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Headlines & Links For Thursday, June 18th, 2009.

FOX ANNOUNCES FALL PREMIERE DATES FOR THE 2009-2010 SEASON (Read More)

FIRST TWO COUPLES ON ABC'S "MARRY ME MONDAY" (Read More)

ROB THOMAS, JEWEL, KAREN OLIVO AND THE CAST OF BROADWAY'S 'WEST SIDE STORY' TO SERVE AS MUSICAL GUESTS ON NBC'S 'MACY'S 4TH OF JULY FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR       (Read More)

GRAB YOUR SURFBOARDS AND CATCH THE FIRST WAVE OF “TEEN CHOICE 2009” NOMINEES       (Read More)

MUSIC LEGEND LIONEL RICHIE TO PERFORM ON ABC DAYTIME'S "ONE LIFE TO LIVE"       (Read More)

ABC DAYTIME UNVEILS NEW "VIEW" ONLINE ABC.COM HOLDS 8 OF TOP 10 SERIES VIEWED ONLINE IN MAY       (Read More)

ABC.COM HOLDS 8 OF TOP 10 SERIES VIEWED ONLINE IN MAY       (Read More)

CBS ORDERS THREE MORE EDITIONS OF "I GET THAT A LOT" FOR BROADCAST NEXT SEASON       (Read More)

CBS NEWS UNVEILS THE NEXT GENERATION OF CBSNEWS.COM       (Read More)

"THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O'BRIEN" LISTINGS       (Read More)

UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN"       (Read More)

ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE       (Read More)

LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON'       (Read More)

UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON"       (Read More)

LISTINGS FOR 'LAST CALL WITH CARSON DALY'       (Read More)

QUOTABLES FROM 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON' June 8 – June 12       (Read More)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Things Overheard at the "Fire David Letterman' Rally"       (Read More)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Messages on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Answering Machine"       (Read More)

FOX ANNOUNCES FALL PREMIERE DATES FOR THE 2009-2010 SEASON

Los Angeles, Ca., June 15th, 2009.          FOX has set the fall premiere dates for its new and returning series. The 2009-2010 season will kick off Wednesday, Sept. 16 with the sixth season premiere of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT), followed by the highly anticipated series premiere of GLEE (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT), the biting new comedy for the underdog in all of us that features a soundtrack of hit songs from past and present. On Thursday, Sept. 17, fan favorite BONES (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) and the second thrilling season of FRINGE (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) return. BROTHERS, the new family comedy starring Michael Strahan, premieres Friday, Sept. 18 (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT) followed by the return of ‘TIL DEATH (8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT) and the second season premiere of Joss Whedon’s DOLLHOUSE (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT).

HOUSE jumpstarts its sixth season with a special two-hour premiere Monday, Sept. 21 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT). Sunday, Sept. 27 marks the return of ANIMATION DOMINATION with the amazing 20th season premiere of THE SIMPSONS (8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT), the series premiere of THE CLEVELAND SHOW (8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT) and the season premieres of FAMILY GUY (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT) and AMERICAN DAD (9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT). The second season of hit drama LIE TO ME will premiere Monday, Sept. 28 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT). SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE will air two nights per week when the original dance competition has its time period premiere Tuesday, Sept. 29 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT), and later expands to two-hour performance shows beginning Tuesday, Oct. 27 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT). In addition, new Saturday late-night entry THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (working title) debuts Saturday, Nov. 7 (11:00 PM-Midnight ET/PT).

Premieres of new series and returning favorites are listed below in chronological order.

Saturday, Sept. 12

8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT            COPS (Season Premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT             COPS (All-New Episode)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            AMERICA’S MOST WANTED (Season Premiere)

Wednesday, Sept. 16

8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT            SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (Season Premiere)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            GLEE (Series Premiere)

Thursday, Sept. 17

8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT            BONES (Season Premiere)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            FRINGE (Season Premiere)

Friday, Sept. 18

8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT            BROTHERS (Series Premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT            ‘TIL DEATH (Season Premiere)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            DOLLHOUSE (Season Premiere)

Monday, Sept. 21

8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            HOUSE (2-Hour Season Premiere)

Sunday, Sept. 27

8:00-8:30 PM ET/PT            THE SIMPSONS (Season Premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM ET/PT            THE CLEVELAND SHOW (Series Premiere)

9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT            FAMILY GUY (Season Premiere)

9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT            AMERICAN DAD (Season Premiere)

Monday, Sept. 28

8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT            HOUSE (All-New Episode)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            LIE TO ME (Season Premiere)

Tuesday, Sept. 29

8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT            HELL’S KITCHEN (All-New Episode)

9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (Time Period Premiere)

Tuesday, Oct. 27

8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT            SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (Time Period Premiere)

Saturday, Nov. 7

11:00 PM-Midnight ET/PT            THE WANDA SYKES SHOW (wt) (Series Premiere)

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FIRST TWO COUPLES ON ABC'S "MARRY ME MONDAY"

New York, N.Y., June 16th, 2009.               During the last episode of "The Bachelorette," ABC viewers got an extra dose of romance when "Marry Me Monday" presented two men who each popped the question -- 'will you marry me?' -- to their loved ones on national TV. People who missed the surprise marriage proposals can go to ABC.com and visit "The Bachelorette" page to watch each proposal and find out what the ladies' answers were. "The Bachelorette" collaborated with the upcoming romantic comedy, "The Proposal" (in theaters June 19), to bring audiences "Marry Me Monday," where two people propose to their loved one in a creative and original way. Their own individual styles parallel the scene in the film, in which Sandra Bullock's character takes the hand of her assistant (Ryan Reynolds) and drops to her knees on a busy New York City sidewalk to pop the question.

The two couples who participated in "Marry Me Monday!" were Kenneth Burr & Jennifer Lynam from Thorofare, New Jersey, who have been dating for a year, and RJ Turpyn & Megan Donner from Rochester, New York, who will have been dating for two years this coming August.

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ROB THOMAS, JEWEL, KAREN OLIVO AND THE CAST OF BROADWAY'S 'WEST SIDE STORY' TO SERVE AS MUSICAL GUESTS ON NBC'S 'MACY'S 4TH OF JULY FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR

New York, N.Y. June 11th, 2009.               NBC celebrates the nation's 233rd birthday extravaganza with performances by three time Grammy Award winning singer/songwriter Rob Thomas, Multi-Platinum Singer-Songwriter Jewel and Tony Award winner Karen Olivo and the cast of Broadway's "West Side Story" on the live broadcast of the "Macy's 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular ®." Hosted by Natalie Morales, NBC's "Today" National Correspondent and Tiki Barber, "Today" Correspondent and "Football Night in America" Studio Analyst, the show will air in high definition on Saturday, July 4th, 9-10 p.m. EST (all time zones).

