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Headlines & Links For Thursday, September 17th, 2009.

ADAM SHANKMAN JOINS MARY MURPHY AND NIGEL LYTHGOE AS NEW JUDGE ON “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE” (Read More)

CBS ORDERS MORE "BIG BROTHER" (Read More)

NBC.COM SCORES AT THE EMMYS WINNING OUTSTANDING CREATIVE ACHIEVEMENT IN INTERACTIVE MEDIA FOR 'THE LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON DIGITAL EXPERIENCE'       (Read More)

ALL AMERICAN REJECTS TO PERFORM ON ONE LIFE TO LIVE       (Read More)

NBC UNIVERSAL DIGITAL STUDIO ANNOUNCES NEW ORIGINAL WEB SERIES – 'IN GAYLE WE TRUST' TO PREMIERE SEPTEMBER 15       (Read More)

CBS's DAYTIME DRAMA "AS THE WORLD TURNS" HOLDS OPEN AUDITIONS IN THREE CITIES       (Read More)

'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' ADDS TWO TO CAST       (Read More)

NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 26 WITH ACTRESS MEGAN FOX & GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING MUSICAL GUEST U2       (Read More)

LISTINGS FOR NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'       (Read More)

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA TO VISIT CBS's "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," MONDAY, SEPT. 21       (Read More)

FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON TO VISIT THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," TUESDAY, SEPT. 22       (Read More)

QUOTABLES FROM 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON' September 8 – September 11       (Read More)

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "South Carolina Representative Joe Wilson Excuses"       (Read More)

ADAM SHANKMAN JOINS MARY MURPHY AND NIGEL LYTHGOE AS NEW JUDGE ON “SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE”

Los Angeles, Ca., September 16th, 2009.               Acclaimed producer, director and choreographer Adam Shankman has joined SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE as a third judge. Shankman, who has been a guest judge and choreographer on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE since 2007, will sit alongside Mary Murphy and Nigel Lythgoe and draw upon his expertise to critique the dancers throughout the competition.

The all-new fall season of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE airs Tuesdays (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) and Wednesdays (8:00-9:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. Shankman, who serves as a guest judge on this season’s audition episodes, will join the judges’ panel beginning with the Top 20 performance show Tuesday, Oct. 27 (8:00-10:00 PM ET/PT).

“SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE is one of the most important things to happen in the last decade for the art form,” said Shankman. “Choreography is how I found my way into this business, and I’m proud to be a part of the show. As a filmmaker, it’s an honor to be able to recognize choreographers and dancers, and to be able to bring all of this amazing work into America’s homes. These kids challenge themselves every week, and it’s great for people to see how terrific these dancers are.”

“I am extremely happy that Adam has agreed to be a resident judge,” said Nigel Lythgoe, Executive Producer/Co-Creator, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. “We love bantering and bickering, and yet he still finds a way of capturing the sensitivity of every story told on stage. He is a consummate professional with a passion for dance and a discerning eye, which makes him perfect for us. Plus, it must be remembered, it takes a slightly crazy person to work with me and Mary.”

Adam Shankman is a master of comedy and one of the most loved and commercially successful filmmakers of his generation. His recent credits include “Bedtime Stories” starring Adam Sandler and Keri Russell, “17 Again” starring Zac Efron and “Hairspray,” the feature film adaptation of the Tony Award-winning Broadway musical. Shankman also directed the hit viral video “Prop 8: The Musical” for FunnyorDie.com, which was honored by GLAAD and has been viewed over 4 million times.

Shankman’s directorial debut was “The Wedding Planner” starring Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey. He followed that project with “A Walk to Remember” starring Mandy Moore and Shane West and “Bringing Down the House” with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah. His other credits include “The Pacifier” starring Vin Diesel, “Step Up,” “Step Up 2” and “Premonition” with Sandra Bullock. Shankman’s upcoming films include “Step Up 3-D,” “Going The Distance” starring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long and “The Last Song” starring Miley Cyrus.

