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Headlines & Links For Thursday, September 18th, 2008.

FOX SEALS DEAL WITH CHEF GORDON RAMSAY           FOX has sealed a new deal with world-renowned Chef Gordon Ramsay.       (Read More)

NBC.COM TAKES HOME EMMY FOR 'HEROES'           NBC.com took home its first Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Achievement in Interactive Media for the "Heroes" and "Heroes" Evolutions sites.       (Read More)

"One Tree Hill" And The USO Team-Up To Offer Marines And Viewers A Unique Concert Experience           One Tree Hill and The USO have joined forces to offer Marines and fans of the show a unique “USOTH” concert experience.       (Read More)

Smallville Wins An Emmy Award           Congratulations to Smallville for its Emmy win for Sound Editing for a Series for the episode Bizarro.       (Read More)

 

AUDRINA PATRIDGE TO GUEST-STAR ON “MADtv” SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, ON FOX               Audrina Patridge, star of “The Hills,” will make a special guest appearance on an all-new episode of MADtv Saturday, Sept. 20 (11:00 PM-Midnight ET/PT) on FOX.       (Read More)

ABC.COM PRESENTS "ROAD TO THE 60TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS," HOSTED BY CHRIS HARRISON               The ABC Digital Media Original Production Is Now Available Online at ABC.com.       (Read More)

NBC.COM ANNOUNCES NEW FALL CONTENT             NBC.com today announced its new content for the fall season.       (Read More)

DISNEY-ABC TELEVISION GROUP CAPTURES 10 CREATIVE ARTS EMMY AWARDS                "Jimmy Kimmel Live" Wins Its First Emmys Ever for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics and Picture Editing of Clip Packages for Internet Sensation "I'm F***ing Matt Damon"       (Read More)

ICONIC SETS FROM MANY OF TV'S GREATEST SHOWS TO BE INCORPORATED INTO STAGE DESIGNS FOR "THE 60TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS," AIRING SEPTEMBER 21                Featured Shows Include "Desperate Housewives," "Seinfeld," "The Simpsons" and "M*A*S*H".       (Read More)

"JIMMY KIMMEL'S BIG NIGHT OF STARS" PRESENTS A PRE-EMMY SPECIAL EATURING MICHAEL PHELPS, SALMA HAYEK, TRACY MORGAN AND THE TEAM OF EMMY HOSTS, TO AIR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 ON ABC               Plus Cameo Appearances by Barbara Walters, Martin Short, Jon Hamm, Kobe Bryant, Rachael Ray, William Shatner, Regis Philbin and many more.       (Read More)

"THE 63RD ANNUAL TONY AWARDS" TO BE BROADCAST IN A THREE-HOUR CEREMONY LIVE FROM RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL, SUNDAY, JUNE 7 ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK               THE 63RD ANNUAL TONY AWARDS will be broadcast live from Radio City Music Hall, Sunday, June 7 (8:00-11:00 PM, live ET/delayed PT) on the CBS Television Network.       (Read More)

CBS Sports has announced its college football game for Saturday, Sept. 27 (3:30-7:00 PM, ET)               CBS Sports has announced its college football game for Saturday, Sept. 27 (3:30-7:00 PM, ET) which will feature *No. 10-ranked Auburn hosting Tennessee.       (Read More)

NBC PRESENTS 16 HOURS OF EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE OF 37th RYDER CUP             NBC Sports will broadcast live HD coverage of the 37th Ryder Cup Saturday, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. ET and Sunday Noon-6 p.m., from Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville, Ky. NBC will produce 26 hours in all, including ESPN's Friday coverage.       (Read More)

JAMAICAN OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD MULTI-GOLD MEDALIST USAIN BOLT TO MAKE HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON CBS's "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 24.                           Jamaican Olympic Men's Track and Field phenomenon Usain Bolt, who took home three gold medals and broke three world records at the Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, talks about his accomplishments when he makes his first visit to the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Wednesday, Sept. 24.       (Read More)

'THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO' LISTINGS       (Read More)

 

UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK       (Read More)

 

LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'       (Read More)

 

UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK       (Read More)

 

LISTINGS FOR 'LAST CALL WITH CARSON DALY'       (Read More)

 

LISTINGS FOR NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'       (Read More)

OPENING REMARKS FROM THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK (Monday, Sept. 8-Friday, Sept. 12)       (Read More)

QUOTABLES FROM NBC'S 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'    SEPTEMBER 8 – SEPTEMBER 12       (Read More)

QUOTABLES FROM 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH AMY POEHLER & SETH MEYERS' SEPTEMBER 13, 2008       (Read More)

 

THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Reasons I Like Being an Actor"       (Read More)

 

FOX SEALS DEAL WITH CHEF GORDON RAMSAY 

Los Angeles, Ca., September 12th, 2008.           FOX has sealed a new deal with world-renowned Chef Gordon Ramsay. The arrangement will keep Ramsay at the network for several more years and includes an agreement to produce two more installments of the sizzling series HELL’S KITCHEN, another season of KITCHEN NIGHTMARES, a yet-to-be determined special and another series.

“Gordon has done an amazing job of creating exciting franchises for FOX,” said Mike Darnell, President, Alternative Entertainment. “From the first time I met him, it was clear that he would be a big star in America. He has become one of the ‘faces of FOX,’ and we're thrilled that he will be on our network for years to come.”

In HELL’S KITCHEN, hot-tempered chef Gordon Ramsay turns up the heat as he puts wannabe chefs through a culinary boot camp as they try to slice and dice their way to the top. HELL’S KITCHEN 5 is scheduled to air midseason. Season Four of HELL’S KITCHEN finished as the highest-rated season in the show’s history, ranking No. 1 for Summer 2008 among Adults 18-49.

KITCHEN NIGHTMARES explores the softer side of Ramsay where he attempts to turn one ordinary and empty restaurant into the most popular, sought-after venue in town. Chef Ramsay coaches, cheers and challenges the restaurant staff, all the way from appetizers through dessert. KITCHEN NIGHTMARES currently airs Thursdays (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX.

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NBC.COM TAKES HOME EMMY FOR 'HEROES'

BURBANK, Calif. – September 15, 2008.              NBC.com took home its first Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Achievement in Interactive Media for the "Heroes" and "Heroes" Evolutions sites. The site had four total nominations. It was announced at the Creative Arts ceremony in Los Angeles on Saturday, September 13th.

"We couldn't have done this without the incredible teams involved," said Vivi Zigler, President, NBC Universal Digital Entertainment. "From the creators and producers of 'Heroes' and our incredibly supportive colleagues at Universal Media Studios to all of the team members at NBC.com, everyone involved really got behind the project to give our fans the very best entertainment experience."

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“ONE TREE HILL” AND THE USO TEAM UP TO OFFER MARINES AND VIEWERS A UNIQUE CONCERT EXPERIENCE, “USOTH,” ON SEPTEMBER 19 IN JACKSONVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA

Burbank, Ca., September 15, 2008.            One Tree Hill and The USO have joined forces to offer Marines and fans of the show a unique “USOTH” concert experience.  The CW’s hit drama series will film a live concert featuring Angels & Airwaves, with military personnel in attendance at the Marine Corps Air Station New River in Jacksonville, North Carolina on Friday, September 19.