Rob Thomas is one of the most accomplished singer/songwriter of his generation with contributions to more than 80 million albums sold worldwide. His new album "cradlesong", which features the hit single "Her Diamonds" is due out June 30 . "cradlesong" is the highly anticipated follow-up to the multiplatinum solo debut "…Something To Be," which made history as the first album by a male artist from a rock or pop group to debut at No. 1 on The Billboard 200 since the chart was launched 50 years earlier. The album also earned a pair of Grammy nominations and spawned a string of hit singles, including the smash "Lonely No More" – which was #1 in 15 countries. For well over a decade, Thomas has maintained his stature as one of modern music's most compelling and commercially successful artists. Thomas' accomplishments also include lead singer with alternative rock group Matchbox 20 and various collaborations with iconic artists such as Mick Jagger, Willie Nelson and Santana. In 1999, his smash collaboration with Santana, the Thomas-penned "Smooth," earned Rob three Grammy Awards and today ranks #1 on Billboard's "Top Hot 100 Rock Songs" chart and #2 on the magazine's "Hot 100 All-Time Top Songs."

Growing up on a remote ranch in Alaska, Jewel endured poverty and teen homelessness on the road to the triumph of international stardom. The three-time Grammy nominee has enjoyed career longevity rare among her generation of artists and has sold twenty-seven million albums worldwide. Her debut album "Pieces of You," became one of the best selling debut albums of all time. Last year, she released her first country record, "Perfectly Clear," which debuted at #1 on the Billboard Top Country Albums chart. She will soon embark on a summer tour in support of her recent independent release, "Lullaby." In addition, Jewel continues her philanthropic outreach with Project Clean Water, a foundation she launched in 1997. Jewel lives on a working ranch in Stephenville, Texas with her husband, World Champion bull-riding superstar Ty Murray.

"West Side Story," nominated for multiple 2009 Tony Awards including Best Revival of a Musical, is Broadway's #1 box office hit of the 2009 Broadway season, is one of the biggest and most dynamic shows to hit Broadway this season. "West Side Story" originally premiered on Broadway in 1957, and has subsequently spawned film and multiple stage versions. This retelling of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet takes place in New York and tells the story of the hardships two lovers had to overcome because of their ethnic backgrounds. With memorable songs such as "Tonight," "America," and "Somewhere," "West Side Story" is easily one of the most beloved and recognized love stories of all time. "West Side Story's" astonishing cast adds to the dynamic performance: "Riff" is played by Bravo's "Step It Up and Dance" winner Cody Green, "Anita" is played by 2009 Tony Award winner Karen Olivio, and Tony Award nominee Josefina Scaglione and "Grey Gardens'" Matt Cavenaugh play the star-crossed lovers, Maria and Tony. This rendition of "West Side Story" is an updated and more modern version of the original, and continues to remind audiences of why they fell in love with the story in the first place.

For the first time since 2000, Macy's Fireworks, the country's largest Fourth of July fireworks extravaganza, will return to the Hudson River to honor the country's independence and to kick off the 400th anniversary of the exploration of the Hudson River by Henry Hudson on his ship, The Half Moon. American River, the theme of the 33rd annual Macy's Fireworks will give more than two million spectators and millions of viewers nationwide, America's most spectacular showcase of brilliant colors, jaw-dropping effects and thunderous sound.

This year's fireworks spectacular will feature more than 40,000 brilliant shells exploding over New York City at a rate of more than 1,500 shells per minute (eight times more high-level fireworks than last year's show), creating a beautiful display of colors. This amazing display, designed in collaboration with Sousa fireworks, will be set off from six barges positioned between 24th and 50th Streets on the Hudson River, giving New Yorkers a stunning front row seat to America's biggest Independence Day party. With six barges lined up end-to-end on the river, this year's show will mark Macy's longest continuous show ever. From the West Side Highway to any point in New York City with a view of the sky over the Hudson River, Macy's Fireworks are sure to thrill and amaze.

"The Hudson River is where Macy's 4th of July Fireworks was born," says Robin Hall, executive producer, Macy's Fireworks, "and we're excited to return this year to be part of New York City's larger celebration of the 400th Anniversary of Henry Hudson's voyage of discovery aboard the Dutch vessel, The Half Moon."

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GRAB YOUR SURFBOARDS AND CATCH THE FIRST WAVE OF “TEEN CHOICE 2009” NOMINEES

TEEN CHOICE 2009 will celebrate the hottest teen icons in film, television, music, sports and fashion in the choicest, star-studded two-hour event airing Monday, Aug. 10 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.

Starting today, fans ages 13-19 can vote once each day for their favorite TEEN CHOICE 2009 nominees at www.teenchoiceawards.com. Winners of the coveted Surfboard awards will be announced during the coolest coast-to-coast celebration broadcast from the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City, CA. Additional nominees, musical guests, attendees and presenters to be announced.

TEEN CHOICE 2009 is executive-produced by Bob Bain (“Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards”) and Michael Burg. Paul Flattery serves as producer, Kelly Brock is co-producer and Greg Sills serves as supervising producer.

Following is the list of categories and nominees for Wave One of TEEN CHOICE 2009:

MOVIES

Choice Movie: Action Adventure

“Fast & Furious”

“Star Trek”

“Taken”

“Terminator Salvation”

“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Choice Movie: Drama

“Angels & Demons”

“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

“Obsessed”

“Slumdog Millionaire”

“Twilight”

Choice Movie: Romance

“Australia”

“Confessions of a Shopaholic”

“He’s Just Not That Into You”

“The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2”

“Twilight”

Choice Movie: Bromantic Comedy

“I Love You, Man”

“Marley & Me”

“Pineapple Express”

“Role Models”

“Tropic Thunder”

Choice Movie: Comedy

“The Hangover”

“Land of the Lost”

“Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian”

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop”

“Yes Man”

Choice Movie: Horror/Thriller

“Drag Me to Hell”

“Friday the 13th”

“The Haunting of Molly Hartley”

“Quarantine”

“The Uninvited”

Choice Movie: Music/Dance

“Hannah Montana: The Movie”

“High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

“Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience”

“Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist”

“Steppin: The Movie”

Choice Movie Actor: Drama

Hugh Jackman, “Australia”

Dev Patel, “Slumdog Millionaire”