Prior to directing, Shankman was one of the premiere dance and physical comedy choreographers who put his creative stamp on such projects as “The Addams Family,” “Casper,” “Inspector Gadget,” “Anastasia,” “George of the Jungle,” “Boogie Nights,” “Miami Rhapsody” and “The Flintstones,” for which he was nominated for a Bob Fosse Award. Shankman teamed up with influential video director Julian Temple to choreograph Whitney Houston’s “I’m Your Baby Tonight.” He has also choreographed videos for The B-52’s, Barry White, Aaron Neville, Chic and Stevie Wonder.

A native of Los Angeles, Shankman developed a love for the theater at an early age. After high school, he moved to New York to attend The Juilliard School. After five years as an actor and dancer in New York, he moved back to his hometown and began dancing in music videos for artists such as Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson.

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CBS ORDERS MORE "BIG BROTHER"

New York, N.Y., September 19th, 2009.                    Less than a week before the two-hour finale of "Big Brother 11," CBS is already making plans for Big Brother 12. The network announced today it has ordered another edition of the hit reality series for broadcast in the summer 2010.

            The three-times-a-week series has once again turned into a summer sensation, growing its audience both on-air and online for the CBS Television Network and CBS Interactive platforms.

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NBC.COM SCORES AT THE EMMYS WINNING OUTSTANDING CREATIVE ACHIEVEMENT IN INTERACTIVE MEDIA FOR 'THE LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON DIGITAL EXPERIENCE'

Universal City, Ca., September 12th, 2009.               NBC.com took home a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Media - Nonfiction for "The Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Digital Experience" at the Creative Arts ceremony in Los Angeles tonight. The site had six nominations overall this year. This brings NBC.com's Primetime and Daytime Emmy tally to three wins and fourteen nominations in the past three years.

"This is a tremendous honor for NBC.com," said Vivi Zigler, President, NBC Universal Digital Entertainment. "We're so proud of our partnership with Jimmy and the team at 'Late Night.' This relationship empowers the folks at NBC.com to build digital experiences that reward our fans and set the bar for online entertainment excellence."

The other Primetime Emmy nominations this year for NBC.com included "The Office Digital Experience" and "The 30 Rock Digital Experience" for Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Media – Fiction, "The Saturday Night Live Digital Experience," "Jay Leno's Garage" for Outstanding Special Class/Short-format Nonfiction Program, and "30 Rock's Kenneth the Web Page" for Outstanding Special Class/Short-format Live-Action Entertainment Program.

"The Late Night with Jimmy Fallon Digital Experience"

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/

"Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" debuted on NBC in March, but first it launched on NBC.com in December… no surprise for the most connected show in late night. Jimmy often has his sketches start on-air and then continue online, or he'll solicit questions on the site for an on-air interview, or ask fans to submit material online that will later become an on-air sketch. The Late Night site is as much a part of the show as the monologue! And with three bloggers posting daily original content, Late Night on NBC.com entertains loyal users while setting the standard for a television program in the digital world.

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ALL AMERICAN REJECTS TO PERFORM ON ONE LIFE TO LIVE

New York, N.Y., September 10th, 2009.                  "One Life to Live" continues to attract the music industry's top artists and to forge its path in ABC's daytime lineup as a music-focused show with an appearance by The All-American Rejects, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4 and MONDAY, DECEMBER 7 (taping on Tuesday, September 15 at the "One Life to Live" studio in New York City). The multi-platinum group is currently making the rounds on an international tour for their latest musical offering, "When the World Comes Down" (released on Interscope Records, Inc.) and will perform "Mona Lisa" and "I Wanna" from the album.

"The cast and I, being fans of The All-American Rejects' incredible talent, look forward to their performance on 'One Life to Live,'" said Executive Producer Frank Valentini. "Their appearance helps us to continue our tradition of incorporating music as a pivotal part of our storytelling while reaching a new audience."

The All-American Rejects will appear at Ultraviolet and Rex (John-Paul Lavoisier) surprises his son Shane (Austin Williams) with the honor of announcing the band. Also in attendance for the performance are Starr (Kristen Alderson), Cole (Brandon Buddy), Langston (Brittany Underwood), Markko (Jason Tam), Oliver (Scott Evans), Kyle (Brett Claywell), Stacy (Crystal Hunt) and Kim (Amanda Setton).