 

In a case of life imitating art, the One Tree Hill / USO concert will be integrated into a storyline on the November 10 episode in which Peyton (Hilarie Burton), owner of her own record label, produces a USO concert at a Marine base where her brother is stationed.  Cast members will be in attendance, and anyone with a military I.D. is invited to attend the concert.

 

Alternative rock group Angels & Airwaves, One Tree Hill star Bethany Joy Galeotti, featuring Enation, and recurring guest star Kate Voegele, currently on a nationwide University of Phoenix Tour, are the featured performers of “USOTH.”

 

“Our best days at One Tree Hill are days when we can give back, so we’re thrilled to be able to bring a night of great music and entertainment to the Marine Corps Air Station New River, and to all members of the Department Of Defense who selflessly protect and defend the country we love,” said executive producer Mark Schwahn.  “We’re appreciative not only to the artists who are donating their time and talents, but also to the USO and the military personnel who have worked with us to make this event a reality.”

 

“We are looking forward to having this unique event offer an opportunity for the Marines and families to have some fun while also building morale as they enjoy the concert and experience the filming of a television show,” said Col. Darrell Thacker, Jr., Commanding Officer of Marine Corps Air Station New River.

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SMALLVILLE WINS EMMY!

Los Angeles, Ca.,  September 15, 2008.             Congratulations to Smallville for its Emmy win for Sound Editing for a Series for the episode Bizarro. The winning crew includes Michael E. Lawshe, supervising sound editor; Norval “Charlie” Crutcher III, supervising ADR Editor; Jessica Dixon, dialogue editor; Marc Meyer, supervising sound effects editor; Timothy Cleveland, sound effects editor; Paul Diller, sound effects editor; Albert Gomez, sound effects editor; Casey Crabtree, foley artist; Michael Crabtree, foley artist; and Chris McGeary, music editor.

 

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AUDRINA PATRIDGE TO GUEST-STAR ON “MADtv” SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, ON FOX

 

Los Angeles, Ca.,  Thursday, Sept. 11, 2008.              Audrina Patridge, star of “The Hills,” will make a special guest appearance on an all-new episode of MADtv Saturday, Sept. 20 (11:00 PM-Midnight ET/PT) on FOX. In the hilarious sketch “Audrina Brings the Drama,” Patridge visits the set and within a matter of minutes, turns the MADtv cast members against each other and raises late-night drama to new levels.

 

Patridge made her small-screen debut in 2005 as the fun and outgoing friend on the MTV series, “The Hills,” a reality show documenting the lives of four young girls trying to make their mark in Los Angeles. She recently completed production on her first film, “Into the Blue 2: The Reef,” starring opposite Chris Carmack and Laura Vandervoort. Originally from Downey, CA, Patridge now lives in Los Angeles.

 

Patridge also makes a guest appearance as a patron of “The Inn,” one of New York City’s hottest and hippest hotels, on an episode of the new FOX comedy DO NOT DISTURB Wednesday, Sept. 17 (9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT).

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ABC.COM PRESENTS "ROAD TO THE 60TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS," HOSTED BY CHRIS HARRISON

New York, N.Y.,  September 15th, 2008.               The ABC Digital Media Original Production Is Now Available Online at ABC.com. Other Online and Mobile Platforms Dedicated to expanding its network and channel brands across multiple platforms and connecting viewers with their favorite shows anytime and anywhere, Disney-ABC Television Group announced today that it is offering daily coverage leading up to the Primetime Emmy Awards with "Road to the 60th Primetime Emmy Awards" on ABC.com. Hosted by Chris Harrison, the original online coverage will include daily shows with new segments premiering every day through Monday, Sept. 22.

Harrison, host of ABC's popular romance series "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette," will take television fans behind the scenes of their favorite shows and interview the stars as they gear up for the biggest night in television.

ABC.com's "Road To The 60th Primetime Emmy Awards" will also cover all Emmy related events and parties that take place during the week plus feature exclusive interviews and rehearsal footage as Hollywood gets ready to celebrate 60 years of great television. Fashion trends and breaking news will also be included in each daily show along with interviews from today's top designers who are dressing the stars for the red carpet. The final show will highlight the big winners of the night, must see moments from the Emmy broadcast, exclusive ABC.com backstage "Thank You Cam" footage and action from the red carpet.

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NBC.COM ANNOUNCES NEW FALL CONTENT
 
BURBANK, Ca. – September 16, 2008.             NBC.com today announced its new content for the fall season. Each new NBC Entertainment show will launch with robust digital entertainment offerings. Each returning show's digital extensions will benefit from the significant evolution of material, which incorporates heavy feedback from the users. The announcement was made by Vivi Zigler, President, NBC Universal Digital Entertainment.

"NBC.com's content offering continues to grow exponentially - there is truly something for everyone," said Zigler. "The fans are interacting and having fun with their favorite NBC shows as they've never been able to before."

A description of the fall digital entertainment offerings on NBC.com follow:

"America's Toughest Jobs" – The site features exclusive deleted and bonus scenes, plus extended contestant profiles.

"The Biggest Loser" – In addition to the recently announced "Biggest Loser League," fans will find extended versions of the elimination scenes, exclusive weekly bonus scenes, a new season of Alison McSweeny's blog and recipes from Rocco deSpirito.

"Chuck" – NBC.com will premiere the "Chuck" webisodes this fall. Additionally, the site will feature an interactive social network experience for fans - Inside Buy More - which includes games, quizzes and career advice from Big Mike.

"Crusoe" – The site will offer weekly exclusive "making of" featurettes focusing on Crusoe's tree house, gadgets, locations and costumes.

"Deal or No Deal" – The site features a weekly Beat the Banker interactive game as well as a new season of the snarky Banker Blog.

"ER" – For the final season, the site will feature an "ER Remembered" section featuring favorite moments, user polls, memorable characters and synopses of every season up until now.

"Heroes" – The perennial favorite will have more of everything fans love – more micro-sites which delve into secrets revealed on air, more graphic novels, more cast commentaries and more popular webisodes in December. A special heroes versus villians social networking experience launches in October.

"Kath & Kim" – This site will feature an "Are you a Kath or a Kim?" quiz, Kath and Kim paper dolls for users to dress and exclusive "Wine Time" webisodes where the characters dish on tabloid headlines.

"Knight Rider" – Fans will be able to investigate the back stories of some of their favorite characters in the Knight Industries micro-site. Plus, a new behind-the-scenes production blog featuring the writing staff and Billy's Blog will provide even more insight. Additionally, users will find an all-new KITT game and interactive Attack KITT and KITT cave.

"Law & Order: SVU" – Users are able to go behind the scenes with the weekly production blog and find answers to fans' burning questions.