Robert Pattinson, “Twilight”

Brad Pitt, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

Channing Tatum, “Fighting”

Choice Movie Actress: Drama

Angelina Jolie, “Changeling”

Nicole Kidman, “Australia”

Beyoncé Knowles, “Obsessed”

Freida Pinto, “Slumdog Millionaire”

Kristen Stewart, “Twilight”

Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure

Christian Bale, “Terminator Salvation”

Hugh Jackman, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Dwayne Johnson, “Race to Witch Mountain”

Shia LaBeouf, “Eagle Eye”

Paul Walker, “Fast & Furious”

Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure

Malin Akerman, “Watchmen”

Jordana Brewster, “Fast & Furious”

Bryce Dallas Howard, “Terminator Salvation”

Mila Kunis, “Max Payne”

Zoe Saldana, “Star Trek”

Choice Movie Actor: Comedy

Jim Carrey, “Yes Man”

Zac Efron, “17 Again”

Will Ferrell, “Land of the Lost”

Seth Rogen, “Observe & Report” / “Pineapple Express”

Ben Stiller, “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian” / “Tropic Thunder”

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy

Amy Adams, “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian”

Jennifer Aniston, “Marley & Me” / “He’s Just Not That Into You”

Isla Fisher, “Confessions of a Shopaholic”

Anne Hathaway, “Bride Wars”

Kate Hudson, “Bride Wars”

Choice Movie Actress: Music/Dance

Miley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Kat Dennings, “Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist”

Vanessa Hudgens, “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Amy Smart, “Love N’ Dancing”

Ashley Tisdale, “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Choice Movie Actor: Music/Dance

Corbin Bleu, “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Michael Cera, “Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist”

Jason Earles, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Zac Efron, “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Lucas Till, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Choice Movie: Villain

Hank Azaria, “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian”

Eric Bana, “Star Trek”

Cam Gigandet, “Twilight”

Ken Jeong, “The Hangover”

Liev Schreiber, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Choice Movie: Fresh Face Female

Lynn Collins, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Ashley Greene, “Twilight”

Emily Osment, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Freida Pinto, “Slumdog Millionaire”

Nikki Reed, “Twilight”

Choice Movie: Fresh Face Male

Taylor Kitsch, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Taylor Lautner, “Twilight”

Dev Patel, “Slumdog Millionaire”

Chris Pine, “Star Trek”

Sam Worthington, “Terminator Salvation”



Choice Movie: Liplock

Miley Cyrus and Lucas Till, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Freida Pinto and Dev Patel, “Slumdog Millionaire”

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, “Twilight”

Owen Wilson and Marley, “Marley & Me”

Choice Movie: Rumble

Anne Hathaway vs. Kate Hudson, “Bride Wars”

Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Weapon XI, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter, “Obsessed”

Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet, “Twilight”

Chris Pine vs. Zachary Quinto, “Star Trek”

Choice Movie: Rockstar Moment

Jim Carrey, “Yes Man”

Zac Efron, “17 Again”

Anne Hathaway, “Bride Wars”

Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, “I Love You, Man”

Mike Tyson, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis, “The Hangover”

TELEVISION

Choice TV Show: Drama

“90210”

“Gossip Girl”

“Grey’s Anatomy”

“House”

“The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Choice TV Show: Action Adventure

“24”

“Heroes”

“Lost”

“Smallville”

“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”

Choice TV Show: Comedy

“Hannah Montana”

“How I Met Your Mother”

“iCarly”

“The Office”

“Ugly Betty”

Choice TV: Animated Show

“American Dad”

“Family Guy”

“The Simpsons”

“South Park”

“SpongeBob SquarePants”

Choice TV: Reality

“The Hills”

“Jon & Kate Plus 8”

“Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List”

“Keeping Up with the Kardashians”

“Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory”

Choice TV: Reality Competition

“America’s Best Dance Crew”

“America’s Next Top Model”

“American Idol”

“The Bachelor”

“Dancing With The Stars”

Choice TV Actor: Drama

Penn Badgley, “Gossip Girl”

Ken Baumann, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Chace Crawford, “Gossip Girl”

Joshua Jackson, “Fringe”

Dustin Milligan, “90210”

Choice TV Actress: Drama

Minka Kelly, “Friday Night Lights”

Blake Lively, “Gossip Girl”

Leighton Meester, “Gossip Girl”

Olivia Wilde, “House”

Shailene Woodley, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Choice TV Actor: Action Adventure

Thomas Dekker, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”

Matthew Fox, “Lost”

Josh Holloway, “Lost”

Milo Ventimiglia, “Heroes”

Tom Welling, “Smallville”

Choice TV Actress: Action Adventure

Kristen Bell, “Heroes”

Summer Glau, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”

Kristen Kreuk, “Smallville”

Ali Larter, “Heroes”

Hayden Panettiere, “Heroes”

Choice TV Actor: Comedy

Steve Carell, “The Office”

Neil Patrick Harris, “How I Met Your Mother”

Jonas Brothers, “JONAS”

Charlie Sheen, “Two and a Half Men”

Jerry Trainor, “iCarly”

Choice TV Actress: Comedy

Miranda Cosgrove, “iCarly”

Miley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana”

America Ferrera, “Ugly Betty”

Jenna Fisher, “The Office”

Eva Longoria Parker, “Desperate Housewives”

Choice TV: Personality

Tyra Banks, “America’s Next Top Model”

Simon Cowell, “American Idol”

Lil Mama, “America’s Best Dance Crew”

Mario Lopez, “America’s Best Dance Crew”

Ryan Seacrest, “American Idol” / “E! News”



Choice TV: Breakout Show

“90210”

“Fringe”

“Glee”

“JONAS”

“The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Choice TV: Breakout Star Female

Demi Lovato, “Sonny with a Chance”

AnnaLynne McCord, “90210”

Lea Michele, “Glee”

Chelsea Staub, “JONAS”

Anna Torv, “Fringe”

Choice TV: Breakout Star Male

Frankie Jonas, “JONAS”

Daren Kagasoff, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Danny McBride, “Eastbound & Down”

Cory Monteith, “Glee”

Tristan Wilds, “90210”

Choice TV: Male Reality/Variety Star

Kris Allen, “American Idol”

Rob Dyrdek, “Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory”

Brody Jenner, “Bromance”

Adam Lambert, “American Idol”

Ryan Sheckler, “Life of Ryan”

Choice TV: Female Reality/Variety Star

Teyona Anderson, “America’s Next Top Model”

Lauren Conrad, “The Hills”

