer said, "because I found 200 pounds
of marijuana.""
"Today saxophonist Kenny G turned 52 years old. You can tell that
Kenny G's getting old because he's starting to enjoy his own
music."
"Political experts say now that Barack Obama has won the
Democratic nomination he's doing everything he can at this moment to
win over Hillary Clinton's supporters. I personally think he may be
taking things a bit far though, take a look at this picture from this
afternoon."
"An article in USA Today reports that Barack Obama and John
McCain have two very different visions of the world. The biggest
difference is that John McCain's vision makes it impossible for him to
drive at night."
"Political experts say that Barack Obama is hesitant to name
Hillary Clinton as his running mate – because he's not sure what
role Bill Clinton would want to play. Bill says he's comfortable
playing many roles – like "boss interviewing secretary" or
"pizza guy surprising house-wife."
"A high school in Ohio passed out over 300 diplomas last week and
on the diploma the word "education" was spelled wrong.
Officials say the misprint should not harm the reputation of George W.
Bush High School."
"This weekend there's supposed a heat wave in New Jersey, with
temperatures over 100 degrees. New Jersey is expected to be sweaty and
smelly, and then there'll be a heat wave."
"Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins, and she says wants to
have a natural birth. Of course, for Angelina Jolie, a natural birth
means that the babies will be flown in from Uganda."
"An Israeli rabbi ruled this week that giraffe meat and giraffe
milk are kosher. This is great news for anyone catering a bar mitzvah
in Kenya."
"A new study says the erectile dysfunction drug Levitra can cause
temporary amnesia. As a result, thousands of men have been heard
saying, "Hey what I am supposed to do with this?""
"Today is National Doughnut Day and Krispy Kreme celebrated by
giving every customer one free doughnut. Which explains why Kirstie
Alley left the house with a bag of disguises."
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OPENING
REMARKS FROM THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS
TELEVISION NETWORK
(Monday,
June 2-Friday, June 6)
"Beautiful
weather - you know, and I hate to brag about stuff, but here in New
York City, beautiful weather today in New York. It's 78 and
sunny - just like Hillary Clinton."
"Let's
talk about the Presidential Democratic primary, Presidential race -
exciting, isn't it? It was exciting for about a week, and now it
goes on and on, and over the weekend - I guess you know this - Hillary
Clinton won the Puerto Rican primary. Yeah, and you know what
that means? Now she's president of Puerto Rico."
"Hillary
now says that she's winning the popular vote, and Al Gore says, 'Yeah,
well, a lot of good that does.'"
"Sad
news from the world of fashion: designer Yves St. Laurent passed
away. Were you aware of that? Yep, and today Hillary
Clinton, out of respect, wore her pantsuit at half-mast."
"Hey,
you know what? The Presidential Democratic Campaign primary -
that all may be over. Boy, that snapped right by in a hurry,
didn't it? It seems like only yesterday, it was 1952. So,
yeah, Hillary may be dropping out of the campaign. And the
campaign is broke, don't kid yourselves. They've spent a lot of
money there - so broke, today Hillary was wearing a certified
pre-owned pantsuit...Campaign is so broke that a collection agency
repo-ed all her pantsuits."
"Hillary
is desperate to raise money. Today, she entered a wet pantsuit
contest."
"But
Hillary is nothing if not an optimist. She sees that the
pantsuit is half full."
"And
you know, when Hillary was campaigning in Puerto Rico, she was wearing
a skimpy two-piece pantsuit."
"When
Hillary was campaigning in Wisconsin, she was wearing a cheese
pantsuit."
"When
Hillary was campaigning in Texas, she was wearing a pantsuit with
chaps."
"When
Hillary was campaigning in Florida, it was so hot, she was wearing her
pantsuit without the pants."
"Well,
ladies and gentlemen, the Democratic Primary is over. Who wants
to tell Hillary? Yep, Hilary lost, and she said today,
'I'm not going anywhere, I've already purchased my inaugural
pantsuit.'"