"Life" – The site will feature Ted Early's Blog, which Ted is keeping as research on his book about life inside and outside of prison with Charlie Crews. A user - generated Conspiracy Wall went live this summer with weekly updates: http://www.nbc.com/Life/exclusives/conspiracy_theories/gallery.shtml

"Lipstick Jungle" – Every month, fans will discover a new issue of the web-only Bonfire Magazine, this season featuring models from The Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency. The site will also continue to offer the "Get the Look" fashion feature, where fans can click to buy the looks from the show.

"My Name is Earl" – This season will feature Randy's blog and special features tied to specific episodes.

"My Own Worst Enemy" – The site will include a Janus Corporation micro-site which will give fans access to more information on the agents. Exclusive webisodes will introduce a new character trying to unravel the Janus/ AJ Sun conspiracy.

"The Office" – It's Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2.0! The social network will feature new branches, new tasks and new prizes. Additionally, the site will include a new Meredith blog, Angela and Andy's wedding planning micro-site, a Serenity by Jan micro-site, ongoing updates to fan favorite the Quotes game and Office trivia, weekly deleted scenes and the second installment of webisodes slated for November.

"30 Rock" – This season features the popular Kenneth the Page weekly webisodes, more "Ask Tina" video responses, "Under the Bleachers with John Riggi" which will spotlight weekly guest stars and a new feature – "Ask Tracy Jordan," in which Tracy gives users his own unique brand of advice.

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DISNEY-ABC TELEVISION GROUP CAPTURES 10 CREATIVE ARTS EMMY AWARDS

New York, N.Y.,  September 15th, 2008.               * "Jimmy Kimmel Live" Wins Its First Emmys Ever for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics and Picture Editing of Clip Packages for Internet Sensation "I'm F***ing Matt Damon";

* ABC Studios Series Recognized with Four Awards;

* Disney Channel Games Digital Media Event Captures Interactive Media Programming Award At the 60th Annual Creative Arts Primetime Emmy Award ceremonies, held on Saturday, September 13, Disney-ABC Television Group was honored with 10 Emmy Awards, reflecting wins for ABC, ABC Studios and Disney Channel programming. ABC Network garnered nine Emmys, the most for any broadcast network, with ABC Studios series capturing four of the nine awards.
    
Variety series "Jimmy Kimmel Live" won two Emmy Awards, its first ever, for Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics, and for Picture Editing of Clip Packages for Talk, Performance, Award or Reality-Competition Program for the Internet sensation "I'm F***ing Matt Damon."

"Pushing Daisies" won two awards for Outstanding Picture Editing for a Comedy Series and Outstanding Music Composition. "Dancing with the Stars" also triumphed with two statues for Outstanding Technical Direction Camerawork, Video Control for a Miniseries, Movie or Special and Outstanding Makeup for a Multi-Camera Series or a Special (Non-Prosthetic).

ABC Studios series "Lost" won a Sound Mixing for a Comedy or Drama Series Emmy.

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ICONIC SETS FROM MANY OF TV'S GREATEST SHOWS TO BE INCORPORATED INTO STAGE DESIGNS FOR "THE 60TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS," AIRING SEPTEMBER 21

New York, N.Y.,  September 15th, 2008.               Featured Shows Include "Desperate Housewives," "Seinfeld," "The Simpsons" and "M*A*S*H," Among Others To help celebrate the Emmy Awards' 60th Anniversary, some of the most iconic sets from television's greatest shows will be recreated on stage at the NOKIA Theatre as part of "The 60th Primetime Emmy Awards," airing live on SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 (8:00-11:00 p.m., ET/PT) on ABC.
 
At certain parts of the ceremony when returning from commercials, viewers will discover some of the most beloved show sets incorporated into the overall Emmy set design. Featured shows will include "Desperate Housewives," "Seinfeld," "The Simpsons," "The West Wing" and "M*A*S*H," among others.

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"JIMMY KIMMEL'S BIG NIGHT OF STARS" PRESENTS A PRE-EMMY SPECIAL EATURING MICHAEL PHELPS, SALMA HAYEK, TRACY MORGAN AND THE TEAM OF EMMY HOSTS, TO AIR SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 ON ABC

New York, N.Y.,  September 15th, 2008.               Plus Cameo Appearances by Barbara Walters, Martin Short, Jon Hamm, Kobe Bryant, Rachael Ray, William Shatner, Regis Philbin and many more in a primetime television event featuring celebrities from the world of television, sports, film and music, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel presents "Jimmy Kimmel's Big Night of Stars," a pre-Emmy Awards special in which he gets up close and personal with 14-time Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps, Academy Award nominee Salma Hayek, comedian Tracy Morgan and all five of the Best Host nominees, Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest -- airing SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 (7:00-8:00 p.m., ET/PT) on ABC.

In this hour-long special, Jimmy steps out of his studio to spend one-on-one quality time with each celebrity, delving deep to pose the hard-hitting questions few broadcasters dare to ask. With a rare introduction from Barbara Walters, Jimmy's primetime show goes on-location with the stars, including finding Michael Phelps making a rare cameo appearance on the set of hit show "Grey's Anatomy." Plus, with the help of numerous celebrity friends, Jimmy answers the age-old question of just how Emmy Award nominees get notified of their honor.

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"THE 63RD ANNUAL TONY AWARDS" TO BE BROADCAST IN A THREE-HOUR CEREMONY LIVE FROM RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL, SUNDAY, JUNE 7 ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

New York, N.Y.,  September 11th, 2008.               THE 63RD ANNUAL TONY AWARDS will be broadcast live from Radio City Music Hall, Sunday, June 7 (8:00-11:00 PM, live ET/delayed PT) on the CBS Television Network.  The awards honor theater professionals for distinguished achievement on Broadway. 

Next year marks the 63rd anniversary of the Tony Awards, which were first held on April 6, 1947 at the Waldorf Astoria's Grand Ballroom.  It will be the 12th year that the historic Radio City Music Hall is home to the Tonys.  The ceremonies are presented by Tony Award Productions, which is a joint venture of the League of American Theatres and Producers and the American Theatre Wing, which founded the Tonys in 1947. 

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CBS Sports has announced its college football game for Saturday, Sept. 27 (3:30-7:00 PM, ET).

New York, N.Y.,  September 11th, 2008.               CBS Sports has announced its college football game for Saturday, Sept. 27 (3:30-7:00 PM, ET) which will feature *No. 10-ranked Auburn hosting Tennessee. Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson will call the contest, along with reporter Tracy Wolfson. COLLEGE FOOTBALL TODAY kicks off the day (3:00 PM, ET) with host Tim Brando and analyst Spencer Tillman. The Tennessee-Auburn contest will be available in HDTV.

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NBC PRESENTS 16 HOURS OF EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE OF 37th RYDER CUP

NEW YORK, N.Y. September 16, 2008.             NBC Sports will broadcast live HD coverage of the 37th Ryder Cup Saturday, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. ET and Sunday Noon-6 p.m., from Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville, Ky. NBC will produce 26 hours in all, including ESPN's Friday coverage.