Paris Hilton, “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”

Shawn Johnson, “Dancing With The Stars”

Kim Kardashian, “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”

Choice TV: Villain

Spencer Pratt, “The Hills”

Zachary Quinto, “Heroes”

Michael Rosenbaum, “Smallville”

Ed Westwick, “Gossip Girl”

Vanessa Williams, “Ugly Betty”

Choice TV: Fab-u-lous

Perez Hilton

Carson Kressley, “How to Look Good Naked”

Rex Lee as Lloyd, “Entourage”

Miss Jay, “America’s Next Top Model”

Michael Urie as Marc St. James, “Ugly Betty”

Choice TV: Sidekick

Jake T. Austin, “Wizards of Waverly Place”

Allison Mack, “Smallville”

Jennette McCurdy, “iCarly”

Emily Osment, “Hannah Montana”

Michael Urie, “Ugly Betty”

Choice TV: Late Night Show

“Chelsea Lately”

“Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

“Late Night with Jimmy Fallon”

“The Late Show with David Letterman”

“The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien”

Choice TV: Parental Unit

Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hannah Montana”

Rob Estes and Lori Loughlin, “90210”

Tony Plana, “Ugly Betty”

Molly Ringwald and Mark Derwin, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”

Matthew Settle, “Gossip Girl”

MUSIC

Choice Music: Single

“My Life Would Suck Without You,” Kelly Clarkson

“The Climb,” Miley Cyrus

“Poker Face,” Lady Gaga

“Hot N Cold,” Katy Perry

“Circus,” Britney Spears

Choice Music: Hook Up

Ciara feat. Justin Timberlake, “Love Sex Magic”

Lady Gaga feat. Colby O’Donis, “Just Dance”

Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat, “Lucky”

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em feat. Sammie, “Kiss Me Thru The Phone”

T.I. / Rihanna, “Live Your Life”

Choice Music: Male Artist

Lil Wayne

Jason Mraz

Ne-Yo

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

Kanye West

Choice Music: Female Artist

Miley Cyrus

Lady Gaga

Katy Perry

Britney Spears

Taylor Swift

Choice Music: Rap Artist

Bow Wow

Lil Wayne

Pitbull

Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

Kanye West

Choice Music: R&B Artist

Beyoncé

Jamie Foxx

Jennifer Hudson

Ne-Yo

T-Pain

Choice Music: Rock Group

All-American Rejects

Green Day

Kings of Leon

Linkin Park

Paramore

Choice Music: Breakout Artist

David Archuleta

David Cook

Kid Cudi

Lady Gaga

Asher Roth

Choice Music: Love Song

“Crush,” David Archuleta

“Halo,” Beyoncé

“Lovebug,” Jonas Brothers

“How Do You Sleep,” Jesse McCartney

“Love Story,” Taylor Swift

Choice Music: R&B Track

“Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It),” Beyoncé

“If This Isn’t Love,” Jennifer Hudson

“Mad,” Ne-Yo

“Kiss Me Thru The Phone,” Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em feat. Sammie

“Love Lockdown,” Kanye West

Choice Music: Rap/Hip-Hop Track

“Boom Boom Pow,” The Black Eyed Peas

“Right Round,” Flo Rida

“I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho),” Pitbull

“I Love College,” Asher Roth

“Heartless,” Kanye West

Choice Music: Rock Track

“Gives You Hell,” All-American Rejects

“You Found Me,” The Fray

“Know Your Enemy,” Green Day

“Decode,” Paramore

“Sink Into Me,” Taking Back Sunday

Choice Music: Album (Male Artist)

“David Cook,” David Cook

“Relapse,” Eminem

“Tha Carter III,” Lil Wayne

“We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things,” Jason Mraz

“808s and Heartbreak,” Kanye West

Choice Music: Album (Female Artist)

“I Am…Sasha Fierce,” Beyoncé

“The Fame,” Lady Gaga

“One of the Boys,” Katy Perry

“Fearless,” Taylor Swift

“Carnival Ride,” Carrie Underwood

Choice Music: Album (Group)

“When the World Comes Down,” All-American Rejects

“The E.N.D.,” The Black Eyed Peas

“21^st Century Breakdown,” Green Day

“Lines, Vines and Trying Times,” Jonas Brothers

“Only by the Night,” Kings of Leon

Choice Music: Soundtrack

“Gossip Girl”

“Hannah Montana: The Movie”

“High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

“Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience”

“Twilight”

Choice Music: Tour

American Idol

Jonas Brothers

Demi Lovato / David Archuleta

Britney Spears

Taylor Swift

SPORTS

Choice Athlete: Male

David Beckham

Kobe Bryant

Roger Federer

Michael Phelps

Tiger Woods

Choice Athlete: Female

Shawn Johnson

Nastia Liukin

Danica Patrick

Kerri Walsh and Misty May Treanor

Serena Williams

Choice Action Sports Athlete: Male

Paul Rodriguez (Skateboarding)

Ryan Sheckler (Skateboarding)

Kelly Slater (Surfing)

James Stewart (Motocross)

Shaun White (Snowboarding)

Choice Action Sports Athlete: Female

Gretchen Bleiler (Snowboarding)

Torah Bright (Snowboarding)

Stephanie Gilmore (Surfing)

Lyn-Z Adams Hawkins (Skateboarding)

Carissa Moore (Surfing)

OTHER

Choice Male Hottie

Chace Crawford

Zac Efron

Jonas Brothers

Taylor Kitsch

Robert Pattinson

Choice Female Hottie

Miley Cyrus

Megan Fox

Vanessa Hudgens

Beyoncé Knowles

Blake Lively

Choice Web Star

Will Ferrell

Fred

Perez Hilton

Ashton Kutcher

Andy Samberg

Choice Red Carpet Icon: Male

Zac Efron

Jonas Brothers

Adam Lambert

Justin Timberlake

Kanye West

Choice Red Carpet Icon: Female

Rachel Bilson

Miley Cyrus

Selena Gomez

Demi Lovato

Eva Longoria Parker

Choice Comedian

Dane Cook

Kathy Griffin

George Lopez

Amy Poehler

Andy Samberg

Choice Celebrity Activist

Leonardo DiCaprio

Angelina Jolie

Hayden Panettiere

Brad Pitt

Natalie Portman

Choice Celebrity Pet

Bo (The Obamas’ Portuguese Water Dog)

Kitty Purry (Katy Perry’s Cat)

Matzo Ball (Adam Sandler’s Bulldog)

Shadow (Vanessa Hudgens’ Poodle)