"Hillary
is taking it pretty well, I think. She actually said she's
looking forward now to spending more time with Chelsea, Bill and Gina
Gershon."
"But,
you know, people are now talking about the ticket, Barack Obama and
Hillary Clinton. Would that be a good ticket? Would you
folks like that ticket? And I think this would be the first, if
you think about it, first combination of an African-American man and a
white woman since, well, Michael Jackson."
"Hillary
Clinton, you know, has announced that she will be ending, officially
ending her campaign on Saturday. Officially ending her campaign
on Saturday - she's going to wait until Saturday because tomorrow is
the Honduras primary."
"But
I'm beginning to wonder if maybe Hillary doesn't get it. I'm
thinking, 'Hmm, is it possible that she doesn't get it?' She's
now saying that she still has a shot at the Republican
nomination."
"But,
you know, I think about it: in the larger sense - and that's
really the way you got to think about things these days - I mean,
Hillary Clinton ending her campaign, and jeez, it just seems like it
started. But, really, in the bigger sense, it really is kind of
- it's sad because there goes, think about it, there goes right down
the drain, there goes the Clinton dream of being a two-impeachment
family."
"How
about this? Our vice president, our old friend Dick Cheney got
into some trouble, made a joke. Did you hear about this?
Made a joke about West Virginia, but he apologized. He did
apologize for the joke he made about West Virginia - nothing yet on
the Iraqi War."
"What
a day here in New York City - the weather, it's 71 and hazy, kind of
like John McCain."
"Thank
God, thank God it's over - are you with me on this, the Democratic
Presidential primary? I mean, the thing started - I mean, a long
- Nixon was president when the - well, it's all over now. And
all of the candidates - and, by the way, God bless them - all the
candidates are taking the weekend off. For example, John McCain
- do you folks like John McCain? Okay, who would you vote for if
the election was tomorrow? Barack Obama? Applaud if you
would...How about John McCain? Would you vote for John?
Well, anyway, all of the candidates are taking the weekend off.
For example, John McCain will be resting at his ranch, 'The Rio
Magnesia.' He'll be resting at this ranch, 'The Rancho Mylanta.'
He'll be on his ranch, 'The Double-A R.P.' John McCain will be
relaxing at his ranch, 'The Lazy Colon.'"
"Hey,
are you folks like me? Do you like drama in outer space?
Well, maybe you know about this - the International Space Station, and
there's Russian Cosmonauts up there right now, and for the last month,
the toilet has been busted. Yeah, you're laughing now, and just
about now, people down in Houston are on the horn, talking to the
Space Station saying, 'Did you jiggle the handle? Try jiggling the
handle'...But don't worry about this: Halliburton is sending up
a $2 billion plunger."
"You
know, you folks remember a guy named Al Gore, who was vice president
with Bubba? He was Bubba's buddy for like two terms. And
he went out and he had this lecture and it became a book, and then it
was a movie. He won the Nobel Prize, he won an Academy Award.
It's called 'An Inconvenient Truth,' it's about climate change.
You're familiar with it. Well, you're not going to believe this
- they're turning it - a bunch of people in Italy got a hold of this
thing, and they're turning it into an opera. That's right,
turning it into an opera. I mean, when you saw it, didn't you
say to yourself, 'Wow, if this only had some songs'...I mean, honest
to God, cut me a slice of that, will you, let's go. But here, now,
listen to some of the great songs in the Al Gore 'Inconvenient Truth'
opera: 'You Make Me Feel So Hot,' that's one; 'Come Fry with
Me"; 'Call Me Biodegradable.'"
"Listen
to this - you know, Al Gore, who for a while was Vice President, he
was Bubba's guy. And he had that book and the film, 'An Inconvenient
Truth,' you know, about climate change, 'Inconvenient Truth.'