In 2001 front man Tyson Ritter and guitarist Nick Wheeler founded the group and, soon after, drummer Chris Gaylor and guitarist Mike Kennerty completed the quartet. In October 2002, the group released their full length self titled debut and garnered commercial success with their first single, "Swing Swing." In 2005 the group released their double platinum CD, "Move Along," which produced three smash hits, "Dirty Little Secret," "It Ends Tonight" and the title track. In December 2008, the group released their third CD, "When the World Comes Down." The first single, "Gives You Hell," spent four weeks at #1 on the Billboard charts and sold over 3.2 million in digital downloads. This November The All-American Rejects will take to the road with Taking Back Sunday for a co-headlining tour.

The All-American Rejects' appearance on "One Life to Live" on December 4 and 7 will follow an appearance by Lionel Richie and Jeremih on September 29. "One Life to Live" has hosted such music superstars as Snoop Dogg and Mary J. Blige. The list also features The Pussycat Dolls, Rachael Yamagata, The Plain White T's, Puddle Of Mudd, Timbaland with Keri Hilson and One Republic, Nelly Furtado, Lifehouse, Simply Red, Chris Botti and Erykah Badu.

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NBC UNIVERSAL DIGITAL STUDIO ANNOUNCES NEW ORIGINAL WEB SERIES – 'IN GAYLE WE TRUST' TO PREMIERE SEPTEMBER 15

Universal City, Ca., September 11th, 2009.               The NBC Universal Digital Studio today announced a new original series "In Gayle We Trust," sponsored by American Family Insurance. "In Gayle We Trust," the second scripted comedy to launch from the Studio this year, will premiere Tuesday, September 15. The announcement was made by Cameron Death, Vice President, NBC Universal Digital Studio.

"'In Gayle We Trust' is at the center of our desire to create compelling original digital entertainment with brands. We're excited to have American Family Insurance on board as the exclusive sponsor of this intriguing and quirky new series," said Death, Vice President Digital Content, NBC Universal Digital Studio.

"In Gayle We Trust" is an original 10-week digital series, written by Brent Forrester (NBC's "The Office"). The series centers on the lives of the fictional residents of Maple Grove. Insurance agent Gayle Evans, played by Elisa Donovan ("Clueless," "Beverly Hills, 90210," "Sabrina The Teenage Witch"), is the centerpiece of the town, serving as the sounding board, guru and trusted adviser among the town's idiosyncratic clientele.

In addition to the episodes, NBC Universal will be creating deep interactive experiences at www.InGayleWeTrust.com that will allow viewers to immerse themselves in online gaming and interactive maps tied directly to the series content.

The comedic short stories will be produced by NBC Universal Digital Studio in association with Mindshare Entertainment. They will be available at www.ingaylewetrust.com and promoted on-air on NBC and USA Network as well as NBC Universal's significant digital and mobile platforms, all major video-on demand platforms and social networks.

"In Gayle We Trust" is one component in a marketing campaign for American Family Insurance -- integrating entertainment and education to engage consumers with the brand, its products and its agents as uniquely suited to help families protect all the things they love.

The integrated campaign also includes expert personal finance advice on MSN.com and an engaging CBS Radio/Katz Advantage radio promotion, all aligned by a similar theme emphasizing American Family agents role as trusted advisors. Individual web sites are digitally linked and provide an American Family agent locator tool.

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CBS's DAYTIME DRAMA "AS THE WORLD TURNS" HOLDS OPEN AUDITIONS IN THREE CITIES

New York, N.Y. September 14th, 2009.               CBS's daytime drama AS THE WORLD TURNS is kicking off the "As The World Turns Never Surrender Tour" by holding open casting calls in three cities across the United States. Emmy-Award winning casting director Mary Clay Boland will audition aspiring actors in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Greenville, S.C. Ten locals will be selected to appear in upcoming episodes of AS THE WORLD TURNS that will be taped on-location in each city. Chosen actors will work with Michael Park (Detective "Jack Snyder") as his character travels the country trying to make amends for a life-changing experience. Although beaten down by the turn of events, the audience has come to expect that he "never surrenders," and will watch him grapple with his own guilt.