Vida Blue (Ashton Kutcher’s Chihuahua)

Choice Video Game

“Grand Theft Auto IV”

“Guitar Hero: Metallica”

“Madden NFL ‘09”

“Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe”

“Rock Band 2”

Choice Celebrity Baby

Harlow (Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden)

Honor Marie (Parents: Jessica Alba and Cash Warren)

Seraphina (Parents: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck)

Sunny (Parents: Adam and Jackie Sandler)

Zuma (Parents: Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)

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MUSIC LEGEND LIONEL RICHIE TO PERFORM ON ABC DAYTIME'S "ONE LIFE TO LIVE"

New York, N.Y., June 11th, 2009.               Oscar(r), Golden Globe and five-time Grammy Award winner Lionel Richie will appear on ABC Daytime's "One Life to Live," performing his hit "Just Go" off his latest album of the same title, released on Island Records May 19th. Richie will be joined on the song by rising pop-star Jeremih, who currently holds the No. 1 spot on the charts with his debut single, "Birthday Sex."

"We are proud to have hosted a tremendously talented group of musicians on 'One Life to Live,'" said Executive Producer Frank Valentini. "We welcome the enduring talents of such an accomplished musician as Lionel Richie and the creativity of a new artist like Jeremih. We look forward to bringing our fans a first time collaboration between these two very talented musicians."

Richie and Jeremih will perform at Llanview's hot spot, Ultraviolet. They will tape their performance for the Emmy-winning daytime drama on June 12 in the show's New York studio. "One Life to Live" has dedicated itself to forging a unique path in ABC's daytime lineup as a music-focused show, and has hosted such music superstars as Snoop Dogg and Mary J. Blige. The list also features The Pussycat Dolls, Rachael Yamagata, The Plain White T's, Puddle of Mudd, Timbaland with Keri Hilson and One Republic, Nelly Furtado, Lifehouse, Simply Red, Chris Botti and Erykah Badu.

The legendary singer, songwriter, producer and pop icon has sold more than 100 million records worldwide in his very impressive career. "Just Go" marks Richie's third Island set since 2001 and a successful musical collaboration with hitmakers Tricky Stewart & The Dream, Stargate and Akon. He became a core member of the Island Records family with the release of "Renaissance" in March 2001, followed by "Just for You" in May 2004, the live album "Encore" in September 2004, "Coming Home" in September 2006, his first Christmas album, "Sounds of the Season," in December 2006 and "Live in Paris" in September of 2007.

Richie has the remarkable distinction of being the only songwriter in the modern pop era to write No. 1 song hits over the course of nine consecutive years (1978-86), including such hits as "Three Times a Lady," "Still," "Lady," "Endless Love," "Truly," "All Night Long," "Hello," "We Are the World" and "Say You, Say Me." Among his accomplishments, he also has had a string of 15 consecutive top 10 R&B hits between 1981 and 1992 - 13 of which were top 10 pop hits, five of which were No. 1.

Chicago sensation Jeremih boasts the unique accomplishment of achieving the No. 1 MySpace song for more than three weeks with 60 million plays and counting for his song "Birthday Sex." The 21-year-old singer, songwriter, producer and multi-instrumental musician also has achieved the No. 1 spot on Urban Radio for the past four weeks, No. 2 at Rhythm radio, the No. 1 most added at Pop radio last week. He is currently holding the No. 4 position on Billboard's Hot 100 chart and No. 1 on Billboard's Ringmasters chart. His self-titled debut album, "Jeremih," is set to be released on June 30th.

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ABC DAYTIME UNVEILS NEW "VIEW" ONLINE

New York, N.Y., June 16th, 2009.               ABC Daytime has launched a completely redesigned website for "The View." In addition to an updated look and design, the new site (www.abc.com/theview) provides fans of the show with exclusive behind-the-scenes access as well as a wide array of new video content and community features.

New video features include:

* "An Inside 'View'" -- In this daily series, Executive Producer Bill Geddie takes viewers behind the scenes of "The View," candidly interviewing co-hosts Barbara Waters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd, as well as "View" staff and producers and celebrity guests, just minutes before the live morning shows. These videos give viewers unprecedented, backstage access covering all aspects of the happenings behind the cameras of this daytime talk show.

* "What I'm Wearing" - Daily webisodes featuring co-hosts Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd individually sharing the details of their outfit worn during that day's show. From head to toe, they give viewers a run-down of what they are wearing and why they chose it - from shoes and jewelry to dresses and jeans.

Regarding his new webisode series, Mr. Geddie said in jest: "At long last people like me, who shouldn't be allowed on regular television, have an outlet! While the extreme close-up camera angle may be frightening for small children, regular fans of the show will be delighted with the unedited access to the 'View' factory and all its eccentric characters. Parents will also find my videos a useful tool in talking their teens out of careers in show business. And everyone will find something at which to giggle and mock. Betcha can't watch just one!"

The site already engages fans through a variety of means, including its extremely active forums, editorial commenting, user polls, ongoing blogs from the show's producers, mobile alerts, a weekly newsletter and detailed complimentary content such as recipes, health and fitness tips, and 'how-to' instructions for crafts and other projects previously featured on the show.

"The View" features Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Sherri Shepherd. It's the original forum in which real women discuss everyday issues and share their no-holds-barred opinions and engage in colorful conversations. Since its launch, "The View" has received 24 Daytime Emmy Awards, including Outstanding Talk Show. The show has received numerous nominations, including eleven consecutive nominations for Outstanding Daytime Talk Show and twelve consecutive nominations for Outstanding Talk Show Host. The program is broadcast in HDTV with 5.1-channel surround sound and is currently in its 12th season on ABC. "The View" is now available to watch online daily at 4:00 p.m., ET/1:00 p.m., PT on the ABC Digital Full Episode Player at ABC.com.

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ABC.COM HOLDS 8 OF TOP 10 SERIES VIEWED ONLINE IN MAY

New York, N.Y., June 12th, 2009.               ABC.com Holds 8 of the Top 10 Series Viewed Online in May 2009, Including the Top 5 Programs. "Dancing with the Stars" is the No. 1 Program in Unique Viewers For the 3rd Month in a Row.