Listen to this: they're turning that 'Inconvenient Truth' into
an opera. Al Gore and opera - are you kidding? Cut me a
slice of that...But they had some trouble and they've postponed the
opening of that opera. Apparently, the composer is having
trouble finding a rhyme for 'low emission hybrid.'"
"How
many folks have been to St. Patrick's Cathedral? Landmark here
in - beautiful, and I didn't realize this - the Cathedral is 150 years
old. One hundred fifty years old, and now they're giving it a
facelift. They're coming in, and they're going to clean the façade.
They power wash, then they sandblast it, and it's a tremendous amount
of work. Well, you know what it is? It's the same team
that gets Regis ready for the 'Password' show."
"Anybody
see the - talking about the new Regis Philbin 'Password' show, anybody
see it on Sunday night right here on CBS? Yeah, I'm not sure
that would hold up in court. It's 'Million Dollar Password,' and
the winner gets to choose between a million dollars or a tank of
gas."
"Hey,
here's something: you know the number one movie in the country,
'Sex and the City' - how about that? It was $55 million at the
box office, and what a tremendous audience. Here's how it breaks
down. Here are the people that went to see 'Sex and the City'
over the weekend: five million women, five million women, yeah,
and one male flight attendant named Gary."
"Can
we agree on one thing? What a beautiful day it is today in New
York City. It's very exciting because you can tell it's summer.
You can tell it's summer because listen to what happened:
earlier today at the beach, that thing on Donald Trump's head?
Well, it chased a tennis ball into the surf."
"Celebrity
birthdays - happy birthday to Superman, ladies and gentlemen,
Superman, yep, 70 years old. Superman, 70 years old, and he now
lives quietly in Palm Springs with his longtime companion, Iron
Man."
"Listen
to this: Superman is 70 years old. He is so old, Superman,
that he no longer uses his X-ray vision on chicks - he uses it on his
colon."
"You
folks - anybody here from Idaho?...Well, you remember Senator Larry
Craig? Everybody remember Senator Larry Craig? He's - you
know, he's written his memoir. Yep, and guess what? He's
having a book signing at the Barnes & Noble men's room.
"Well,
here's news of New York City, and when you think about it, New York
City is just a big small town, and everybody kind of knows everybody
else's business. We got some good news earlier today. Tom
Cruise - you know Tom Cruise? Moving to New York City - so you
know what that means? That Mayor Bloomberg will no longer be the
shortest guy in town."
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******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Signs Your Weathercaster Is Nuts"
[As
presented on the Tuesday, June 10 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with
DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on
the CBS Television Network.]
10.
Urges people to drink plenty of sunscreen.
9.
Only shows clouds that look like Jessica Alba.
8.
Can't stop eating them contaminated tomatoes.
7.
He's curled up on the floor meowing like a kitty.
6.
Changes 3 H's from "hazy, hot and humid" to "hookers,
hookers, hookers."
5.
Says the heat wave will continue until the government gives him $10
million and a helicopter to Mexico.
4.
Tells viewers the storm left town faster than his slutty ex-wife.
3.
His predictions are about as reliable as George W. Bush. (OMG,
did you hear what Letterman said?!?!?!?)
2.
Keeps cool by doing tequila shots off the sports guy's stomach.
1.
Reads forecast with his Doppler hanging out.
(Back
To Top)
******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Answers to the Question 'How Hot Is It?'"
[As
presented on the Monday, June 9 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID
LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS
Television Network.]
10.
"It's so hot, the Statue of Liberty is holding a Jamba
Juice."
9.
"It's so hot, President Bush fanned himself with unread
intelligence memos."
8.
"It's so hot, Scott McClellan has written a scathing book
criticizing the sun."
7.
"It's so hot, Exxon is charging $4 a gallon for ice."
6.
"It's so hot, Iron Man's suit left grill marks on his ass."
5
"It's so hot, instead of being stuck on the runway, jetBlue
flights were stuck to the runway." (It could happen,
people!)
4.
"It's so hot, Hillary Clinton announced she's running for
president of Antarctica."
3.