The U.S. team, having lost the last three Ryder Cup competitions, is seeking its first victory since 1999. U.S. captain Paul Azinger's squad is led by Phil Mickelson, Jim Furyk and '99 Ryder Cup hero Justin Leonard. Sergio Garcia, Paul Casey and Padraig Harrington, highlight the European team, which is captained by Nick Faldo. Europe dominated the United States at the 2006 Ryder Cup held at The K Club in Kildare, Ireland. At Brookline, Mass., in 1999, the U.S. staged a dramatic comeback in winning its lone Ryder Cup in the last six tries.

Dan Hicks (host) and Johnny Miller (analyst) will anchor NBC's coverage from the 18th tower. They are joined by tower reporters Gary Koch and Bob Murphy; course reporters Roger Maltbie, Mark Rolfing and Dottie Pepper; and interviewer/essayist Jimmy Roberts. NBC's golf coverage is produced by Tommy Roy, one of the most honored producers in sports television history.

Broadcast times are as follows:

Friday: Foursome & Four-ball Matches, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. ET, ESPN (produced by NBC)
Saturday: Foursome & Four-ball Matches, 8 a.m.-6 p.m. ET, NBC
Sunday: Singles Matches, Noon-6 p.m. ET, NBC

NBC Sports hosted a conference call to preview its Ryder Cup coverage with Hicks, Miller, and Pepper. Following are highlights from the call:

MILLER ON RYDER CUP PRESSURE: "The pressure is amazing at the Ryder Cup -- higher than any other event in all of golf."

PEPPER ON PLAYING FOR TEAM AND COUNTRY: "From my standpoint, I thought it was about the coolest thing you could ever experience. Having someone out there literally shoulder to shoulder with you and pulling for you was one of the most remarkable experiences of my career. Having a team and being able to play for your country all wound up in one is unbelievable, an incredible three-day experience that is something I just don't think you can really appreciate it until you've been there and you've felt like you were going to throw up on the first tee and would do anything for your partner. It is an incredible experience.

"My Solheim Cup experience is something that I wouldn't trade for anything. I think the opportunity to play for your team, and I think more importantly, your country, is a very special opportunity."

MILLER ON THE IMPORTANCE OF STARTING WELL: "The Europeans are more aggressive and they tend to have more camaraderie. They come out on Friday like they are in the third or fourth round of a tournament, in other words, they come out on Friday just smoking. If the U.S. wants to win, somehow Azinger has got to get the U.S. around level with them score-wise by Friday afternoon."

MILLER ON THE EUROPEAN TEAM: "The Euros are the favorites, there are no ifs, ands or butts about it. They have earned that right."

HICKS ON THE EUROPEAN'S SUCCESS: "The Europeans have a lot of confidence, but again, this is sports. The Europeans will say 'forget about magic formulas, destiny and all that mystical stuff, we play better than the Americans.' And I couldn't agree more. They got it done on the golf course where it matters, and now it's time for the U.S. to step up and reclaim their turf."

MILLER PREDICTS A U.S. VICTORY: "I think the U.S. is going to win. Without Tiger there, it surely isn't going to be easy, but if you're a gambler, a statistician could say, 'How can Europe keep making all these putts?' It's time, really, for the U.S. If you were just a betting man, the odds are the putting is going to flip flop in the U.S.'s direction. The hunch I have is that the U.S. will come out and probably swing better, and I think if they make a few more putts it's going to be really close. I think this Ryder Cup will be right down to the wire. That's my hope. That's what it's going to take. The U.S. is going to have to out-putt this mighty Euro team. On paper, they are a better team, not just with the momentum of golf, but with what they have done lately. These days, they're a better team than the U.S. without Tiger there, no doubt."

HICKS ON RYDER CUP: "I always look forward to the Ryder Cup. It's one of the special sporting events, not just in golf, but in all of sports."

PEPPER ON COVERING A RYDER CUP: "It's a very, very special event, the way NBC applies so much effort and thoroughness to covering match play -- something that frankly we don't get a chance to see a whole lot of. I think it is particularly exciting in the way you can feel the drama building through the audio and through the pictures that are presented. It's just such a special opportunity to be there and actually feel it as a walking, on-course reporter."

MILLER ON AZINGER'S PERSONALITY: "Azinger has only got one kind of camaraderie, and that's like Al Davis, and that's just win. I guarantee you that. There are other captains, including Nicklaus, who want to win, but they're very gracious. Paul's strength is winning, not necessarily the gracious end of it. So this is a little bit like going back to '91, when they tore up the 'war by the shore.' I think this is the closest to '91, which is probably the greatest televised event in the history of golf. I think they're at that point where they're fairly desperate and they're going to scratch and claw, and they got the right captain to do it."

PEPPER ON HOW THE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE: "I believe this crowd at Valhalla is going to be the 13th man on this team. I just think we are going to witness a crowd we haven't seen in a very long time."

PEPPER ON KENTUCKY NATIVE J.B. HOLMES: "It's going to be very important to get the crowd fired up on Friday morning and get them into it. I'd send out my local connection in a hurry and really get him fired up."

MILLER ON MICKELSON: "Phil's going to have to step up. Phil's got to be Phil. Phil has got to just have a hot week. I think it really revolves around Phil and Furyk. If those two don't lead these younger guys with good camaraderie in the team room, I think the U.S. is really at a tough time."

HICKS ON ANTHONY KIM: "Kim has got the right stuff. He's a fireball. He's all about winning. He's a little like you Dottie. I think Anthony Kim is impressive, not only talent wise, but extremely competitive, and that's only going to help him at an event like the Ryder Cup."

PEPPER ON KIM: "I happen to really like the guy. I like the way he went about making it such a goal of his to make this team. I mentioned last week when we were on the air that I had the opportunity to walk a few holes with him at the Open at Torrey Pines in a practice round. He was talking about his schedule, and I believe he was playing in nine of the next 11 events in an effort to make that team out there."

PEPPER ON HUNTER MAHAN: "I think he went through a tough time with what was said around the time of the PGA Championship, but I think he's proved more than his mettle last year at the Presidents Cup, and I think he's a great young American player who you're going to see with a lot of Ryder Cup experience by the time he's all done."

HICKS ON MAHAN: "I don't care how he downplays his comments that Dottie referred to at the PGA Championship, there's going to be a little microscope on him because this Ryder Cup event doesn't forget -- it's covered by more media and more people and I think that's going to follow him around at the Ryder Cup a little bit unless he gets off to a great start. He's got a great game. I would certainly consider him one of the great rising American stars. I know he's recanted a bit, but this is the kind of event where all the newspapers, not only here but across the pond, they're going to be watching Hunter Mahan to see how he handles the whole thing."

MILLER ON STRICKER: "It would be hard for me to pick anybody that I like better than Stricker, because he's a putter and he can make pressure putts. He's a great team member, and he's a wonderful person. He has a calmness to him and a peace about him. He has got the perfect match play kind of game and I think that the U.S. really needs a greater performance out of him."