"Lost" is the No. 1 Program in May in Total Streams, Holding the Top Position in Every Month of 2009 According to the latest data from Nielsen VideoCensus for May 2009, ABC.com (6.3 million UVs) stood as the dominant No. 1 online broadcast site for the month in Unique Viewers, beating CBS Television by 58% (4.0 million UVs), NBC.com by 70% (3.7 million UVs), Fox Broadcasting by 294% (1.6 million UVs) and Cwtv.com by 636% (856,000).
Broadcast Network Websites - Unique Viewers (May'09)    

Name                                               Unique Viewers

No. 1 ABC.com                                       6.0 million

No. 2 CBS Television                              4.0 million

No. 3 NBC.com                                       3.7 million

No. 4 Fox Broadcasting                          1.6 million

No. 5 Cwtv.com                                         856,000


Top 10 Programs - Unique Viewers (May'09)  


Program                                                  Net                                          Unique Viewers

No. 1 Dancing with the Stars                    ABC                                       1.939 million

No. 2 Lost                                               ABC                                      1.817 million

No. 3 Grey's Anatomy                              ABC                                      1.546 million

No. 4 The Bachelorette                             ABC                                        1.375 million

No. 5 Desperate Housewives                     ABC                                       1.178 million

No. 6 Saturday Night Live                          NBC                                       1.175 million

No. 7 Wipeout                                         ABC                                         946,000

No. 8 Survivor                                          CBS                                        772,000

No. 9 Extreme Makeover: Home Ed.         ABC                                         680,000 

No.10 Ugly Betty                                     ABC                                         679,000 


Top 10 Programs - Total Streams (May'09)    

Program                                                  Net                                         Total Streams

No. 1 Lost                                                ABC                                      36.4 million

No. 2 Grey's Anatomy                               ABC                                      29.0 million

No. 3 Desperate Housewives                     ABC                                      14.9 million

No. 4 The Office                                        NBC                                      14.5 million

No. 5 Dancing with the Stars                      ABC                                      13.1 million

No. 6 NCIS                                               CBS                                       11.6 million

No. 7 Young and the Restless                   CBS                                        11.5 million

No. 8 Survivor                                           CBS                                        11.1 million

No. 9 The Bachelorette                              ABC                                       9.1 million

No.10 Gossip Girl                                      CW                                        8.4 million
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CBS ORDERS THREE MORE EDITIONS OF "I GET THAT A LOT" FOR BROADCAST NEXT SEASON

New York, N.Y., June 15th, 2009. CBS has ordered three more editions of I GET THAT A LOT, a hidden camera special in which celebrities work in everyday jobs and try to convince customers they aren't who they appear to be. Participants will be announced at a later date.

I GET THAT A LOT features celebrities tricking everyday citizens in a case of supposed "mistaken identity." Working ordinary jobs, these celebrities confuse customers who can't decide if it's the actual celebrity or an astonishing look-alike. As these celebrity jesters continue to deny their true identities, various reactions from their customers elicit exasperated and hilarious responses.
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CBS NEWS UNVEILS THE NEXT GENERATION OF CBSNEWS.COM

New York, N.Y., June 16th, 2009.               CBS News today unveiled the next generation of CBSNews.com (www.cbsnews.com), a dramatic redesign of its web site that lets readers dig deeper into the stories that impact the world with 24-hour access to news, videos and photos. The new CBSNews.com offers a completely new look and feel, more original and exclusive content from CBS News, columnists and content partners, enhanced destinations for each of its award-winning news programs, and access to live coverage of breaking news and special events.

The CBSNews.com redesign is sponsored by advertisers including Sprint, BluePhone and GateWay. Sponsors will have the opportunity to reach the high-profile CBSNews.com audience through integrated advertising units including branded resource centers and immersive video environments.

The redesign builds on CBSNews.com’s recent success bringing original content and breaking news to CBS News’ audiences, adding depth to on-air news broadcasts. This includes the highly successful Webcasts during Election and Campaign ’08 hosted by Katie Couric, Anchor and Managing Editor of the CBS EVENING NEWS WITH KATIE COURIC. Couric is widely acknowledged for her blogging, her candid FlipCam videos and her active presence on social media web sites like YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. The redesign offers fans and followers new opportunities to interact with Couric and her Web content.

“The new design and platform looks to capitalize on the legacy and strengths of the CBS News’ brands, while leveraging the web’s ability to help us dramatically expand our coverage, showcase our strength in video, and drive greater engagement with our audience,” said Joe Gillespie, Executive Vice President, CBS Interactive Technology & News. “The goal was to build and design a site that clearly identifies the most important breaking news and highlights each of CBS News programs’ unique tones and personalities, all in a framework that is easy to navigate and always in the moment.”

“CBS News has always been a leader in innovating electronic journalism. This redesign makes exclusive new content available and makes all our content more accessible than ever,” said Sean McManus, President, CBS News and Sports. “Working together with CBS News broadcast television and radio, CBSNews.com will be a 24-hour pipeline for CBS News’ content to reach millions of people, anywhere, anytime.”

“We are excited to be a part of this momentous occasion. CBSNews.com, with its engaged and informed audience, offers a terrific platform for us to introduce the BluePhone service and our 24/7 Hotline to Personal Tech Experts to the marketplace,” said Allen Nieman, Vice President of Marketing, BluePhone.

The CBSNews.com home page now features a visual carousel of the day’s top stories, with the latest, most significant and most popular headlines prominently featured. From the home page, users can easily access the site’s original content, including:

Breaking News: Featuring news stories from CBSNews.com’s editorial staff led by Editor-in-chief Dan Farber, the site also includes stories from CBS News producers and editors, CBS Radio, as well as content partners like Politico, CBS MoneyWatch, Washington Post and WebMD.

Original Web Series:

o             Beginning this week, WASHINGTON UNPLUGGED (www.cbsnews.com/washingtonunplugged) moved from a weekly to a daily format. Hosted by Bob Schieffer, CBS News Chief Washington Correspondent and Moderator of FACE THE NATION, WASHINGTON UNPLUGGED is a hard-hitting, topical, political forum with exclusive newsmaker interviews and roundtable discussions every day at 12:30 p.m. Eastern Time. Launched in February as a 15-minute weekly series, loyal fans have made this a hugely popular online political destination.

o             Debuting this summer, THE TOMORROW SHOW, hosted by CBS News Contributor Mo Rocca, will be a fun, interactive discussion about what the future has in store, and the possibilities on the horizon – from the probable to the possible to the strange and inventive. Launching in early August, Mo Rocca and his guests will discuss technology, food, pop culture, the environment and more. Guests will include the super smart - and sometimes bizarre - minds of the people who think about this stuff – scientists, authors, bloggers, futurists and the audience.

o             Also coming this summer is IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, hosted by CBS News medical correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton. The live weekly show will cover a variety of topical subjects in medicine, highlighting Dr. Ashton’s specialization in women's health. Featuring experts and a variety of guests, the show will explore general health issues focusing on how they relate to women, including discussions on everything from exercise at every age to stress-fighting foods.