            The screen test is open to men and women 18 years and older who are eligible to work in the United States. Those wishing to audition should bring a completed copy of the application and a signed release form, which are available online at each individual station's Web site.   Copies of the application and the audition scene will also be available at each location's casting call.

The casting calls are as follows:

Tuesday, Sept. 15:        Philadelphia                  KYW-TV        http://www.kyw.com/

Boscov's (Neshaminy Mall)                              11:00 AM - 1:00 PM

200 Neshaminy Avenue

Bensalem, PA 19020

Thursday, Sept. 17:      Pittsburgh                    KDKA-TV      http://www.kdka.com/

The Mall at Robinson                                       11:00 AM - 3:00 PM

100 Robinson Center Drive

Pittsburgh, PA 15205

Thursday, Sept. 24:      Greenville, S.C.            WSPA-TV       http://www.wspa.com/

Poinsett Auction and Realty                             9:00 AM - 12:00 PM

57 Smith Tractor Road

Travelers Rest, S.C. 29690

            AS THE WORLD TURNS tapes in Brooklyn, N.Y. and is broadcast on the CBS Television Network (check local listings). Christopher Goutman is the executive producer and Jean Passanante and David Kreizman make up the head writing team.

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'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' ADDS TWO TO CAST

Nasim Pedrad & Jenny Slate to Join as Featured Players

NEW YORK – September 10, 2009 – NBC's "Saturday Night Live" has added a pair of featured players, Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate. Pedrad trained with The Groundlings, a Los Angeles based improv comedy troupe, as well as at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. Slate, also an alumnus of the UCB, was previously seen in "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon's" parody sketch, "7th Floor West."

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NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' PREMIERES SEPTEMBER 26 WITH ACTRESS MEGAN FOX & GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING MUSICAL GUEST U2

New York, N.Y., September 10th, 2009.                   "Saturday Night Live," NBC's Emmy Award-winning late-night comedy showcase, enters its 35th season on Saturday, September 26 for another year of laughs, surprises and great performances. "SNL" premieres with one of Hollywood's most sought-after stars, Megan Fox, and Grammy award-winning musical guest U2.

Making her "SNL" debut as the season premiere host, Megan Fox is one of Hollywood's most popular young actresses. Fox stars in the upcoming comedic/horror thriller film, "Jennifer's Body." Fox is well known for her break out role in the box-office hit and Steven Spielberg-produced action film, "Transformers" and the second-installment, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen."

U2, the Grammy award-winning rock band, will make their third appearance on SNL. Earlier this year, U2 released their critically acclaimed twelfth studio album, "No Line On The Horizon," and are about to launch the U.S. portion of their 360˚Tour, performing two sold out nights at New York's Giant Stadium just before they perform on SNL. U2 has sold more than 145 million albums worldwide and have won 22 Grammy Awards, more than any other band.

Ryan Reynolds, who handles host duties October 3, recently starred in two of the most popular and highest grossing films of the year, "The Proposal," and the X-Men spin-off, "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". Reynolds has a wide array of film credits to his name, including "Adventureland," "Definitely Maybe," and cult favorite "Van Wilder." With back-to-back features on the horizon, Ryan Reynolds just finished production on the thriller "Buried," and can next be seen in the highly anticipated film "The Green Lantern" due out Summer 2011.

Making her "SNL" debut, Lady Gaga, the multi-talented singer-songwriter with a flair for theatrics will perform as the musical guest. Lady Gaga released her debut album "The Fame" in October 2008, and the album immediately peaked at number one in the United Kingdom and Canada, and has remained atop the Billboard U.S. Electronic Albums Chart. She is only the third artist in history to have three #1 hits from a debut album – "Just Dance," "Poker Face" and "LoveGame."