MILLER ON AZINGER'S CAPTAIN'S PICKS: "His picks, if you ask me, were OK. I personally would have gone with a couple other players. I probably would have gone for Verplank because he can win under pressure. And if I didn't go for Verplank, I'd go with Rocco and Snedeker because they're great team guys with a lot of energy. I surely would have put Zach Johnson ahead of Holmes and Campbell. As far as his picks, he might be a genius. It's sort of like Baskin Robins and arguing about flavors."

The Teams:

Eight players were chosen for the U.S. team based on Ryder Cup point standings with the roster completed with the addition of four captain's picks. Ten players automatically qualified for the European squad, with two captain's selections.

The U.S. team, captained by Paul Azinger, is comprised of: Phil Mickelson, Stewart Cink, Kenny Perry, Jim Furyk, Anthony Kim, Justin Leonard, Ben Curtis, Boo Weekley and captain's selections Chad Campbell, J.B. Holmes, Hunter Mahan and Steve Stricker.

The European team, captained by Nick Faldo, is comprised of: Sergio Garcia, Padraig Harrington, Henrik Stenson, Lee Westwood, Soren Hansen, Miguel Angel Jimenez, Robert Karlsson, Justin Rose, Oliver Wilson, Graeme McDowell and captain's selections Paul Casey and Ian Poulter.

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JAMAICAN OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD MULTI-GOLD MEDALIST USAIN BOLT TO MAKE HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON CBS's "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN," WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 24.

New York, N.Y.,  September 11th, 2008.                           Jamaican Olympic Men's Track and Field phenomenon Usain Bolt, who took home three gold medals and broke three world records at the Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, talks about his accomplishments when he makes his first visit to the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN, Wednesday, Sept. 24.  This will be Bolt's first U.S. talk show appearance and first appearance on late night television.

            Bolt claimed the title of "Fastest Man Alive" after winning gold and breaking world and Olympic records in the Men's 100 Meter final (9.69 seconds), the Men's 200 Meter final (19.30 seconds) and, along with his Jamaican teammates, the Men's 4x100 Meter relay (37.10 seconds).  Bolt became the first man in history to set world records in all three Track and Field events at a single Olympics and also the first man to win these three events at a single Olympics since U.S. Track and Field star Carl Lewis in 1984.

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'THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO' LISTINGS

Thursday, September 18 – Guests include Dane Cook, Kristen Bell and musical guest Hawthorne Heights

Friday, September 19 – Guests include Brooke Shields and Dolly Parton

Monday, September 22 – Guests include Charlize Theron, Little Britain and musical guest My Morning Jacket

Tuesday, September 23 – Guests include Wanda Sykes, Zach Levi and musical guest Glen Campbell

Wednesday, September 24 – Guests include Dr. Phil McGraw, Kevin Farley and musical guest Plain White T's

Thursday, September 25 – Guests include Lisa Lampanelli and musical guest The Hives

Friday, September 26 – Guests include Jimmy Kimmel and musical guest Jennifer Hudson

Monday, September 29 – Guests include Russell Crowe, Robert Wagner and musical guest Lang Lang

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

Thursday, Sept. 18                               Actor Seth Rogen; musical guests Fleet Foxes

Friday, Sept. 19                                   Actor Robin Williams; actress Shannen Doherty; musical guest Duffy

*Monday, Sept. 22                             Actor/comedian Chris Rock; author Bob Woodward; musical guests TV on the Radio

Tuesday, Sept. 23                                Actress Julianne Moore; comedians Tom Dreesen and Tim Reid; musical guests Kings of Leon

Wednesday, Sept. 24                           Actress Calista Flockhart; Jamaican Olympic Track and Field gold medalist Usain Bolt

Thursday, Sept. 25                               Reality television star Paris Hilton; director Guy Ritchie; musical guests Morningwood  

Friday, Sept. 26                                Actress Kristen Wiig  

Monday, Sept. 29                             Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus; actor Michael Cera; musical guest Pete Seeger

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LISTINGS FOR 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'

Wednesday, September 10 – Show 2634 – Guests include Curtis Jackson, Kaitlin Olson, and musical guest Gym Class Heroes

Thursday, September 11 – Show 2635 – Guests include Serena Williams, Amy Sedaris, musical guest Meiko

Friday, September 12 – Show 2636 – Guests include Eva Mendes and musical guest The Fab Faux

Monday, September 15 – Show 2637 – Guests include Samuel L. Jackson, Ricky Gervais, and musical guest Marc Broussard

Tuesday, September 16 – Show 2638 – Guests include Martha Stewart, Harland Williams, and musical guest Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson

Wednesday, September 17 – Show 2639 – Guests include Ray Liotta and Loudon Wainwright III

Thursday, September 18 – Show 2640 - Guests include Willie Nelson and musical guest Southside Johnny with La Bamba's Big Band

Friday, September 19 – Show 2641 – Guests include Ice-T (NBC's "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit"), Dwayne Wade, and Shane Mauss

Monday, September 22 – Show 2642 – Guests include Diane Lane and Patton Oswalt

Tuesday, September 23 – Show 2643 – Guests include Billy Bob Thorton

Wednesday, September 24 – Show 2644 – Guests include Jamie Pressly (NBC's "My Name Is Earl"), Little Britain, and musical guest Lenka

Thursday, September 25 – Show 2645 – Guests include Julianne Moore, Zachary Levi (NBC's "Chuck"), and musical guest Jakob Dylan

Friday, September 26 – Show 2646 – Guest include Brooke Shields (NBC's "Lipstick Jungle"), and musical guest Amos Lee

 

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UPCOMING GUESTS ON "THE LATE LATE SHOW with CRAIG FERGUSON" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

Thursday, Sept. 18               Actor Jason Segel from the CBS comedy series "How I Met Your Mother"; comedian Steve Hofstetter

Friday, Sept. 19                       Actress Kristen Bell; actor Josh Radnor from the CBS comedy series "How I Met Your Mother"

Monday, Sept. 22                    Actor Denis Leary; actress Marianne Jean-Baptiste from the CBS drama series "Without a Trace"

*Tuesday, Sept. 23                Actor John Krasinski; Dr. Lisa Masterson from the talk show series "The Doctors"

*Wednesday, Sept. 24           Actor Michael Clarke Duncan; actress Shirley Manson; music by Jamie Lidell

*Thursday, Sept 25                Fashion mentor Tim Gunn; actress Elizabeth Reaser from the CBS drama series "The Ex List"

*Friday, Sept. 26                    Host Drew Carey from the CBS game show "The Price Is Right"; NBA player Tony Parker; music by Lady Antebellum 

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LISTINGS FOR 'LAST CALL WITH CARSON DALY'

Thursday, September 18 — 922 Megan McCain with musical guest Aushua

Friday, September 19 — TBD

Monday, September 22 — 923 Madeline Zima

 

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LISTINGS FOR NBC'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'
 
September 20 – James Franco / Kings of Leon

 

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OPENING REMARKS FROM THE "LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN" ON THE CBS TELEVISION NETWORK

(Monday, Sept. 8-Friday, Sept. 12) 

"Were you aware of this?  It's Fashion Week here in New York City.  Did you know that?  Well, it's obvious looking at you folks...And everybody in New York City - I guess Fashion Week, two times a year we have Fashion Week, and everybody in New York City has Fashion Week fever.  Fashion Week fever - as a matter of fact, the Statue of Liberty earlier today was wearing a pair of those hip Sarah Palin glasses."