Blogs: Launched today, 48 HOURS CRIMESIDER (www.crimesider.com) is a provocative new blog from visionary executive producer Susan Zirinsky, which builds on the enormous popularity of 48 HOURS MYSTERY, the highest-rated true-crime program on television. CRIMESIDER will be the premium online destination for true-crime fans delivering original, exclusive content covering the most riveting crime stories of the day with rapidly updated news, images, audio and video streaming. CRIMESIDER users will also be able to enter the highly interactive conversation with comments, webcams and social networking elements.

In addition, CBSNews.com users will find a variety of issue-oriented blogs offering the latest buzz on the topics that interest them most. CBSNews.com’s expanding roster of blogs includes: Political Hotsheet, WorldWatch, EconWatch, CourtWatch and RightsWatch.

The redesign also includes a new look and feel for each of the CBS News programs that reflects the unique feel of the show, including CBS EVENING NEWS WITH KATIE COURIC, 60 MINUTES, FACE THE NATION, THE EARLY SHOW, 48 HOURS MYSTERY and SUNDAY MORNING. For example, the 60 MINUTES site (www.60minutes.com) will highlight the show’s exclusive and historic segments such as interviews with Captain Sully and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.   In addition, through CBSNews.com’s “Live Feed,” users will continue to have access to CBS News’ live coverage of breaking news and events. The Live Feed will also be distributed to CBS Owned & Operated stations, affiliates and via UStream

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"THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O'BRIEN" LISTINGS

Thursday, June 18: Eva Mendes, Christopher Mintz-Plasse and musical guest The Dead Weather

Friday, June 19: Shia LaBeouf and musical guest Holly Williams

Monday, June 22: Cameron Diaz, Johnny Strange and musical guest Pete Yorn

Tuesday, June 23: Lisa Kudrow, Billy Mays & Anthony Sullivan and musical guest Elvis Costello

Wednesday, June 24: Brandon McMillon, Kerry Washington and musical guest Wilco

Thursday, June 25: Bruno, Cirque du Soleil Zumanity

Friday, June 26: Snoop Dogg and musical guest Adele

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN"

Thursday, June 18               Adventurist Bear Grylls; musical guests Phoenix

Friday, June 19                         Actress Jada Pinkett Smith; actor Michael Cera; musical guests The Sounds

Monday, June 22                      Actor Samuel L. Jackson; chef Emeril Lagasse; musical guests The BPA with Iggy Pop

Tuesday, June 23                      Former Supreme Court Justice/author Sandra Day O'Connor; musical guests MSTRKRFT with John Legend

Wednesday, June 24                Actor/comedian Ray Romano; musical guests St. Vincent

Thursday, June 25                    Actor Johnny Depp; actress Megan Fox

Friday, June 26                         Actor Martin Short; musical guest Regina Spektor

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ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

June 18
1. Actress Kathy Griffin ("My Life on the D List") 2. Actor Ramon Rodriguez ("Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen") 3. Musical guest Ben Harper

June 19
TBD

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LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON'

Thursday, June 18 – Show 0069 – Guests include Ryan Reynolds, Lauren Conrad, and musical guest The Fray

Friday, June 19 – Show 0070 – Guests include Jeff Goldblum, Mike Birbiglia, Tamra Davis

Monday, June 22 – Show 0071 – Guests include John Leguizamo, Nick Cannon, and musical guest Sonic Youth

Tuesday, June 23 – Show 0072 – Guests include Abigail Breslin, James Purefoy, Blake Griffin, and musical guest Iggy Pop & The Brighton Port Authority

Wednesday, June 24 – Show 0073 – Guests include Richard Branson, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and musical guest The Roots

Thursday, June 25 – Show 0074 – Guests include Tiger Woods, Evan Rachel Wood, and musical guest Dinosaur Jr

Friday, June 26 – Show 0075 – Guests include Cameron Diaz, Universal Record Database, and musical guest Grizzly Bear

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON"

Thursday, June 18                    Actress Sandra Bullock; music by Metric; comedian David Feldman

Friday, June 19                         Actor Bryan Cranston; actor Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Monday, June 22                      Actress Marion Cotillard; columnist Michael Musto

Tuesday, June 23                 Actor Jim Parsons from the CBS comedy series "The Big Bang Theory"; author James Frey

Wednesday, June 24            Actress Mary Steenburgen; music by Bettye LaVette; comedian Todd Sawyer

Thursday, June 25               Actor Larry David; Chef Wolfgang Puck

Friday, June 26                    Actress Lisa Kudrow; author Alan Furst; music by Chairlift

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LISTINGS FOR 'LAST CALL WITH CARSON DALY'

Thursday, June 18 –1033 John Scurti with musical guest Peaches

Friday, June 19 –1034 Kathy Griffin with musical guest The Ting Tings

Monday, June 22 –1009 Tim Roth/Miranda Kerr with musical guest Black Kids

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QUOTABLES FROM 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON' June 8 – June 12

"This is all over the web – Bret Michaels, of Poison, he fell on stage during the opening production number at the Tony Awards last night. Did you see that? Apparently he lost his balance when he looked out at the audience and realized he was at the Tony's."
"The big winner of the night was Billy Elliot, which took home 10 Tonys, 4 Kevins, and a Gerard."

"For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. There's a few movies to choose from: Turban Cowboy, The Taking of Hostages 1, 2, and 3, He's Just Not That Into You Driving, or Tyler Perry's: Madea Goes to Jail for Showing Her Ankles."

"Two doctors in Tennessee have invented a device that improves your posture by giving you a small electric zap every time you slouch. The device is called "Your Mother-with-a-Taser""

"Figure skater Michelle Kwan graduated from the University of Denver on Saturday with a degree in international studies. She finished with a GPA of 4.0, 4.0, 3.9, 4.0, and from the Russian judge… 2.6."

"Happy Birthday to Joan Rivers, she turned 76 today. And Happy 10th Birthday to Joan's eyelids."

"President Obama is proposing a new national health care plan that's both inexpensive and accessible. He's calling it, "Have Your Surgery in Mexico.""

"In upstate New York, the driver of a horse and buggy was arrested after leading the cops on a three-mile chase. Shortly after, the cops were arrested for SUCKING AT THEIR JOBS."

"A new green tea-flavored Coca-Cola was introduced in Japan yesterday. You know, for people who love Coca-Cola, but hate the taste of Coca-Cola."