After many unforgettable stints on "SNL," Drew Barrymore returns for her sixth time on October 10. Barrymore first hosted "Saturday Night Live" on November 20, 1982 at seven years old, making history as the youngest host to ever appear on the show. Barrymore has had an illustrious film career and has received accolades for her comedic performances in "He's Just Not That Into You" and "The Wedding Singer." Drew recently received an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or a Movie in HBO's "Grey Gardens." This fall will mark Barrymore's feature film directorial debut with "Whip It," in which she also stars alongside SNL cast member Kristen Wiig.

An artist known for an uninhibited imagination and acute sense of detail both in music and words, Regina Spektor continues to showcase her amazing ability to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary on her latest critically acclaimed album "far," which debuted at #3 on the Billboard Top 200. Met with an overwhelming response from both fans and critics worldwide, The New York Times raves "far" is "[Spektor's] most ambitious work sonically and her storytelling is as elliptical as ever" while The UK Sunday Times agrees this is "her most accomplished, mystifying, eclectic and beautiful release to date. It doesn't just fly, it soars."

Actor Gerard Butler makes his SNL debut October 17. Butler, recognized for his portrayal of King Leonidas in "300," has also appeared in several other feature films including "Ugly Truth," "P.S. I Love You" and "The Phantom of the Opera." Butler can next be seen in "Law Abiding Citizen" due out October 16, "The Bounty" with SNL cast member Jason Sudeikis, and will lend his voice in the animated feature "How To Train Your Dragon."

International superstar Shakira boasts a string of chart-topping hits in both English and Spanish and sales of over 50 million records. Shakira continues to top the charts with her latest single, "She-Wolf" and her album out October 13th. Her last project, "Oral Fixation Volumes 1& 2," has sold in excess of 8 million albums worldwide with the singles "La Tortura and "Hips Don't Lie" having earned over 10 million digital downloads.

"Saturday Night Live" is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins and Marci Klein are producers. Ken Aymong is supervising producer. Seth Meyers is head writer. Don Roy King directs.

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LISTINGS FOR NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'

September 26 – Megan Fox/ U2

October 3 – Ryan Reynolds/ Lady Gaga

October 10 – Drew Barrymore/ Regina Spektor

October 17 – Gerard Butler/ Shakira

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PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA TO VISIT CBS's "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," MONDAY, SEPT. 21

New York, N.Y., September 15th, 2009.               President Barack Obama will visit the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Monday, Sept. 21 (11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. He will be the sole guest on the broadcast.

President Obama's appearance will mark the first by a sitting U.S. President on the LATE SHOW and his first visit back to the show since his election. In total, this will be President Obama's sixth visit to the broadcast - he last appeared on the LATE SHOW Sept. 10, 2008 during the height of his 2008 Presidential election campaign.

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FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON TO VISIT THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," TUESDAY, SEPT. 22

New York, N.Y., September 15th, 2009.                             Former President Bill Clinton will visit the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Tuesday, Sept. 22 (11:35 PM-12:37 AM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

            This marks Clinton's sixth appearance on the LATE SHOW. He last appeared on the broadcast exactly one year ago, Sept. 22, 2008, with previous visits on Sept. 4, 2007, June 16, 2005, Aug. 3, 2004, and Sept. 11, 2002 (the first anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks).

           He is promoting the 2009 Clinton Global Initiative annual meeting, which will take place in New York from Sept. 22 through Sept. 25. The Clinton Global Initiative is a forum which brings together global leaders to address world problems such as global public health, the alleviation of poverty and resolving religious and ethnic conflict.

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QUOTABLES FROM 'LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON' September 8 – September 11

"Back to school week here! The one week a year that pens are exciting."
"Yep, it's back to school week. Or as your parents call it, "having sex in the kitchen" week."

"During his speech to America's schoolchildren earlier today, President Obama said that "what you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country." "But no pressure.""

"The President also told the kids that if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, "But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.""

"In the speech Obama asked kids to "stay home from school" when they don't feel well. At that point the children gave Obama a ten-minute ovation."

"Congratulations to Judge Sonia Sotomayor. Today was her first day on the Supreme Court. It was so sweet, her parents waited with her at the bus stop… "Make friends!""