"Hey, how about that John McCain and Sarah Palin - you excited about those folks?  Are you?  If we had the election tomorrow, would you vote for Barack Obama?  Would you vote for John McCain?  How many of you would vote for John McCain because of Sarah Palin?  How many of you would just vote for Sarah Palin?  How many of you folks are tired of applauding for no reason?  Well, anyway, everybody is out campaigning, and today, listen to what happened out there in Albuquerque, New Mexico - beautiful, New Mexico is just gorgeous, by the way. And Senator McCain was there with Sarah Palin, and they were having lunch at a diner is what they were doing, and I thought this was so sweet.  She - I mean, I don't know, how long has she been on the ticket, a week, maybe two weeks? And they were having lunch at the diner and she's cutting his meat for him."

"But don't forget one thing, and God bless him, a true American hero, but don't forget one thing:  John McCain is old.  And I had some friends of mine call me to tell me this:  you don't have any idea how old he is.  Listen to this:  he's so old that his blood type has been discontinued."

"I do, I kind of like that Sarah Palin.  You know, she reminds me - she looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi...Looks like the waitress at the coffee shop who draws a little smiley face on your check."

"I don't know what it's doing around the country, but here in New York City, we had a wet, rainy day right here in New York City, wet, rainy day, and today, John McCain admitted he doesn't know how many umbrellas he owns."

"I like John McCain.  I like that guy.  He looks like a guy whose cell phone has a big band ringtone."

"And how about that Barack Obama?  You know what they're saying - for the first time, he's starting to slip in the polls. Barack Obama is starting to slip in the polls.  No, no, no, no, don't worry, he's got a plan.  He's going to go back to campaigning in Europe."

"I'm feeling a little sheepish, ladies and gentlemen.  I have a confession to make.  Last night, I had my first naughty dream about a vice presidential candidate - and it wasn't Joe Biden."

"But, you know, when Sarah Palin and John McCain make an appearance together, there's always a brief hug, always a brief hug, just kind of a brief hug - no kissing.  So, whenever you see them, like on stage someplace or getting on or off a plane or whatever on TV, a brief hug, no kissing.  A brief hug, no kissing - it's just like Bill and Hillary."

"Touch of autumn in the air, and the leaves are falling.  As a matter of fact, John McCain admitted that he doesn't know how many rakes he owns."

"Here's sad news, ladies and gentlemen, from the world of Hollywood:  Hugh Hefner, 82-year-old Hugh Hefner is breaking up with his 28-year-old girlfriend...But they were a strange couple.  I mean, you've got to admit it, strange couple - elderly man in his robe and pajamas and a hot, young babe, and - oh, no, wait a minute, that's the Republican ticket."

"But on the program tonight, Sen. Barack Obama is here...And as a matter of fact, I don't know if you're aware of this, all of New Yorkers have Obama fever.  Obama fever - everybody's excited about him being in New York City.  New York City cab drivers, by the way, are offering their Barack Obama special - they'll gladly accept change."

"Meanwhile, in Virginia today, it was Senator McCain and Sarah Palin, were campaigning in Virginia.  Do you like Sarah Palin?  Do you kind of like her?  Yeah, I like her because she looks like the lady at the baker who yells out, '44!'  She looks like a real estate agent whose picture you see on the bus stop bench...She looks like the lady who has a chain of cupcake stores...She looks like the mayor of a small town that's banned dancing."

"But now, because of Sarah Palin, people are now asking the question, 'Is she ready to be President?  Is Sarah Palin ready to be President?'  If, God forbid, something happens to John McCain, is Sarah Palin ready to be President?  And I don't think we need to wory about that because Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously, I mean...I'm ready to be President."

"Now, here's something exciting - this is hot insider political gossip.  Tomorrow, as a matter of fact, former President Bill Clinton - you remember Bubba?  He's going to be having lunch right here in New York City with Barack Obama. That's tomorrow.  That's tomorrow - at least, that is what Bill is telling Hillary."

"What a show we have for you tonight - Jack Hanna is on the program this evening, ladies and gentlemen - Jack, "Jungle Jack."  I'm very excited - Jack is going to put lipstick on a pig."

"By the way, last night on this program, Senator Barack Obama was on the show last night.  And today, John McCain was asking his staff, 'Uh, uh, can you, uh, can you get me on, uh, can you get me on 'The Merv Griffin Show'?"

"Here's big news:  tonight and tomorrow night, Charles Gibson over there at ABC is going to interview Sarah Palin, and I believe it will be her first big-time interview.  And Charles Gibson, the first question he asked her, he says, 'Are you ready to be president?'  And Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, fer sure.'"

"But, no, seriously, the interview went very well, and during the interview, Sarah Plain actually gave birth to her sixth child.  So it was - she can do it all."

"Matt Damon - how about Matt Damon?  He now - well, he's not here.  Yeah, Matt Damon says he believes that Sarah Palin would be a disaster in the White House.  That's what Matt Damon says.  Now, wait a minute, wait a minute - I think I'll wait to hear what Ben Affleck has to say."

"Oh, and tomorrow, talk about tremendous viewing, tomorrow on 'The View,' John McCain, Senator John McCain will be a guest on 'The View.'  Careful, John, because that place is like a North Vietnamese prison with Botox."

"That John McCain, by gosh, did you know this?  He was on 'The View' earlier today.  Yep, and I thought to myself, 'Well, good lord, hasn't this man endured enough torture?'"

"But that John McCain is a great guy, and when he was finished at 'The View,' as a thank you gift, he bought everybody on the show a house."

"But how about that ticket - it's John McCain and Sarah Palin.  What do you think of that ticket?  Political insiders told me that Sarah Palin's main job, her main job on the ticket now is to tell John McCain when he's got something on his chin."

"But we're learning more and more about Sarah Palin.  Were you aware of this, that at one point, she was mayor of a town called Wasilla, Alaska.  Wasilla, Alaska - I went to looking at it, there is only one store in Wasilla, Alaska, honest to God - Bed, Bath and Way Beyond."

"Wasilla, Alaska is so small, if you pick up the guide book, it's called Things to Do in Wasilla, if you pick up a copy of that guide book and you open it up, Things to Do in Wasilla, it reads, 'You're doing it.'"

"But now, because they're a little worried that Sarah Plain may be a political newcomer and has not spent any time in the national spotlight, so she's being coached by Joe Lieberman.  Yeah, I hope Joe Lieberman ca pass along some of that excitement that he brought to the Gore/Lieberman ticket."

"How about this - talk about historic gatherings - I guess it was in New York sometime this week, Bill Clinton, yesterday, as a matter of fact, and Barack Obama sat down and had lunch in New York City, and it went very well.  Everything was fine.  As a matter of fact, we know that Bill Clinton picked up the check - and the waitress."