"A new survey out has found that 26% of people admit to taxting while droving."

"Scientists are now saying that children under the age of 2 should not watch television – apparently it delays language development. But I say (jingling keys at the camera) "keep watching kids, keep watching!""

"A pastor in Kentucky is asking parishioners to bring their guns to church to help celebrate the Fourth of July and the Second Amendment. The church loves the idea - donations have gone up 500% since they started passing the collection plate at gunpoint."

"Whitney Houston's first album in over seven years will be released on September 1st. When asked what roll Bobby Brown played in the making of the album, Whitney said, "Beats me.""

"Residents of a street in England once called "Butt Hole Road" finally managed to get the name changed. So congratulations to the residents of the new - "Butt Hole Circle.""

"Edward Whitaker, the former chairman of AT&T, was appointed the new chairman of General Motors. I'm not sure about his business plan – he's giving away free cars on nights and weekends."

"In an interview the new chairman actually said, "I don't know anything about cars." I respect that. He's keeping up the GM tradition."

"Kim Jong-il said that – if provoked – North Korea would not hesitate to use it's nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive." I just hope no one is stupid enough to provoke that fat, little weirdo."

"Adam Lambert said in Rolling Stone Magazine that he decided to try out for American Idol after taking mushrooms at Burning Man. What a coincidence, that's exactly how I decided to do my show."

"Adam Lambert also said, "I don't think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear I'm gay." Well, I don't think he should tell anyone whether or not they should be "surprised." I'm surprised - and I'm not ashamed of it. I knew I was surprised since I was 7 years old and I'm not going back in the "surprise closet," - just because one guy tells me that being surprised is wrong."

"Despite the recession, McDonald's reported its sales in May climbed 5.1%. And people who ate at McDonald's didn't climb anything."

"Scientists have created a mathematical formula that can be used as a "cosmic pregnancy test" to predict the birth of new stars in the galaxy. The only problem is that it's really hard to get the universe to pee on a stick."

"A 2-year-old girl in Britain scored a 160 on an IQ test - the same IQ as Stephen Hawking. Her parents knew she was smart when her first words were "I do not want to take a nap." "I want a bottle of warm milk.""

"Cops in France are searching for a thief who stole a notebook full of Picasso's sketches. The thief should be easy to find—he has just one eye and his foot is on his forehead."

"A woman in Omaha gave birth to a healthy baby boy on the side of Interstate 80 Monday morning while she was stuck in a traffic jam. Luckily, afterwards, she was able to use the carpool lane to get back home."

"In West Palm Beach Florida - A 93-year-old man married an 89-year-old woman. I just hope they can overcome the age difference. The reception was crazy. The DJ played until 6pm. If you want to buy them a gift, the couple is registered at Heaven. They had an adorable little flower girl – just 82 years old."
"Karl Rove called the New York Times' Maureen Dowd a "bitter, twisted, deranged columnist," -- and a "dour, downbeat liberal" - and more - a "nasty, snarky person." Hey - get a room!"

"Colleges in India have now banned all female students from wearing jeans. They say it's to protect them from sexual harassment. Seems like it would be easier to just ban sexual harassment?"

"Researchers have found that people who drive drunk are more dangerous on the road than drivers who are high on marijuana. It's mostly because the drivers using marijuana are just sitting in the Taco Bell drive-thru."

"Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt from "The Hills," they broke up. They decided it was time to move on and start infecting other people.

"A new report finds that "one in four" payphones in the New York City subway system don't work. I think the worst part is – someone had to touch at least FOUR New York City payphones to find that out."

"Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?"

"Venezuela has banned the sale of Coke Zero because of unspecified health risks. And still not banned in Venezuela: actual coke."

"According to the Congressional budget office deficit hit a record 189 billion dollars in May. Or as it's known here in New York – Four Yankee Tickets."

"A new element will be added to the Periodic Table - it is the heaviest element in the table. It is being called Ununbium, which is Latin for "thigh of Rush Limbaugh."

"Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced. Apparently she caught him injecting another woman."

"Yesterday President Obama signed a note for a fourth-grade girl who missed school so she could attend his town hall. I don't see what the big deal is. Bush wrote notes for fourth-graders too – he just called them "speeches.""

"Lil Wayne will be the proud father of two new sons from two different women. Yeah - the women were Lil Drunk and Lil Stoned."

"A man in Michigan was arrested this week after he broke into a woman's house while wearing a purple bra and boxer shorts. Okay, remember when you told me to tell you when you're embarrassing me, Dad? You're embarrassing me."

"Norman Brinker, the man who invented the salad bar, passed away this week."
"The wake was open-casket… but with a sneeze-guard."
"They lowered his casket into the ground using giant tongs."
"Many of the mourners went back to pay their respects a second and third time."

"A man in Ohio was sentenced to nine years in prison for stealing underwear from more than 20 women. He is hoping, that, with good behavior, his sentence will be brief."

"Cher's daughter, Chastity Bono, will have a sex-change operation - it's called the gender reassignment surgery – and will soon become a man. She's even writing a song about it called "I Got You, Balls."

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THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Things Overheard at the "Fire David Letterman' Rally"

As presented on the Tuesday, June 16 broadcast

10.       "David who?"

9.         "Well, it was nice of CBS to provide the catering."

8.         "We should have done this years ago."

7.         "What idiot turned Broadway into a pedestrian mall?"

6.         "Isn't there always a crowd demanding Letterman be fired?"

5.         "March around the potholes, people."

4.         "Can we also get CBS to bring back ‘Gunsmoke'?"

3.         "When does Cheney get here with the waterboarding gear?"

2.         "He should apologize for that hairpiece."

1.         "Thanks for coming, Regis."

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THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Messages on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Answering Machine"

As presented on the Monday, June 15 broadcast

10.       What kind of dictator only gets 63% of the vote?

9.         I voted for you, now where's that goat you promised me?

8.         Dude, where'd you get that sweet tan windbreaker?

7.         It's Kim Jong-Il. Congratulations, see you at Khaddafi's for Thursday night's Texas Hold ‘Em.

6.         Hey Mahmoud, hey, Mad Dog. Can the Yankees win with that bullpen?

5.         Sorry, wrong number - I was looking for Maxine Ahmadinejad.

4.         It's Jeb Bush, those crooked voting machines arrive on time?

3.         Osama here, my cable's out - can I come over to watch "Gossip Girl?"

2.         According to exit polls, soccer moms thought your beard was h-o-t hot.

1.         It's Dubya. Congratulations on winning the election in whatever country you're in.

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