"Congratulations to ESPN on its 30th anniversary! That's 30 straight years of being the number-one cause of divorce in America. (Sport Center Theme)."

"A Civil War buff outside Pittsburgh accidentally fired a 2-pound cannonball through his neighbor's window. If you didn't get to see it – don't worry there'll be plenty of re-enactments."

"Archeologists in Jerusalem discovered an ancient wall, 26-feet-tall and over 3,000 years old. Well at least the wall's in Jerusalem, so there won't be any fighting over who it belongs to."

"This is interesting. Barack Obama's "Dreams From My Father" is the third most requested book by prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. Behind the Harry Potter books and, of course, number one, "Tunneling for Dummies.""

"Scientists in New Guinea just discovered a new species of rat that's over 30 inches long. Or as we call it here in New York - a baby."

"Happy happy 60th birthday to Disco-Star Gloria Gaynor. She celebrated as she does every year, by surviving."

"In Myanmar, an extremely rare forest turtle - that hadn't been seen in 15 years – was spotted by scientists yesterday. They found it four inches from where they saw it 15 years ago."

"And finally, the reality show Big Brother has been a surprise hit this summer, ranking number two, right after "America's Got Talent." So really, the two big hits this summer are America's Got Talent and No, It Doesn't."

"It's Wednesday, and it was a big night on television tonight. Instead of showing President Obama's healthcare speech that was on tonight Fox aired the season premiere of "So You Think You Can Dance." I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice between hearing what's wrong with our country and watching what's wrong with our country.
"Fox aired "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Glee." So you'll probably spend the next couple of days explaining the health care plan to your gay friends."

"President Obama gave his speech before a joint session of Congress. And College Students across the country held a "joint session" before watching it."

"Today, the long-awaited re-mastered editions of the Beatle's twelve studio albums were released. You know what song I love? That one that goes yellow, blue, yellow, yellow, red, green…"

"The University of Wyoming will open the new Dick Cheney Center for International students. Cheney is planning to attend and will take part in the ceremonial ribbon shooting."
"Yeah, the Dick Cheney Center for International Students…. It's just two buildings over from the George W. Bush Institute for Pretzel Safety."

"Claudia Schiffer appears topless on the cover of new issue of Tank magazine. You know – Tank magazine - that magazine that half my audience is Googling right… (look at watch)… now."

"Here in New York - six building inspectors were videotaped dealing cocaine at construction sites. Which explains why that hotel by my apartment got built in four days."
"We became suspicious when workers were seen Jack-Hammering without turning on the Jack-Hammer."

"A 94-year-old woman in Texas passed away last week, and her funeral was attended by almost 300 of her grandchildren. She died of complications from writing 300 checks for $5 every year."

"Forbes ranked "fishing" and "logging" as the world's two most dangerous jobs. Ironically, one of the safest jobs? Fish-logging. (In a notebook) "Okay, got two salmon there. Three carp. I'm missing a flounder. I'm missing a flounder.""

"And finally, Bernie Madoff's penthouse apartment in New York is on the market for 10 million dollars. It's a strange place… it starts with eight rooms, then it becomes six, then three, and then it disappears."

"Everybody's talking about the big healthcare speech last night. President Obama said that he "will not sign" a health care plan that adds "one dime" to the federal deficit. And then he interrupted himself and said, "you lie.""
"President Obama said he wants to bring affordable health insurance to every American. Joe Biden got really excited. He thought he was finally going to meet the Geico gecko."

"John McCain went on Larry King afterwards to talk about Obama's speech - and they just got carried reminiscing about the good old days when all the continents were connected."

"Hey, it's Fashion Week here in New York City. The streets are so packed, it took me an hour to strut to work this morning. (Struts and poses)."
"It's Fashion Week -- Or as I call it, "Gay Christmas.""
"I love Fashion Week -- Earlier today I saw PETA protesting Donald Trump's hair."
"Everybody's getting into the spirit—on the way to work I saw a rat making himself throw up."