No number 3 - writer passed out from heat exhaustion.
2.
"It's so hot, guys are climbing the New York Times building just
for the breeze."
1.
"It's so hot, those sluts from 'Sex and the City' are sleeping
with Ben & Jerry."
(Back
To Top)
******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Signs Your Neighbor Is an Alien"
[As
presented on the Friday, June 6 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID
LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS
Television Network.]
10.
Eats Domino's delivery guy and tips the pizza.
9.
Complains about the rising cost of filling his flying saucer with
dilithium crystals.
8.
Uses two hands to mow the lawn, and the other two hands to wash the
car - boing!
7.
You say, "Morning, Bill!" He says, "Morning puny
little earth man."
6.
He has never seen an episode of "Sex and the City," hello?
What planet are you from?
5.
In the class photo, his kids are the ones with the tentacles.
4.
When a rerun of "Mork & Mindy" is on, he sneers, 'That
guy's not from Ork."
3.
Says, "We had a great weekend on Venus - I mean, Vegas."
2.
He drives a 2011 Toyota Corolla.
1.
He's bald, gray and creepy, but he's not Dick Cheney.
(Back
To Top)
******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Questions on the Barack Obama Running Mate
Applications"
[As
presented on the Thursday, June 5 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with
DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on
the CBS Television Network.]
10.
"How much experience do you have doing nothing?"
9.
"Do you have any crazy clergymen we should know about?"
8.
"Will you help your oil company buddies achieve record profits by
screwing consumers?"
7.
"How many friends do you have on Facebook?"
6.
"Can your charisma and vitality match the high standard set by
Dick Cheney?"
5.
"Why the hell was Billy Crystal on Letterman talking about
‘Soap the Complete Series' now available on DVD?"
4.
"Do you think the Yankees should move Joba back to the
bullpen?"
3.
"Any idea what happened on the season finale of ‘Lost'?"
2.
"Ever slept with Barbara Walters?
1.
"By any chance do you know where Osama Bin Laden is?"
(Back
To Top)
******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Messages
Left on Barack Obama's Answering Machine"
[As
presented on the Wednesday, June 4 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with
DAVID LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on
the CBS Television Network.]
10.
"Hi, it's Eliot Spitzer - let's get some girls and
celebrate!"
9.
"John McCain here, I...uh, crap, I forgot why I called."
8.
"Hi, this is Al Gore. Don't make the same mistake I did and
win the popular vote."
7.
"It's John McCain again. What is this some kind of machine
that answers the phone?"
6.
"This is John Kerry; are you interested in a subscription to
Sports Illustrated?"
5.
"You've just made a powerful enemy of the Pantsuit Manufacturers
of America."
4.
"Hi, it's Randy Jackson. Your last speech? A little
pitchy, dawg."
3.
No number 3 - writer stuck on plane with Scott McClellan.
2.
"Hillary calling; I'm still prepared to offer you the Vice
President position."
1.
"Oprah here; I helped you get the nomination now will you help me
get rid of Dr. Phil?"
(Back
To Top)
******************************************************************
From
the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska... THE "LATE SHOW" TOP
TEN "Things
Overheard at Hillary Clinton Campaign Headquarters"
[As
presented on the Tuesday, June 3 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID
LETTERMAN, seen weeknights (11:35 PM‑12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS
Television Network.]
10.
"Wow, I can't believe the campaign's over already."
9.
"Hillary's changing into her concession pantsuit."
8.
"This is more depressing than a Mets game" - he did not say
that!
7.
"So they're nominating the guy with the most delegates,
superdelegates, and states won? Outrageous!"
6.
"Did you hear? They melted on Letterman."
5.
"Help us, Iron Man!"
4.
"The Senator is in intense negotiations with Jim Beam."
3.
"There's a guy here to repossess the watercooler."
2.
"It's not the end - you can always get fat and make a global
warming documentary."
1.
"Is Obama still hiring?"
(Back
To Top)