"Big scandal in Washington, D.C. - did you hear about this?  It turns out now members of the Department of the Interior were having sex with oil company employees...But how about that Department of the Interior and a sex scandal?  Well, you know, the Republicans were calling for more drilling."

"Hey, this is like old times:  you know what's happening today?  It's the first day of the O.J. Simpson trial.  Yeah, he's in Las Vegas and he's on trial for armed robbery this time.  And O.J.'s defense is he was only trying to get his stuff back.  He just - 'I want to get my stuff back.'  He's talking about his autographed jersey, he wanted to get that back; autographed football - wanted to get that back; his autographed knife, wanted to get that back."

"But if you know anything about jurist prudence, here's how the trial breaks down:  phase one, we're in phase one right now:  selecting a jury, phase one; phase two:  presenting a mountain of evidence against him, that's phase two; phase three:  acquittal."

"Here's exciting news, ladies and gentlemen:  O.J. Simpson, you know, he's on trial again.  Did you know that?  Oh, this guy has no luck.  He's on trial again, and the trial is taking place in Las Vegas, Nevada.  And I just hope, I pray to God that this does not interfere with his search for the real killers."

"But this trial, this is weird.  You know, he broke into a thing and stole sports memorabilia, and O.J. has a pretty good alibi. I've got to say, he has a pretty good alibi.  He says at the time of the robbery, it couldn't possibly have been him because at the time of the robbery, he was across town stabbing someone."

"You folks watch any football over the weekend?  Did you see that Tom Brady is out for the year?  Patriots quarterback Tom Brady out with a knee injury, ladies and gentlemen.  And today, coach Bill Belichick already started secretly videotaping knee surgeons."

 "Listen to this, ladies and gentlemen:  here's some sad news from the world of gorillas.  From the world of gorillas, the oldest gorilla, the oldest living gorilla in captivity passed away - what do you think - age 55.  Age 55 - now, that's the oldest gorilla in captivity.  Now, the oldest gorilla not in captivity is 61, and is governor of California."

"I got some great news, listen to this:  if the show tonight doesn't go well, guess what?  If the show doesn't go well tonight, the federal government is bailing me out."

"Are you folks following this Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae fiasco?  Do you know anything about it?  It's horrible, isn't it?  I mean, it's horrible and scary.  Thank God it's over - earlier today, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were both adopted by Angelina Jolie."

"Do you feel the little nip in the air?  Do you know that it's fall?  You can tell fall is just around the corner.  Here now, I saw a sure sign of fall in New York City:  earlier today, I saw Regis outside raking his money."

 

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QUOTABLES FROM NBC'S 'LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN'

SEPTEMBER 8 – SEPTEMBER 12
 
"MTV caused a huge controversy last night because comedian Russell Brand hosted their Video Music Awards and he referred to President Bush as a 'retarded cowboy.' Of course, everyone knows the correct term is 'special needs cowboy. '"

"Today Barack Obama took his daughters to their first day of school. In a related story, John McCain took his daughters to pick up their social security checks."

"Experts say that since Sarah Palin became the Vice Presidential nominee, there has been a spike in the sale of her style of glasses. With Palin's glasses you'll be able to see everything except what the hell your teenage daughter is up to. "

"According to the latest polls, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by 10 points, the CBS News poll has the two tied, and the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week."

"David Duchovny checked himself into a rehab program for sex addicts. So if you're looking for him, he'll be at the Charlie Sheen Institute."

"19-year-old Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe says he lost his virginity when he was 16 to an older woman. You can read all about it in 'Harry Potter and the Contract Negotiation with J.K. Rowling.'"

"The computer programmers behind the successful game SimCity have designed a new game that allows people to run the universe as if they're God. The new game is called 'Oprah.'"

"People all over the world are following our election - According to a new international poll, people in Canada want Barack Obama to be the next U.S. President. Which makes sense because Obama has the support of Canada's anti-war voters as well as Canada's black guy."

"Everyone's digging into Sarah Palin's past - There's an old picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the Internet – and she's wearing a T-shirt that says: 'I may be broke – but I'm not flat busted.' John McCain was upset when he heard this and asked, 'What's the Internet?'"

"Political observers are pointing out that at campaign rallies, John McCain likes to give Sarah Palin a hug and then give his wife a kiss on the cheek. When asked about it, McCain said, 'Believe me, that's about as much sex as I can handle.'"

"Earlier this week, Madonna created a controversy during a concert because she dedicated the song 'Like a Virgin' to the Pope. The Pope was furious and said: 'I specifically requested "Material Girl!"'"

"There are reports that Jamie Lynn Spears and the father of her baby might break up because he cheated on her with a 28 year-old woman. When she found out, Jamie Lynn was furious and said, '28? That's my grandmother's age.'"

"This week on his show, Jerry Springer adopted a pig that was scheduled to be sent to the butcher. As a result, the pig wasn't slaughtered but it was hit over the head with a chair."

"The other night in Canada, a man rushed on stage during an Oasis concert and he knocked the guitarist to the ground. The man was arrested by police but released after promising to attend next week's Celine Dion concert."

"American Airlines is being sued because they were asked to transport a dead body to a funeral and they lost the body. Afterwards American tried to make it up by offering a free round-trip ticket to anywhere the dead body wants to fly."

"Earlier today, Kentucky Fried Chicken used an armored car and several armed guards to move the hand-written copy of Colonel Sanders original recipe. Sadly, they were no match for Kirstie Alley's bazooka."

"Big international news - Sources in North Korea say that dictator Kim Jong Il is very sick and that he may have to shift power to his son Kim Jong Nam, Kim Jong Chul, or Kim Jong Woon. Of course, there's still an out-of-the box chance he'll pick Sarah Palin."

"You probably all heard that Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, "You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig." Political experts say that if Obama keeps insulting Palin, he could lose the election and win a job at MSNBC."

"Politicians are all lining up to attack Obama's comments about putting lipstick on a pig. President Bush said the pig remarks were offensive, Dick Cheney said they were inappropriate, and Joe Lieberman said they weren't kosher."

"Boy George says he has written a song supporting Barack Obama. This will help Barack lock up the critical 1980's Gay British Pop star vote."

"It was in the news today that when John McCain's wife Cindy was born he was a senior in high school. McCain says it was love at first site but an extremely awkward senior prom."

"Today in Washington D.C., Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader met with Libertarian presidential candidate Ron Paul. They didn't plan the meeting, they just bumped into each other on the soup line."

"A new study has found that even though they eat lots of high-calorie foods, Amish people don't get obese. Apparently, butter isn't fattening if you churn it for 2 hours first."

"Big sports news - cyclist Lance Armstrong may come out of retirement to compete in the 2009 Tour de France. Armstrong says riding a bike should come back to him easily – cause it's just like riding a bike."

"This week, San Antonio became the first US city to harvest methane gas from human waste and turn it into a clean-burning fuel. You know what, maybe being dependant on foreign oil isn't so bad after all."