"Did you guys see the Yankee game last night? In the 7th inning Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig's longstanding record of 2,721 hits. The most by any Yankee player! The Yankees marked the occasion by lowering ticket prices to 2,721 dollars."

"The NFL season began tonight in Pittsburgh! Harry Connick, Jr. sang the national anthem. Because nothing says "football" like Harry Connick Jr. (do impression of Harry Conick Jr. singing "Are you ready for some football" in slow-jazz style)"
"It was the first time in history that people made out during the national anthem."

"Susan Boyle will make her US singing debut on the season finale of America's Got Talent next Wednesday. You know the old saying, "Strike while the iron still warm…. but cooling.""

"Happy Birthday to golfing legend Arnold Palmer, who turned 80 today. Though he says he only feels half his age, and half lemonade."

"Congratulations to Nicole Richie who had a baby boy on Wednesday. She named him Sparrow James Midnight. Then, after she named the baby, she carefully removed all three darts from the dictionary."
"The baby weighs 8 pounds and 2 ounces… more than Nicole."

"Lancaster, Pennsylvania – which has one of the largest Amish populations in the country – will soon have 165 surveillance cameras around the entire town. Of course, an Amish surveillance camera is just a guy in a tree with a sketch-pad."

"A man in Florida was arrested this week for throwing jellyfish at teenagers. He's also facing charges for carrying a congealed weapon."

"And finally, Ellen DeGeneres announced last night that she will replace Paula Adbul on American Idol. Ellen seems confident about replacing Paula but, I don't know, she's got some pretty big prescriptions to fill."

"President Obama is continuing to push hard for his healthcare plan…. On Sunday night, Obama will be interviewed on "60 Minutes." Or as he calls it, the "death panel.""

"32.1 million people watched President Obama's speech to Congress on Wednesday – down 20 million viewers from his last speech to Congress. But, to improve ratings for the next one, Obama will replace Nancy Pelosi with Ellen."

"Paula Abdul went on twitter yesterday and said she thinks Ellen Degeneres would be a great as the new judge on "American Idol." Then Joe Wilson tweeted, "you lie.""

"Congratulations to Michael Jordan who was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame today. It was an awkward ceremony. Halfway through Jordan's speech, he left and tried to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame, and he then came back like nothing happened."

"International athletic officials said that Caster Semenya, who won the 800-meter race at the World Championships- you know she's been accused of being a hermaphrodite- will keep her title because she hasn't been accused of drug abuse. It's hard to know what to believe- it's one of those "he said, she said" things and I don't want to get involved."

"A baby boy was born in Wisconsin on Wednesday, September 9th, thats 9/9/09, at 9:09 am, weighing 9 pounds, 9 ounces. That's gotta suck, doing the coolest thing you'll ever accomplish in life right when you're born."
"They named him Seven. That was cute."

"Jon Gosselin said that he and Kate went to one session of marriage counseling with Dr. Phil. That must have been something to see. Dr. Phil barely makes sense to smart people. (Dr. Phil) "Look, you can't just build a robot out of Kleenex and then send it out in the rain and expect your marriage to work, it's just not that simple.""

"The NFL season last night...it was an amazing game - both the Titans and the Steelers managed to play for three hours without anyone being arrested for dogfighting, shooting themselves in the leg, or choking Tila Tequila."

"And finally, happy birthday to Ludacris - who turned 32 today. He celebrated quietly at home with his brothers Absurd and Preposterous."

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THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "South Carolina Representative Joe Wilson Excuses"

As presented on the Thursday, Sept. 10 broadcast

10.       "Shouldn't have gone tailgating before the speech."

9.         "Ashton Kutcher put me up to it."

8.         "Was trying to impress that hellcat Nancy Pelosi."

7.         "Thought I was in the audience at Maury."

6.         "Uh...Swine flu?"

5.         "I'm an idiot."

4.         "Yeah, I accused a politician of lying. What was I thinking?"

3.         "I thought it was a roast."

2.         "It's been weeks since a Republican politician embarrassed the state of South Carolina."

1.         "Nobody cared when McCain yelled, ‘Bingo!'"

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