"One year after NBC yanked its shows of iTunes in a pricing dispute, the shows are back and can be downloaded for $1.99. That's right, if you download one of their shows, NBC will pay you $1.99."

"American Airlines recently installed in-flight wireless service, but has found that passengers are using it to look at Internet porn. So thanks to American Airlines now you can join the Mile High Club all by yourself."

"Sarah Palin has been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisors on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. Probably the first thing they taught her was CPR."

"In Alaska, a political activist is trying to get Sarah Palin to release over a 1000 e-mails that she is withholding from public records. Apparently several of the emails went unanswered and have the subject line 'Mom, I need to talk to you about birth control.'"

"Sarah Palin's husband Todd has been given the secret service name 'driller'. When he heard about it, Bill Clinton said: 'Wait – they told me my code name was retired.'"

"In Las Vegas they're having trouble picking jurors in O.J. Simpson's armed robbery trial. The judge said, 'We want a jury of O.J.'s peers but it's hard to find anyone else who got away with a double murder.'"

"In Massachusetts, a firefighter saved a cat's life by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The cat is now doing fine but the firefighter is now been coughing up fur balls."

"In a new interview Lindsay Lohan says she wants to marry her lesbian girlfriend by the end of the year. Then Lohan said: 'Or I might just get drunk and pass out.'"

"The executive producer of the Jerry Springer Show was reportedly fired after he got into a fight with someone and put him in a chokehold. Jerry Springer fired the man as executive producer and immediately booked him as a guest."

"Paris Hilton's boyfriend, Benji Madden, recently stole Paris's Blackberry and deleted the phone numbers of all her ex-boyfriends. Which explains why he's been treated for carpal tunnel syndrome."

"Last night, ABC News aired the first televised interview with Sarah Palin and Palin stumbled a bit because she had never heard of the 'Bush Doctrine.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'That's okay, neither have I.'"

"Political experts say that during the interview Palin did a pretty good job convincing voters that she's qualified. Palin said that she has plenty of experience and her daughter has a little too much experience."

"Everyone has Palinmania - This week Fox News scored one of their highest ratings ever when they aired the special, 'Governor Palin: An American Woman.' MSNBC also scored huge ratings for their special: 'Governor Palin: American Woman… or MAN?'"

"All the candidates are preparing for the debates - Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm has agreed to help Joe Biden prepare for the debate by standing in and playing the role of Sarah Palin. Up until now, the only Sarah Palin role-playing has come at the request of Bill Clinton."

"Speaking of Bill Clinton, yesterday in New York, Barack Obama had lunch with the former President. Afterwards, Clinton said, 'It's the first time the two of us have had a chance to sit down together and really bitch about Hillary.'"

"The latest political commercial by Barack Obama attempts to portray John McCain as being unfamiliar with technology. McCain was outraged and responded with an e-mail – or as McCain calls it 'a computer letter from the future.'"

"Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born that they've named a beer after him. The Obama beer is called 'Black & Tan & Asian & Hawaiian'".

"This morning, John McCain appeared as a guest on 'The View.' There was an awkward moment when he looked Barbara Walters up and down and said 'Man, if I was 20 years younger…'"

 

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QUOTABLES FROM 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH AMY POEHLER & SETH MEYERS' SEPTEMBER 13, 2008
 
"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR AMY POEHLER: "The presidential race continued to tighten up – in fact, according to some polls, John McCain is only 6 points behind Sarah Palin."

POEHLER: "The Washington Post reported this week that Sarah Palin billed taxpayers in Alaska for travel expenses for 312 nights she spent in her own home. You know, maverick style!"

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR SETH MEYERS: "OJ Simpson's trial for kidnapping, armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon started Monday. Man, you know you've lived a crazy life when a trial for kidnapping, armed robbery and assault isn't your most interesting trial.

MEYERS: "Russell Crowe recently pleaded with Australian authorities to grant entry into the country for his friend Snoop Dogg, who is banned because of his drug arrests. Begging the question, 'Is there a worse guy to vouch for you than Russell Crowe?'"

POEHLER: "Senator Larry Craig asked a court on Wednesday to void the guilty plea he made following his arrest last year in a bathroom-sex sting operation. Then when the request was denied, he asked if he could use the bathroom.

POEHLER: "Many zoos are using 'studbooks,' which are online databases, to find potential mating partners for animals in captivity. Personally, I prefer eFarmony."

MEYERS: "A freshman at Michigan State University was randomly assigned to the same dorm room his father occupied in 1978. A fact that will no doubt cross his mind every time he masturbates."

MEYERS: "Injured New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, will be replaced by Matt Cassel an untested inexperienced back-up. Earning Cassel the nickname, 'Sarah Palin.'"

POEHLER: "A Catholic priest on the University of Illinois campus has been charged with selling cocaine from his church office and rectory. Police became suspicious when he said mass in nine minutes flat."

POEHLER: "This year marks the 25th anniversary of the Cabbage Patch Kids, Hasbro's adorable salute to childhood obesity. It also marks the year where they all start asking who their real parents are."

MEYERS: "Drew Gray, a 5-year-old in Illinois scored a hole-in-one at a par 3 golf course this week, though he still finished the day 229 over par.

MEYERS: "A middle school teacher in Montana suffered some bruising and a large scratch on his back after he struck a bear while riding his bicycle to school and not, repeat not from a night of meth-fueled rough sex with a stranger."

POEHLER: "A city official in Miami-Dade is proposing a resolution to have a street named after Jose Canseco changed because of the baseball players admitted steroid use. The proposed new name: 'Shrunken Cul-de-Sac.'"

POEHLER: "An elephant in China that had become addicted to heroin at the hands of illegal traders will return home after three years of rehabilitation. And then, I'm guessing, release a crappy acoustic album.

MEYERS: "Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, Morgan Freeman and Barbara Streisand will be recognized at the Kennedy Center Honors this December...as the worst version of The Who ever assembled.

 

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THE "LATE SHOW" TOP TEN "Reasons I Like Being an Actor"

As presented by Academy Award-winning actors Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino on the Thursday, Sept. 11 broadcast of the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

10.       Pacino:  Sometimes when I go to the movies, the popcorn guy will give me a free squirt of chemical butter.

9.         DeNiro:  Every time I go to work, I get to ask myself, "I wonder if I'll see Harvey Keitel naked?"

8.         Pacino:  Well, you've got to keep honing your craft or you could end up out of the business and taking a job as Governor of California.

7.         DeNiro:  If you do a scene where you're eating pudding, they often let you keep the pudding.

6.         Pacino:  I got to meet Spider-Man.

5.         DeNiro:  It's the makeup.  I like wearing the makeup.

4.         Pacino: You get to make films for personal reasons - I made "Righteous Kill" to let people know I'm still alive.

3.         DeNiro: I get to make films for personal reasons - I made "Righteous Kill" to see if Al was still alive.

2.         Pacino:  Beats my old gig as a hockey mom 

1.         DeNiro:  Get to read well-crafted dialogue like "Get the **** out of here."

 

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